Aqua Tofana

19 ottobre

Despite the risk a written record creates, I am determined to write one in the hopes that I might be remembered for the truth, rather than what the men of power will see fit to record. Donatella is right; how can I hope for my work to continue in my absence, should anything happen to me, if there is no record? Even if my secret is never revealed to those who would end my work, death comes for us all in due time.

But this writing is a risk, all the same. The Church and the Law will not be merciful if they learn the truth of my business. They will not understand; how could they? The Church and the Law are what enforce the status of women as the property of men, and that status and powerlessness is what drives women to extremes–what brings customers to my door. The fact that I have had hundreds of customers is evidence enough of our desperation. Not all men are as understanding and permissive as my dear Anselmo was.

I believe–I must believe–that God sees us in our wretched plight and understands, and that He will forgive us for violating one of His Commandments. The way things are now in Italy is not what He had in mind when He made man the head of the household, I am sure of that. Nowhere in Scripture are men advised to beat their wives, and Scripture does not address the terror of childbirth. Surely the Scriptures say that children are blessings, gifts from God, and certainly my Fioralba is a treasure. Even so, we all know that carrying and birthing a child can be deadly, and often is.

Thus we women find ourselves trapped, in many cases, between death at our husband’s hands or death in childbirth–unless we can find a way to stop the husband from abusing or the pregnancy from occuring. The Lord helps those who help themselves, or so the priests have told us, and I have been fortunate to study with many apothecaries and learn the secrets of what God in His infinite wisdom has given us in this beautiful world to help us. I have learned how to use spiderwebs for bandages, which leaves can cure an ailment, and which plants are deadly.

Fioralba knocks; I must go.

20 ottobre

Fioralba brought me yet another potential client yesterday. I have spent the morning visiting friends, trying to learn more about this client. Her plight seems desperate enough, but I cannot continue my work in helping the unfortunate women of Italy if even one client shares the truth of my business too broadly. I think I must meet with a few more people to get more information about this woman before I agree to share the truth with her.

To a casual observer, I sell cosmetic products to help women look and feel more beautiful and confident–to please their husbands, of course. And there are some oils and elixirs meant to be used in the church, as well, or as part of home devotions–to please the Lord, regardless of when and where they are used.

I have worked for decades like this, and I do sell cosmetics and devotional liquids–among other things. Everything is labeled with ingredients and instructions, even the Aqua Tofana–my pride and joy. This product is what sells best and the keystone of my mission, so important to me that it bears my name. Aqua Tofana is the solution for women seeking a way out of dying from childbirth or abuse. At first the formula was disguised as powder makeup, but I have improved upon that design. Now it looks like any other eye-drop or perfume product, in its little bottle with its neatly written label–Fioralba’s hand is more elegant than mine, so she writes them now. Such a blessing, that my daughter sees the value in my work and chooses to follow in my footsteps!

21 ottobre

Two more bottles of Aqua Tofana sold just this morning. I wonder what it is about Italy that makes men want to harm their wives? Are women everywhere in such dire straits as we are?

No matter. I am doing what I can to help them. I wish I could do more, and that we had better means of helping ourselves as women, but I have not found a better way in all my years and experiences. Besides, if Aqua Tofana is used as directed, the men will have time to atone for their sins before they leave this world for the next. Whether or not they choose to do so is up to them, and I suppose up to their wives–do they follow the instructions? One drop per day in a meal or glass of wine will bring the end within a se’ennight. Aqua Tofana has no color, no taste, and so they never notice anything amiss–but each drop is laced with arsenic, lead, belladonna–things we use to kill rats that venture into our homes.

From the first dose they start feeling a bit poorly–tired and achy and congested. By the third dose they are vomiting and in great discomfort. Usually no more than four or five doses are necessary to bring the end. And then the woman is free. It is no great boon to be a widow, but widowhood is a far sight better than dying in childhood or under a husband’s fists. At least widows are still alive and have some control over their own destinies. I would know, since my dear Anselmo left us years ago–without the aid of Aqua Tofana, it must be said. I even tried to save him, with what I know of the apothecary’s arts. I suppose God decided it was time to call him home, but left me to survive him. 

The good Lord must know that my work is not yet done. Still women suffer abuse from their husbands, unwanted pregnancies, the perils of childbirth. If the Law and the Church will provide us no respite or escape, what choice do we have but to take our fates into our own hands–or else perish? Is it not a sin to stand by and do nothing to aid others in their suffering, when we are aware that they suffer? And a worse sin, I think, than to dispatch those Satan has waylaid into abusing the wife God has given them as a partner in this life–particularly as Aqua Tofana gives them time for repentance and absolution before the end, without leaving time to backslide into the old harmful ways. Though I’m sure this poison brings a painful end, there is some mercy in it.

And so I, Giulia Tofana, will continue in this work for as long as I can–for as long as the Lord allows me to do so. Aqua Tofana has saved more than four hundred women from dangerous husbands. Lord willing, I will save hundreds more before He calls me home.