Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret  🔽

Fri, Nov 5, 8:29 am 

Hello, Professor Garret, 

I hope your weekend is going well. I just wanted to once again thank you for reviewing my story. I know it needs a lot of work. This assignment really pushed my writing ability but I'm glad I still had the anchor of my favorite story to pattern it after. Pride and Prejudice was a masterclass in color narrative.  I can see the element of Jane's work in your book that you lent me. I enjoyed reading it this weekend. I especially like act three. I'm so appreciative of you taking the time to look over my story. 

What time would you like to meet to go over the revisions? 

With great thanks, 

Clara Demisy 

1002 Writing 9:45

Story Revisions Inquiry

Garret Miller 

To Clara  🔽

Fri, Nov 5, 9:42 am

Hi Clara, 

You seem to have sent this to the wrong email. It looked important so you might want to send that to your professor. That aside, your story does need a lot of work, but the bones are good. But I have to say Persuasion is a much better book, Pride and Prejudice is fine but over hyped. The 2005 movie has made people ferrel over it. 

Bye, 

Garret 

Tired Lit student, in need of a distraction from class

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret  🔽

 Fri, Nov 5, 5:00 pm 

Hello Garret,

Sorry for the inconvenience, but I did not appreciate you reading my story without my permission, but thanks for letting me know. 

Clara 

P.S Pride and Prejudice is a masterpiece, Persuasion is boring, they don't even talk till like the end of the book, also you should really pay attention in class.

Story Revisions Inquiry

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Sat, Nov 6, 12:14 am 

Pffff sureeee that proves what you know. It’s about the building of tension that's created, that is exactly why your story fell flat.  

P.S not when my professor has a death grip on being monotone, also he is spitting the same stuff everyone else spits out, he's not talking about the text but talking about someone talking about the text…..boring. 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

 Sat, Nov 6, 1:00am 

Hello Garret, 

I don't appreciate the unwanted criticism. I never asked you to read my story, and besides clearly you didn't even read my story. 

Goodbye,

Clara

P.S if you listened you might learn something, but your ego probably won't allow that

Story Revisions Inquiry

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Sat, Nov 6, 1:07 am 

I did in fact read your story. If I just wanted to be mean I would have said it was bad. But it's not bad, it just needs work. Don't get all mad just because I didn't praise it like it was divinely inspired, and tell you it was good, when it needs work. You said it yourself, it needs work. So Clara did you send it to your professor to impress them or to get help to work on your story? 

Because your side characters bring nothing to the story, they're like npc, you're infected with white room syndrome, and that's dragging your main character who is very well written down, but is just a copy and paste of the original. 

P.S Now who's being mean, my egos are doing just fine, thank you, my teacher just needs new material. The classics can be looked at in more than just one way because life can be looked at in more than one way. I think that's a pretty humble subject myself to the many possibilities 

Garret 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Sat, Nov 6, 1:09 am

Excuse me, this is none of your business, you have no right to criticize my work. What gives you the right to sit there and tell me what is wrong with it, because you're a lit student. All you lit students are the same, but your consuming work from people like us, maybe think about that. 

P.S your just forcing the world to accept what you think is right by having everything have more than one answer, I bet you are one of those who says everything is relative. How is that going for you living on sinking sand? 

Clara 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Sat, Nov 6, 1:15 am

eXcUSe mE for trying to help your story reach its potential. I hate people like you who stand in your own way, your pride is your own noose and humility is the chair you carelessly kick over. Get out of your own way, if you don't want to listen to me just wait for your professor to tell you exactly what I’m telling you. 

P.S pfff don't pretend to know me, I'm surprised you threw such low hanging fruit at me, sinking sand really. BE original Clara, your just throwing words out with nothing behind them, at least I'm trying to search for something new, you can't keep recycling forever. 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Sat, Nov 6,1:35 am 

Why am I not surprised you're so judgmental, proud and humble in clunky prose, I'm not in my own way, I'm doing just fine, you don’t even know me. 

P.S says the lit major, you're going to spend the rest of your life wishing you had the courage to do what I’m doing. I'm giving it a chance, sure I may be scared to fail, but at least I'm trying, not sitting and complaining. 

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Sun, Nov 7, 6:27 pm

No I don't know you but you could be great, that's all I'm trying to say, and you're right I don't have the courage, hearing that from a random stranger email, is a pretty big wake up call. If you can see that through my words, I'm glad you can't see me. And so what if I'm scared, what if sinking sand is easier to live in…huh.

P.S I do wish and I have a graduate application for the writing department collecting dust, that I will never send, but I have read my fair share so can't you trust me when I say that you could be great. 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Sat, Nov 12, 1:02 am

Hi Garret, 

It's been days so I don’t expect you to read this but, I'm sorry for the things I said, like you were saying if you can see that much about me by such a few words I wrote, I'm glad you can't see me, but you did see me, unfortunately. I got my story back what did you say, “Because your side characters bring nothing to the story, they're like npc, you're infected with white room syndrome, and that's dragging your main character who is very well written down, but is just a copy and paste of the original.” I thought I'd quote you for accuracy. And you were right.  I was so focused on being great I forgot about the thing I was supposed to be great at. I feel so stupid even typing this out because you're someone I don't even know who saw right through me. Anyways…thank you for the wake up call and the reminder of why I write in the first place. 

P.S As angry as you made me I'm glad I mistyped, and even though I haven't read any of your writing, Garret,  I hope you sent that application. 

Clara

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Sat, Nov 12, 8:30 am

Hey Clara,

I'm sorry, too, I shouldn't have read your story. I get ahead of myself some time, sinking sand and all, I like to jump with my eye permanently closed, but I'd give anything for someone to give me a push so, I have a tendency to push without permission, I'm sorry for that Clara. 

P.S If I could ask,  why do you write?

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Mon, Nov 14, 6:34 am

Hi Garret,

It seems like we both got ahead of ourselves. I'll work on my writing and you work on opening your eyes, both big things to take on. I keep to myself but I'm going to try to talk to some of my classmates if we could do some critique outside of class. I feel beyond embarrassed even though I'm in the class to learn. I bet you don't feel that way, Mr. Know it all, but I'm gonna try and I hope you do, too. 

P.S that's a very personal question, but I've given up all decorum so against my better judgment I'm going to answer. I write because I have to… that is a really bad explanation, but it's like all my thoughts fill to the top of my brain and the only way to empty them out is to write. Now that I answered it, it's your turn. Why do you write? 

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Mon, Nov 14, 12:36 pm

I'm glad you're gonna ask your classmates, and I do know what it feels like Ms. Writer, it's a special type of embarrassment that sits on your shoulder, has an odd feeling about it, when I answer a question in class as soon as my mouth opens all the words pour out of my head and even though I answer correctly I still feel like I could have answered better, so yes I do know. And I'm working on finding solid ground, but living the way I have it's become easy so I've taken on an impossible task it feels like. If you want someone to read your work I would be happy to. (See I'm asking for permission this time) 

P.S yeah sorry I guess I didn't think… but I write because I have something I want people to understand. I want them to understand the world in a way that living can't tell. Stories hold so much power that can save you the heartache of actually experiencing life… if that makes sense. It's one of the reasons I love to read so much and watch movies. I love both equally. 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

 Mon, Nov 14,10:36 pm

Hi Garret,

So he can admit to being human, embarrassment seems to be a staple in the human experience. An embarrassment that sits on your shoulder,  that's a good line, you should hang onto it. I like it but it's true because it feels like a heavy hand that comes out of nowhere and rests on your shoulder. It doesn't tighten its grip, it just sits, reminding you painfully of your existence. If you know what I mean. I feel far too embarrassed to send you any more of my work but if you want I can, but only read it if you have time. Midterms are coming up, we've got to study, but you don't strike me as someone who studies but I could be wrong. 

P.S No, it's alright I would have objected to answering if I didn't want to answer. It was a question I had to think on for a long while. You have such a noble pursuit for writing, I'm surprised but at the same time I don't know you. What types of books and movies do you like to read? 

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 15, 12:16 am

Unfortunately you are right,  I don't study much. I have just never needed to, thinking sticks with me that's why it's annoying to hear things that are still in my head, I need some new revelation, some new experience, one of my friends once told me that I'd stop all this thinking when I fall in love, a crazy thought that being in love would stop me from being the way I've always been, but that aside, I will write down that line, it was a good one. I might have to steal, it's a hand that rests on your shoulder reminding you of your existence, that is a good line. 

P.S I love anything I can get my hands on, but I do love classics but my heart lies in fantasy, like the Wheel of Time, and the Discworld series. I love them so much, but my favorite movie is A Stray from The Breakfast Club. Have you seen it? If you have, do you think they hung out on Monday? 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 6:18 pm

First you read my story without permission and now you're stealing my lines, I'm hurt. But I think that love can change you that much, at least I hope. I like writing about it, I have to say, studying it better. Writing about it is easier. But it's not fair that you don't have to study, I have to glue pages to my eyes to get them to stick. I've even tried to sleep with my text book under my pillow. 

Also I’ve never seen breakfast club, movies don't hold my attention much. 

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 32 pm

Text under the pillow you're kidding, studying shouldn't take that much out of you and if it does one bad grade isn't going to kill you. Or maybe it would kill you, you seem like you would pass out if you got anything under an A. Now to the more pressing matter, you've never seen Breakfast Club? You have to watch it right now, put down the books and watch it right now! 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 37 pm

I have to study.

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10:38 pm

No you have to watch breakfast club, who studies at 10 at night 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 39 pm

I'll watch it later. 

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 40 pm

A brain break does wonders

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10:41 pm

Clara? 

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 39 pm

Why would you make me watch that? I don't even know how I feel but I'm feeling something. The dialogue was so good, I'm a sucker for a good cliffhanger but I need to know what happens. Like now I can't find anything online, why would you make me watch something that leaves me with so many questions?

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 40 pm

But it's inspiring to write, to think and question the what if…

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 42 pm

I'm frustrated more than anything

Story Revisions Inquiry 

Garret Miller 

To Clara 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 43 pm

Sometimes answers are the paths we take and not the destination

Story Revisions Inquiry

Clara Demisy 

To Garret 🔽

Tues, Nov 14, 10: 44 pm

Its too late to be philosophical 

Clara shook her head, fighting a smile that brightened as the shine of her laptop flickered back to her articles. Her eyes scanned the abstract, line by line, then back to the top. Snapping her laptop shut, she tossed it aside, giving into the torturous thoughts of what could have possibly happened on Monday. 

❤️

“Clara…Clara…Hello earth to Clara… What’s gotten into you?” Clara moved her eyes but it took some force to snap the string that was wrapped around her email inbox. 

“Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine…what were you saying, Bea?” Clara said, making herself set her phone face down on the table to look at her friend. Her friend's questioning round face and red hair finally captured her attention. 

“I was saying do you know what Professor Garret was talking about.” 

“No,  I couldn't get it, I'll just read the paper.” Clara took a glance around as the campus cafe started to swell with people. 

“You, Clara Demisy, are not paying attention, not taking notes, who are you?” 

“Stop, I'm just focused on my story.” 

“Yeah, that you've been writing non stop but that's not going to help you understand that paper,” Clara shook her head making a mental note to ask Garret about the paper later. 

“I'll be fine, I'm on top of it.” Clara said with a forced smile.

“Mmmmm, I don't know.” 

“Oh, don't look now, campus crush 3 O’clock.” She said, hoping to pull Clara's attention. 

Clara laughed and threw a small glance at her campus crush, someone she never talked to, never looked in the eyes, but he used to pull her attention if he was in a room, her fickle crush had set her sights elsewhere.

“My story is so close to being complete.” 

“Your new crush now is it.” Bea said, looking at her suspiciously. 

“ Yes, writing is my only love,” Clara said dramatically, following her motions of getting up. 

“Forever and always.” She laughed turning sharply. 

“Garret!” Someone exclaimed. Clara stumbled back as drops of iced coffee stained her shirt. 

“Well, I guess you finally get to talk to him.” She hears Bea whisper. Clara's eyes grew large as she looked up at him. 

“Sorry about him, the man used to be glued to his books, now he can't put down his phone.” Another guy said, clapping him on the back, Garret’s eyes widened as he looked at her. 

“Hi,” he said hesitantly. 

“Hi.”