Unrequited

***AUTHOR’S NOTE - Hey! This is actually something I wrote as a sort of personal narrative. Everything except the happy ending happened, I just changed the names to ensure privacy. Hope you enjoy!

Marshall was perfect. He was funny, kind, tall, handsome, and everything I could want in a guy. He was a bit shy and weird to others, but once you got to know him he was amazing. I thought we would work well together and could have something real. I told my friends all about him. I told Lena and Ada and Teddy, my best friends. I even told Fiona, who was friends with him. However, I kept hearing he had a thing for Fiona. So I was dumb and I asked.

“Hey, Marshall can I talk to you?” I ask, stopping him in the hallway.

“Sure, what’s up?” He says as Fiona keeps walking.

“I need you to be honest with me, and I’m not gonna go back and tell her or anything but I need to know.” I take a breath, knowing this is the moment that could make or break my crush on this guy. “Do you have a thing for Fiona?”

He blushes and I know my answer as my heart drops. “Maybe? Just a…just a little?” He jokes with a smile and I know he’s really into her. I feel my heart break and nod as he walks away. I walk over to Ada, who had walked up as we talked and she must know something happened because she immediately looks concerned when she catches a glimpse of my face.

“Marshall has a thing for Fiona,” I whisper, not trusting my voice, especially after it breaks with that sentence. 

Over the next two weeks, I tried to get over him. I truly did. But by Wednesday night, I knew I had to do something. I remember a specific conversation I had with Ada that really pushed me over the edge.

Me: I’m trying so hard to get over this stupid crush but I’m getting to know him better at the same time and it’s just making me like him more…

Me: Idk maybe I should be bold and be like “hey so I know you like Fiona but if you ever have second thoughts, I’m interested,” but I also don’t want to be the backup choice

Ada: I’d just tell him you like him but say something like this instead.

Ada: Hey Marshall I like you and I know that you like Fiona but I just had to get that off my chest

Me: Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you for that <3

Ada: Np :) <3

I knew I was setting myself up for failure, but it didn’t matter. I thought it was the final push I needed for me to get over him. I thought it would be that single rejection and then I’d be OK. Boy, was I wrong. 

“Hey, Marshall,” I say as he and I walk between the second and third periods. “So, you know how I asked you if you were into Fiona?” He nods. “That’s because I like you,” I blurt out and then bite my lip, bracing myself. His jaw drops and I wonder why he’s so surprised.

“I’m really sorry. I told Fiona I liked her yesterday,” He tells me and for the second time with this guy, my heart breaks a little. 

“Don't worry about it! Don’t feel bad, I just needed to get it off my chest,” I insist, trying to fight the tears as I turn and walk into my Spanish class. 

“You OK?” My friend Grace says when she sees me. I tell her what happened and by some miracle, I don’t cry.

You’d think it would be over there, but it gets worse. I knew that he had told her, but I didn’t know what Fiona had said in response. I, again, set myself up for being hurt a couple periods later when I first saw her. 

“Soooo…” I start, disguising the pain behind a teasing tone. “Are you and Marshall like a thing now?” I ask Fiona and she looks like a deer in headlights.

“No, we’re just going to the dance together,” She assures me. “Are you OK? I’m sorry, I forgot to ask you.”

“No, don’t worry about it! I’m fine.” I promise her as I try to process what’s happening. He picked her. He’s going to the dance with her.

“You’re doing that thing.” 

‘What thing?” I ask, turning back around.

“The thing where you pretend you’re OK but you’re really not,” she states and I know she’s right, but I don’t want her to feel bad if it makes her happy.

“No, I’m fine, I promise.” Teddy sits down just then and Fiona tells him what she told me.

He turns to me with a concerned look on his face. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine!” I insist but my friend Daya shakes her head.

“You’ve got that look of hurt in your eyes,” She pressures.

“I’m fine!” I vowed and it was so loud a couple of people looked over.

“Are you sure?” Teddy asks and I almost explode.

“Teddy,” My teacher interjects. “When a girl says she’s fine, she's telling you to leave her alone. She may be fine, she may not be, but she’s saying leave her alone,” He informs Teddy and I smile.

“Thank you.” My teacher nods in response. 

In my last class, which I have with Fiona, she once again asks if I’m OK because I’m sniffling. I tell her it’s because I’m just getting over a cold, which is the truth, but I don’t tell her I’m not fine.

That night I got my mind off it and just chilled at home and did a lot of homework. I had a huge report due the next morning and needed to finish it, so I sat down and worked on that for the majority of the night. It gave me no time to overthink and by the time I was finished, I fell asleep quickly enough that I didn’t have time for my brain to go there. However, the next morning would bring a day of pure torture. 

As we all talk, the bell rings and it’s time for us to go to class. I turn to pick up my bag and don’t realize Marshall had held up his fist, so I turn back around, my bag in hand, and freeze for a second, then bump it with mine. 

We walk out of the cafeteria and Daya comments “that was the most awkward fist bump I have ever seen,” and I don’t have enough energy to disagree with her. I find Ada standing outside our chemistry class, our teacher nowhere in sight. Unfortunately, it was typical for him to be late. 

Ten minutes later, he walks into class and we get started. He picks up a dry-erase marker and writes Relationship Drama: Chem Edition. My heart drops and I know this class period isn’t gonna be fun. As he puts chemistry into the terms of basic high school relationships, I want to cry, but with the antidepressants, I’ve been on for the last three years, all that’s there is the feeling you get when you’re about to cry. At least then, I’m feeling something.  

I make it through the rest of chem and all of second period without anyone bringing it up. However, between the second and third, I end up talking to Teddy, and all I get to say to Marshall before we go our separate way is an awkward hello and goodbye. In my fourth period, the crying feeling comes back and I go from singing to silent, concerning Teddy who sits by my side. At lunch, Marshall’s brother, Aiden, starts talking to me. We already sit together so it isn’t a big deal, but what he says is. He says it before teddy sits down, luckily.

“Hey so if Marshall goes to the dance, he’ll be going with someone. Like an actual person,” he says, a grin lighting up his eyes. I know he doesn’t know, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.

“Yeah, with Fiona. I know.” I mumble, playing with my food. 

After Teddy and Jake sit down, Aiden brings up a story about Marshall and Jake says “Yeah, Marshall told me that. You know what else he told me? That he’s going to the dance with Fiona.” He barely finishes his sentence before I stand up.

“I can’t do this right now,” I say as an excuse, then flee the cafeteria. I can briefly hear Teddy chewing out Jake for the comment and smile at the loyalty. I go into the bathroom for around five minutes and as I go back, everyone is leaving. I run to my table and my stuff is gone and so are the majority of my friends. I spot Aiden and walk over. “Did they grab my stuff?”

Aiden nods. “Yeah, Teddy has it.” I nod and head to my next period which I also share with Teddy. When I get there, he hands me my stuff and smiles.

“I got you. Whatever you need.” I smile at his words, knowing I’m lucky to have such an awesome best friend. 

“Thanks,” I tell him genuinely. 

The rest of the day came with a few more reminders, but I got through it. Over the weekend, I threw my emotion into my music, and my writing, and even played a few rounds of Call Of Duty. On Monday, I walk into school and straight into someone. I look up and it’s Peter, a friend of Fiona’s. We’ve never really talked but he seems nice.

“Sorry. You OK?” I nod.

“Yeah, You?” He nods. As we start to walk up the stairs, we start talking. Even once we sit down at the morning table where only Fiona is, we keep talking. We really hit it off. That day he walked me to a couple of my classes. The next, he asked me to the formal and I said yes. 

See, here’s the thing. I had a huge thing for Marshall. However, it didn’t mean something better wasn’t coming along the way. I just had to be patient.