The Family Dinner

Kiana picked up the framed picture from the dresser.

“She’s so beautiful,” she said.

“I know,” Jamari smiled, walking up beside her, his hands gently squeezing her shoulders.

“You look just like her—especially around the eyes,” she said.

Jamari’s beam brightened further. “I know,” he said.

“I wish I could’ve met her.”

“I really wish you could’ve, too. You would’ve loved her. More importantly, she would’ve loved you. Just like I do.” He kissed her forehead, making his new fiancée gush.

“Yes, she would have,” inserted Jamari’s father, Joseph, as he also smiled, placing the last of the dining sets, and then sitting on one side of the big round table. 

Jamari began walking towards the kitchen when Kiana asked, “How did she pass away?”

“Huh?” asked Jamari, his back still turned to her and Joseph, although he’d truthfully heard what she’d asked.

“How…did she pass away?” she asked more hesitantly. “I notice you never talk about it, so I’ve tried not to ask. But…”

“Oh,” said Jamari. His father’s head lowered.

“I figured it must’ve been something pretty horrible—”

“No, no,” said Jamari, finally turning around to face them again and walking back towards the framed picture. He picked it up. “Well, not exactly. She actually died a hero.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then why? I mean, I know you still lost her, but… seems like that might make it… I don’t know, a little… easier? Maybe not…”

“Yeah, not really,” said Jamari, as he put the picture back down.

“Well, what happened?” asked Kiana. “If you don’t mind sharing.” Joseph’s eyes followed the two as they spoke.

“Well…” Jamari gathered his thoughts, turning to face Kiana again, and exhaled slowly. This was the first time he had told anyone the story in a while, since he mostly didn’t like to think about it. “A neighbor’s house…accidentally caught on fire… And she went in to help and pull them all out, including some kids, and—"

“Oh my God, Jamari!!”

“Yeah…”

She paused and then asked slowly, “So.. They all died?”

“No, no. Just her.”

“But.. How?”

“Well… She was able to pull most of them out, but when she went back in for the last one — it was one of the kids she couldn’t find, who it turned out was hiding in an upstairs closet, scared. Well, he managed to run out the house… while she was still looking for him—”

“Oh my God!!”

“And soon after, the whole house was burning, and it was too late for her to escape.”

“Jamari… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

“Still. That’s…devastating.” She paused and then, looking at a plaque on the mantle featuring a red badge with white lettering and an overlay of a fire ladder, stovepipe hat, axe, poker, and hose, along with Jamari’s name engraved below, spoke softly, “So, that’s why you became a…”

“Yes. My mom was brave and selfless enough to go into a burning house to try and save others. And she did. So, I guess… it felt like a way to honor her. Her final moments. And to help others.”

“That’s so wonderful,” the center of Kiana’s tight lips raised.

“Also, I figured, if the firefighters had gotten there sooner, she wouldn’t have had to. And maybe she would still be here. And maybe I can be the one who keeps another child from losing their mom or dad trying to go in to save others, the way she did.”

Kiana’s lips curled again. “That’s so thoughtful of you. And that’s amazing that your whole life purpose was inspired by that. I can also understand why you don’t like to talk about it. But it’s incredible that, in her final moments, she was helping—putting herself before—others.”

“Yeah, that’s actually part of why I don’t like to talk about it. It isn’t as bad these days, but for years, I was furious with her, like… It’s great she thought of those kids and other people, but… what about me? Why would she risk her life for others when she had me??”

A deafening silence overtook the room. Joseph’s eyes were now fixed on the table before him.

“Of course you know she didn’t mean to leave you. She just wanted to help—” Kiana finally said.

“Who just wanted to help?” Ms. Mae walked into the living room, placing the steaming pot of greens in the middle of the table.

“Mom,” answered Jamari. “I was just telling Kiana how Mom died.”

Ms. Mae’s eyebrow raised. “How your mom died?”

“Yeah,” said Jamari. “Helping those people from the burning house.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Ms. Mae.

Jamari looked at her with a mix of frustration and confusion. “When the Johnsons’ house caught on fire, Mom went over and got all the kids and everyone out. And then died looking for little Stevie.”

“What? Your mom didn’t help nobody from no burning house,” said Ms. Mae.

“Mama—” interrupted Joseph.

Jamari’s brows bunched together, as Kiana’s eyes now moved among the three.

“What do you mean? Of course she did!” exclaimed Jamari.

“Chile, how would you know?” said Ms. Mae. “You were only six years old then!”

Jamari thought for a few moments. “But I was down the street, playing with my friends. I saw the house on fire—”

“Yeah, the house was on fire. But she didn’t go in there trying to save nobody—”

“Mama!!” yelled Joseph, his anger rising.

“What?” she said. “This boy is saying something happened that ain’t what happened!” She paused. “Who told you that?”

Jamari looked over at Joseph, whose face was now washed with terror. “Pops. And Aunt Mary.”

“Oh,” Ms. Mae said, slowly realizing the gravity of her statements. “Well. That ain’t what happened.”

“What did happen, then?” he asked, half-sure whether he wanted to know the answer.

“Jamari, your grandmother is exaggerating,” interrupted Joseph. "That is what happened—” 

“Don’t be talking about me like I’m not here!,” snapped Ms. Mae. “And don’t act like I don’t know what happened! You know what happened, Joseph. Stop lying to that boy!!”

Anger began stirring in Jamari, as Kiana softly rubbed his back, her gaze now alternating between Joseph and Ms. Mae.

“What…happened,” Joseph asked calmly but sternly.

“Your mom died a hero!” Joseph exclaimed.

“Ha! A hero,” said Ms. Mae. “A hero for whom?”

“Mama!!!”

“Pops,” said Jamari. “What. Happened.”

Joseph’s eyes were somber as they fixed on Jamari, and then full of fury once they moved back to Ms. Mae.

“Joe… He needs to know the truth,” she said.

His eyes screamed the feeling of betrayal. How could you do this? they agonized.

“Jamari… Sit down,” Joseph said softly.

“Nah, I’m good,” said Jamari.

“Jamari. Sit down,” he said more firmly.

“Pops, how did my mom really die???” he asked again, remaining standing. 

Joseph sighed deeply.

“Did she die in that fire?” Jamari asked.

“Yes,” Joseph said.

A weird feeling of relief overcame Jamari. That seemed like the most important part of the story, so he was glad to hear at least that was real.

“So, then… What happened?” he asked. “She went in and saved those people, right?”

Joseph hesitated, and Jamari’s eyes quickly widened as if repeating the question. “No,” Joseph said quickly.

“So, she just…died by accident in the fire? That was it?”

“Go on and tell him, Joe!!” Ms. Mae jumped in.

Joseph’s eyes darted at his mom as if they shot out a thousand daggers.

A few moments of silence settled over the four before Jamari screamed “What?!?!?!”

“She set the fire, Jamari!!!” Joseph abruptly shouted.

A more tense silence fell over them.

“…What?” Jamari whispered, his eyes squinted.

“Sh— She…set the fire… herself,” Joseph said in a tone of defeat.

“Wai— Wha— What are you talking about?” Jamari asked incredulously. “She set the fire and then went in to save people from it? That doesn’t make sense!”

“I already said she didn’t save anyone, Jamari!!” Joseph choked on his tears.

Jamari’s body suddenly felt numb. He pulled away from Kiana and tried to steady himself on the dresser, staring intensely at his mother’s picture to help ground him, as he had done dozens of times before.

“What are you saying?” he asked, his eyes still cemented to the photo. 

“I’m saying… There was no one in the house when the fire started, Jamari. It was just her. She…started it—”

Kiana gasped, her hand up to her mouth, tears growing in her eyes as her heart broke for her love. She already sensed where the story was going, even if it was taking Jamari a little longer to understand—to want to understand. She came closer to him again to try and comfort him, clenching his shoulders a little tighter this time.

“Okay,” Jamari said, turning to look at his father again for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. He considered maybe it was. “So, she started it accidentally—”

“It wasn’t on accident, Jamari,” Joseph forced himself to keep his son’s gaze, despite wanting everything in him to turn away. He forced his eyes to emphasize the truth he knew would be hard for his son to face.

Also still in the room, Ms. Mae knew the story. She also knew the rest of their food she’d slaved over for hours was in the kitchen, growing chillier with each passing moment. And yet she still couldn’t bring herself to pull away. She stood by the kitchen door, witnessing her grandson’s whole world as the dry, autumn leaf crunched by his father’s hand, right before her. A crushing she’d unknowingly initiated. For a split moment, her mind questioned whether she should have brought this truth to light. But she very quickly reasoned yes, it had been the right thing to do. She reckoned the boy needed to know.

“Wha— It wasn’t on accident?” Jamari followed. “But wh—why… Why would she do that?”

Joseph was silent, his eyes back on Ms. Mae, pleading for a way for this conversation to be undone—for Ms. Mae’s words, which he’d felt vehemently weren’t her place to speak, never said.

“Pops, why would she do that?!?”

Joseph deeply exhaled. “Jamari, son… Your mom was very sick. She snuck into to the neighbors’ house that day with their spare key while they were on vacation. Their home security cameras showed where she started the fire while she was in the house… and she didn’t leave… on purpose. She stayed in the house, as it burned, on purpose.”

“So, no one else was around the whole time?”

Joseph signed again. “No, not the whole time. Others came eventually…”

Jamari’s eyes widened again, demanding answers.

“She…didn’t save other people. Other people—we—tried…to save her,” Joseph said softly.

He continued. “A nearby neighbor had seen her go into the house and then it going up in flames not long after. I was taking a nap at the time, and all of the commotion outside woke me up. I looked out, saw what was happening, and ran out. I didn’t even know your mom was in there at first, until everyone told me. And then I and some of the other neighbors, even including—” Joseph hesitated.

“Including what, Pops?”

“Including…some of the neighborhood kids…”

“What?”

“Everyone loved your mom, Jamari. And several of us — yes, even some of the kids nearby…tried to go in and save her. But she lit the house on fire on purpose and made sure we couldn’t. We think the only reason she didn’t do it in our house was because I was home at the time. And you had just gone up the street to your friend’s house. I thank God you weren’t anywhere near there. Your friend’s mom didn’t know exactly what was going on but kept you away, to be safe. I thank God for her to this day for that.”

Jamari took a few more moments to try and process all he was hearing. It all seemed so unreal. Or maybe he just wished it was.

“How do you know she did it on purpose?” Jamari asked another question he wasn’t yet sure he really wanted to know the answer to.

Joseph’s additional silence already began to answer for him.

“How do you know she did it on purpose?!?” Jamari demanded.

“The security cameras showed where… She’d gone room to room, lighting different items on fire, and once enough of the house was burning, she…”

“She what?!?”

“Me and one of the other adults were able to get in and tried to get to her, but…”

“But what, Pops, what?!”

“She’d handcuffed herself…to the staircase bannister. And by the time we reached her, it was too late. Smoke was filling up and the fire took over. I didn’t want to leave her, but others were pulling me out and reminding me I still had you to think of.”

“Wha— And this whole time…” Jamari’s eyes narrowed again. “You let me think—”

“I know, son, I know. When I finally saw you after it happened, you’d thought your mom had gone in to help people, and that that was how she died. And I just didn’t have the heart to tell you. I just was trying to protect you, son. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” he cried, his tears pouring out onto the empty plate before him.