One of my many regrets.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone 

An hour to like someone 

A day to love someone 

But it takes a lifetime to forget someone

               -Khalil Gibran

Him 

It's always him

I’ve had many other boyfriends in the past but none can compare to him… Nick. With his tall, skinny but still strong build. His always a little too long hair dark brown hair that always fell into his eyes. His slightly curved nose and his smile could brighten up any room. His eyes are light green with flecks of gold throughout them. The days I spent with him was the best days of my life. 

Our parents were friends long before we were born, so it wasn’t a surprise that we quickly became friends. From grade school holiday parties to high school dances. We did everything together. I was always in love with him but I thought that he only viewed me as his friend, so I didn't tell him. It went on like this for years. (since eighth grade to be exact, it might have been earlier and I just didn't know or understand my feelings). Even though I'm twenty-eight now, I still feel the same as I did back then.

He was there when I asked out the first guy that I liked, other than him, and there when he broke my heart. We ate all the ice cream we could and we thought we would never eat any again. Well, that wasn't true. I found another guy that I liked a lot, asked him out, about a year and a half later he dumped me. Again Nick and I ate all the ice cream we could and thought we could never eat any ever again. We were in our junior year of high school by now and I got a boyfriend that lasted for three years before we broke up. But this time Nick wasn't there to be with me in my dejected state. He disappeared just after our sophomore year. Right before he disappeared I finally kissed him and told him I have loved him longer than I remember. After a few seconds, he reluctantly kissed me back. I kissed him like I wanted to since forever, and he let me. A little while later he looked panicked and regretful, then he ran off and left. He did not handle that well, even though we still remained very close. The next day he acted like it never happened. I was mortified. We go on like it never happened. 

I miss the old days when we were close friends. Now as I'm walking to the coffee shop I can't help but think of him. I say that as though I never think of him and I order my normal order of a teddy bear latte with an extra shot of espresso. I got my order quickly because there are not many people here today. I'm just leaving the place when something catches my eye. There is someone in a booth by the door that I didn't see when I came in. I quickly glanced at him but since he was looking at me our eyes met, though I didn't look away. He looks weirdly like him. Nick. He looks just like he did the last time I saw him. In the booth, he is just sitting there staring at me. I quickly look away and walk out of the coffee shop. This is impossible, he can't be here. He disappeared almost twelve years ago. If he was still here why haven't I seen him since then? I can't believe I just saw him. The boy (well supposed to be a man now) I have loved for forever was right there in the coffee shop I always go to. 

To get my mind off of what happened I went down to that farmer's market that’s set up three blocks down from the coffee shop. The smell of all the fruits, vegetables, and the smell of damp wood hits me as I near. As I walk down the main path I see fresh fruits and vegetables in all shades of colors. After about an hour or so the smell of the damp fresh-cut wood is overpoweringly strong now. So, I am just about to leave when I spot him skulking in the shadows. He sees that I'm watching him and starts to walk away. I follow him. He ducks and turns down other pathways through the market. I do the same. He starts to walk faster. I follow faster until he walks into a crowd. I look around but it looks like he vanished. After these eerie encounters, I started to see him everywhere. In the store, at the coffee shop, pretty much everywhere I go. Every time I try to confront him he vanishes. The only place he has not shown up in my house. 

I think I spoke too soon because the next time I saw him he was sitting on my couch in the living room. Every time I walked up to him he would walk right out the front door, and every time I yelled at him to stop but he acted like he never heard me. But today was different. He actually stopped when I yelled at him.

 “Why are you here. You shouldn't be here.” I broke down crying and fell to the floor. “you're supposed to be gone!” I scream at him. 

“And why am I not supposed to be here?” he said extremely deadpan, still standing in the doorway facing outside. I look down at the ground, unable to look at him. “I asked you a question? Why am I not supposed to be here?” At this, he turns around to look at me. I look up to meet his eyes.

“Because…” I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down before I talk. “Because I killed you!” I look back down at the ground still unable to stop myself from crying. “You humiliated me when I told you I loved you. you just turned a blind eye on me. I was worried you would tell people, and I couldn't think of anything else to do so I decided on killing you. I never ever stopped loving you” I looked up and Nick was gone. “I still love you” I mumbled to the place where he stood just seconds ago.

Suddenly I realized I was completely alone.