Ashes

The following story contains the themes surrounding death.

Donna stood in the sand, watching as the ashes of her grandfather were poured into the rough sea. Disappearing in the wind and under the waves. All that was left of a mighty man dissolving as she watched. The sea seemed  eager to take it and maybe he was eager to leave as well. No longer bound by the confines of this earth. She did not feel much sadness because she barely knew him and they did not see each other much. The wind brushed against her face and pulled her hair continuously into her eyes as the dark clouds above loomed with the threat of rain. 

At the age of twelve, this was the first time that death was palpable in the family. It was the first time that she saw her father cry, something that made her chest feel heavy. Because the way that people spoke about her grandfather was the way that she saw her dad. An unshakeable force, unyielding and strong. Not to be crossed. But his crying was not loud or heaving, not like the wailing women in the church last week. Death really shatters the strongest of people and shifts so much. All that Donna could do in the moment was observe and look somber. She wondered when death would come for her parents or herself. Would she live to be a grandmother herself or leave early like her mom’s sister who could not live long enough to become an aunt. 

When the last of the ashes were poured into the sea, the eldest son’s shoulders began to shake vigorously as he mourned. He rejoined them on the shore eventually as the wind was becoming more violent, moving from a caress to something wilder as though the area was saying they were beginning to overstay their welcome. Maybe the souls wanted to privately welcome the newcomer and the living needed to wait their turn. Donna wondered how many were poured into the sea before her grandfather and did they miss their family or was this life long forgotten. 

Everyone stood watching in silence, lost in their own thoughts and prayers. Perhaps the thought of inheritance swirling in the minds of a few. Who would get what, who deserved more, who stayed with him in the end and helped with his needs as his health depreciated. The eldest thought that being first meant that he should get most. Donna’s father thought that since he had the only grandchildren, he was entitled the vacation house. Donna’s mother felt that was unlikely since her in-laws never approved of her and hence she barely carried the children to visit. 

The only daughter was the one who took care of her father.  Carried him to the hospital, took care of the medication, she split the clinic visits with her mother. Therefore she needed more than the others as her energy was spent most. Her brothers visited whenever they pleased, free from responsibility. They could live their own lives and come and go as they please or call whenever they wanted. Always too busy.

The wife stood there solemnly, thinking about the lifetime she spent with her husband, through thick and thin, for better, for worse. It was mostly worse with better woven in. Perhaps to remind her why she stayed. For richer for poorer, the poorest part was when the children were young and he was at the beginning of his career as a lawyer. Thank goodness richer prevailed. In sickness and in health. They really threw all the vows out there as a test. Her daughter took half the weight in the for sickness part at least. They never said through infidelity and insults which took up some part of it. The betrayal of that, one can never fully recover from. It was at first a stinging pain, an open wound that over time ebbs to a dull ache, never really forgotten. But sometimes you have to take the good with the bad if you choose to accept a person. She had hoped none of her children would tolerate what she did. Her daughter never even chose to marry, and the sons seemed happy enough with their choices. Once they were happy she could not complain. 

Another car stopped and parked next to the vehicles already there. An elderly woman came out and everyone stiffened. Maybe that is why the wind increased thought the widow. The woman stood next to the vehicle knowing the welcome she would receive if  she went to where the family gathered. Her intention was the same as the others, she loved him too. But she could only love him on the outskirts. The outskirts of his marriage, the outskirts of the goodbyes, the irony of it was not lost on her. She left before they did.

Rain threatened to fall. But it seemed like it was just that, a threat. Because everyone else stayed around 25 minutes longer. Finally talking about how much they missed him and their favourite memories of the deceased. Death changed a lot and reminded everyone of how it takes you sometimes without much notice, yes he was sick but you never know which day is truly your last. 

Donna looked at her brother and looked at her father’s siblings. She wondered what they were all like when they were children. Did they fight often? Were they always quiet in their own rooms? Or were they a noisy bunch? She really couldn’t tell. Her grandparents looked strict. But she heard them laugh once and they transformed into a different version of themselves. She was shocked and wondered where they were hiding all  along. All of the adults had different facets to them. Children as well but not as complex. She wondered if that would happen to her eventually or would she be different? 

Finally, everyone said their goodbyes and retreated to their vehicles. Back to their own realities. They were all to see the lawyer next week  to discuss the will of the deceased.