The Epic Betrayal

Even now, when I’m staring at the face of death, I still find myself reminiscing on those marvelous years in my youth when Jeshua walked among us, and because of him, I have no fear of what’s to come. Too few years we have been together and so many years we’ve been apart. Soon we will be rejoined for eternity.

During the time we’ve spent together, there were joyous times, as well as the miraculous times we shared during Jeshua’s ministry. From the time I left Magdala until that horrid day in Jerusalem, I was always by his side and when he died on that that wretched cross, I part of me died with him. Oh, how I detested Judas that day, thinking how he had destroyed of God’s plan of saving the world. It was not until Jeshua’s return on the third day, when he told me who betrayed who. Jeshua swore me to secrecy never to reveal this story, but now I feel the holy spirit driving me to tell reveal the truth.

It was the morning before Passover. As the Apostles were talking among themselves, Jesus placed his hand on Judas’ shoulder and began to talk to him privately. “Judas, my friend, I have a difficult mission for you. I want you to go to the temple and whisper to those who are in league with the Sanhedrin and let them know you wish to tell them of my whereabouts tonight. They are hungry for my flesh and will be eager to hear you.”

Judas couldn’t believe his ears. “I don’t understand, Jeshua. Why would you want me or anyone else to do that?”

Jeshua smiled at him. “For months I’ve been saying I must die and rise again on the third day. Peter, John, and the rest of them have mud in their ears and haven’t listened to the words I’ve said. Now they must be shown the truth and only you have the key to unlock that secret. You alone have the strength and courage to do what seems impossible, to betray me to those who wish me dead.”

For a moment, Judas just stood there, then nodded. “So, it is time, my Lord.”

A tear ran down Jeshua’s cheek. “Sadly, it is. I must obey my father, even if I greatly fear what lies ahead.” Jeshua hugged Judas and kissed him on the cheek. “Go now, my friend, before either of us has time to change our minds.”

Judas walked off and disappeared into the crowd. “It is done,” Jeshua whispered. “Father, into your hands, I commend my spirit.” Jeshua wiped the tear from his cheek and returned to the Apostles.

That evening, they gathered for the Passover feast. Judas was with them but was far from relaxed. Jeshua leaned towards Judas and said, “Go. Do what you must be done.” Without saying a word, Judas left.

The Apostles looked at each other and wondered what Judas was up to, but soon, everyone calmed down and continued the ritual meal. When they finished, they retreated to the Garden of Gethsemane. There, Jeshua told them to wait and pray. As the apostles waited by the gate to the garden, Jeshua went deeper into the Garden.

I didn’t know what Judas was up to, but I knew in my heart Jeshua was distressed. When I caught up with him, he was already deep in prayer. If anyone would see him, they would realize he was physically spent and exhausted. As sweat was pouring off his forehead, I could hear him begging and praying, “Please, Father, let this day pass by me like any other day.” Then, his shoulders slumped. “But thy will is done.”

As I walked up behind him, Jeshua turned towards me and said, “Mary, I’m so afraid. I thought I could get through this, knowing it’s God’s will, but now, I’m not so sure.”

             My heart broke as I looked at this man who seemed so lost and alone. “Jeshua, I love you,” I said. “I have for a while, now and I know you love me. We could walk away and never look back. With this in mind, I ask you, do you think God’s love for you is less than our love for each other? God loves us infinitely more than we could ever possibly love each other. Would he put you through this pain and suffering without having a greater purpose? You told me yourself, we may not understand God’s plans, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Let go of your fears. Let God do with you as he wishes.”

I could see the tension lifting off his shoulders when I spoke those words. Jeshua replied, “Thank you, Mary. You were the answer to my prayers.”

Jeshua stood and we walked to the gate. When we arrived, we found the apostles fast asleep. Not wanting to add to their embarrassment, I stepped back into the shadows as Jeshua woke and rebuked them. When he finished chastising them, he then returned to the garden to pray again. “Someone needs to pray for them, if they won’t pray for themselves,” he told me.

I couldn’t help but smile as I walked behind him. “They mean well, but they’re exhausted from all that has gone on lately.”

Jeshua didn’t reply. He reached the spot he was at before and began to pray again. Mary knelt and joined him. When they finished, they returned to the apostles and again, found them sleeping again. Again, I stepped back into the shadows as Jeshua woke them.

As Jeshua was about to rebuke them, the sound of voices interrupted him. Judas appeared at the gate and walked towards Jeshua.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I stepped back further into the darkness.

Judas stood in front of Jeshua, then kissed his cheek. At that moment, temple guards rushed in and arrested Jeshua. The apostles fruitlessly skirmished with them, then took off running. The guards didn’t bother to pursue them. Instead, they surrounded Jeshua and herded him off to the temple.

It was when silence fell in the garden when reality hit me. I was alone and far from the inn. If a temple guard returned for whatever reason, I would be at his mercy with no one to help me. Cautiously, I left my hiding place and quickly left the garden. Carefully I slipped from shadow to shadow as I made my way back to the city. My world had turned upside down and there was nothing I could do about it.

When I returned to the inn, rage became my new companion. How could Judas do this, I said to myself. All this time we spent together how could he turn his back on us so easily? But I didn’t have time to dwell on his betrayal. I had to pray for Jeshua and his safe return.

But my prayers were left unanswered. Jeshua died on that cross and Judas had killed himself. I had nowhere to vent my anger, except at myself. Why did I hide in the shadows? Why didn’t I stand by Jeshua when he needed me most? Did I not also betray Jeshua as much as Judas did? When Jeshua was dragging his cross in the sand, why didn’t I have the same courage as that woman who dared to touch Jeshua, wipe the blood, and sweat off his face? Never had I ever thought so little of myself as I did that torturous day.

Not long after, I learned I wasn’t alone. Peter, through fear of losing his own life, denied Jeshua three times, before the sun even rose. The rest of the apostles ran away and hid in fear. And the crowds who once surrounded and praised him, now condemn him. Those three days were the worst in my life.

But as I said in the beginning. Jeshua came to me and told me the truth. “It was all part of God’s plan,” he said. “From the beginning to the end, all had happened as it was meant to. All the lost souls in the past, as well as those in the future now have a chance for eternal life. We must all suffer with the truth of who we are. Weak, pride filled sinners, who are only looking out for themselves. Only when we face this truth, will we have a chance for redemption, and are able to receive God’s mercy. Remember this Mary, for this is the key to eternal life.” And as I promised, I kept this secret to myself, letting the apostles have their say and to plant the seeds of salvation in the world.

But now that Death's cold hand is about to touch me, I feel free to tell my story and hope my words will someday touch one’s heart.