Isabella

It was Isabella’s junior year in high school. She stormed out of class after a group of teenage mean girls was standing outside her class calling her abhorrent names. Fed up with their bullshit, she stood up, kicked some desks over, and said, “I'm sick of this shit.” Wouldn’t you know it, the teacher sent HER to the office.

Mr. Grayson, the Vice Principal, had gone through the last 2 and half years of endless bullying with Isabella. He was the only person that ever made a difference in her life during her high school years. She felt like he actually cared about her. Anyway, she stormed into his office ranting, “I hate this goddamn school. I’m fucking leaving, and I’m never coming back.” Years later, Isabella thought to herself, “I don’t remember what he said to me in his office, but what I do remember is that he was not upset with me for my language. He knew I had been tormented, and he knew when he and my mother tried to remedy the situation, it only made things worse.”

Mr. Grayson followed Isabella out the school door and asked her to stop. It was April, and there was only a month or so of school left. He tried to talk Isabella into finishing the school year. He said, “Those girls won’t be here next year and you will be a senior,” but Isabella already hated herself and was drinking and doing drugs whenever she could. Every nerve in her body felt pain all the time, and she was too young and naive to understand anything. She just wanted to fly away into oblivion, and it was obvious that nothing was going to stop her. Still reeling from the “mean girls,” Isabella was not in the mood to negotiate. Looking back, she remembered Mr. Grayson actually had tears in his eyes when he said, “These are supposed to be some of the happiest days of your life.” It was years before she would remember those words and how Mr. Grayson was right. He saw something in her worthy of loving; he saw her potential when she didn’t see it in herself. With a defeated look in Isabella’s eyes, she said meekly, “The lights went out years ago and this place, HIGH SCHOOL, has been the darkest days of my life.”

Isabella maneuvered through life and became “Jenny” to someone’s “Forrest Gump.” She would often wonder why Sammy always looked at her as if she was the most beautiful person in the world. It never dawned on her, until Sammy, there was any beauty in her. She would always turn to him when she riddled herself with vice and self-destruction. He would always open his door to her, never ask her for anything in return, and nurture her back to physical and some modicum of emotional health. She was in her early 20s, and it was at this time in her life - she learned the true meaning of friendship. He planted the seed of self-love in her. Though Isabella went through many trials and tribulations, she will always remember her friend who allowed her to see herself through his eyes. She knew that what he saw was real because his motive was pure and that purity gave truth to his vision.

Sammy moved out of the country, and Isabella went on with her life with her broken parts. She got married and had children. She had never loved anything so dearly until she became a mother. Isabella would look back on her past and at the mistakes she had made. Sometimes, the memories would haunt her. She hated her past. She would not think of the amazing friendship with Sammy and how his friendship had set in motion the changing of her life. She would think of all the dangerous situations, the drug-induced rendezvous, and how the pearls of her soul were dishonored by her own foolishness. 

In Isabell’s 30s, she was a mother, and she saw her limitations because of the life she had lived. She was able to feel the sun on her face in her love for her children in a way she never imagined; however, she felt an old pang of sickness in her soul. The years went on, and her children were grown. There were many more mistakes in her life, but nothing as self-destructive as her youth. 

Ironically, She ended up working in education and became devoted to being in the service of young people. She would go to the pep rallies and try not to cry in front of her colleagues. She never experienced the joy of school spirit and the makings of a positive school experience. She would peruse Facebook and look at the posts from the women of her hometown who had chosen better paths. She would have a small feeling of envy from the friendships they had maintained throughout the years. These women had been Isabella’s friends in elementary school. She would look at their joyful faces and think to herself, “I could have shared these memories with these amazing women instead of being in league with the torment of “mean girls.”

Isabella learned to forgive herself because she understood what sent her spiraling down a dark path. After years in education, she learned from watching so many young girls navigate the tumultuous nature of their own lives. She saw much of herself in them. Isabella also understood that she could have stopped the train wreck of her own life and could have made memories that made her feel nostalgic about her past had she chosen differently. 

Isabell took solace in knowing she was also given a gift in her friendship with Sammy, so she could discover her own worth and, in that, gain strength. She realized loving children of her own put light in her heart and gave her the courage she needed to always improve herself. She also came to the conclusion that improving herself meant causing no harm to herself or others. She healed every day as a devoted mother and educator. Isabella did not feel warmth towards her past, but she told herself every day, “I feel good about the future.” 

When Isabella was in her mid-forties, She found Mr. Grayson, the Vice Principal, living in her hometown. She drove to his house and knocked on his door. When he opened the door, he looked puzzled, “May I help you?” She told him her name and asked him, “Do you remember me?” He said, “Of course, I remember you.” She said, “I just wanted you to know I’m okay in case you ever wondered - and thank you for caring about me.” Isabella saw a tear roll down his cheek, and then he gave her a hug.

When Isabella left Mr. Grayson’s house, she thought a moment about everything that had led her up to this moment in her life. There was nothing in the past she wanted to revisit. She only wanted to move forward living the best version of her life with the people she loved most in the world.