Corn on the Cobb

“So, what’s the catch?” 

“Buddy, there’s a catch on every side of every deal. The trick in life is to see it coming.”

“Hmm, well ok I guess so. And my name's Clark by the way.”

“Well, Clark with the nice satchel, what’s the verdict?”

“I had my mind made up, but...”

“Look, I can’t stand around here all day waiting for you to decide.”

“Yeah I know. Sigh...what should I do?”

“No pressure here Clark, but the clock’s ticking. Look…is this really what you want? Go home, you’re better off without it.”

“Just wait, can you give me a second.”

“Holy shit, what’s going on over there? Ah shit, the cops.”

“Well…we’re not doing anything wrong standing here.”

“Not in your world Clark.”

“Ok, what do we do?”

“Huh, they’re swarming around the bank. Some shit must be going down. You’re lucky you left when you did.”

“It seemed fine when I was there. I guess we should be taking off.”

“We?... I'M aka ME. Will be taking off. Don’t need any baggage and blue entanglements if you know what I mean.”

“Ok, Ok, I’ll take it.”

“What? oh. Jesus Clark, what’s going on in your head.”

“All I have is 100’s.”

“Well Clark, I’m not a bank. And the one over there is preoccupied. So you’re shit outta luck.”

“Ok, ok. No change needed.”

“Here you go. Be careful man.”

“Wait, can I get a ride?”

“Are you shitting me Clark?”

“I’ll pay you, $200. Come on. With all the commotion I just want to get out of here. How about a ride to the metro station, it’s not far.”

“No. N.O.”

“Come on, it’s not far.”

“Ah shit, ok Clark. To the metro that’s it. And hurry up, we gotta get outta here.”

“Ok, thanks.”

“You look nervous Clark. Take it easy, it'll be fine.”

“Yeah. I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

“Well you came to me, so I’m guessing you got some shit going on. By the looks of you, I wouldn’t say this is a normal day for you.”

“Nothing's normal anymore.”

“Dammit we didn’t beat it. They’ve already got the streets cordoned off.”

“Oh my god, what are we going to do? What should I say? I should never have done this. They are gonna find out.”

“Ok Clark, relax. It's just a checkpoint. We had nothing to do with the bank. But, If you start acting squirrely they are gonna search us, and then we both have new problems.”

“Got it, stay calm and act normal.”

“Ya, ha. That's the trick, act normal.”

“Oh, I better hide my bag. Is it ok to put it under the seat?”

“Ya. Make sure they don’t see you doing it. And,make sure the strap is not hanging out.”

“Ok, ok. Bag under the seat, strap hidden. Using my feed. Uhh.”

“Holy shit Clark, what are you doing with a gun?”

“Um, nothing.”

“Fuck me, you robbed the bank didn’t you?”

“No, I just have it.”

“Come on Clark, not my first rodeo. Bag full of nice crisp hundred dollar bills all neatly bound, and you have a gun in your bag.”

“I would prefer not to talk about it… You’re a street guy, how do we get outta here then?”

“Oh that’s precious, you’re the one with a gun that just robbed a bank. And I’m the crook.”

“Ya, I guess I did. Are we going to make it out of here?”

“Well. We gotta maneuver the checkpoint with your bank goodies. A high speed chase doesn’t bode well for either one of us.”

“Yeah I know. I thought it would be easier.”

“Look, as much as I want to jump out of the car and go our separate ways. The cops would be all over us now. That I can guarantee you.”

“So what do we do?”

“Ah man. Let me think.”

“Can we just pull into that parking lot and wait for it to end?”

“Ya. No. They would be on us in no time. I’m sure they are already ID’ing all the cars. We’d be made. By the way, did you use that gun in the bank?”

“Well, I just kind of showed it, and then the teller did what I asked.”

“Armed robbery Clark? Jesus, did you bother googling that?”

“No. I didn’t even pull it out. It’s not even loaded.”

“Well. It doesn’t matter and it’s not good. And now you have me roped in as an accessory for giving you a ride. So,...thank you very much.”

“Guess I didn't think it through.”

“No Clark, you sure didn’t. And why the fuck did you come up to me to buy.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? What are you 15? I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I guess it just kind of started and then snowballed.”

“Snowballed. Great. So you woke up today and decided, I’m gonna go do some crazy shit today. Ugh. Ok whatever. We need to solve the problem at hand and get through the roadblock.”

“Should we come up with a story?”

“Ya sure, a story. How about we are down here to get some tickets for Saturday's game, but with all the shit going we figured we’d  come back later. “

“You’re good.”

“Learnings from a misspent youth. Couple more cars still.  Why don’t we talk about something else to get our minds off the situation.”

“Well, ok. You know, I never liked how difficult and annoying eating corn on the cob is. It gets stuck in your teeth and you can never get it out. And, it’s always served at get-togethers. Doesn't make sense to me.”

“Ha. Ya, I guess so.”

“It’s nice to talk about the minutiae of life sometimes.”

“Ya Clark. I guess it is. Ok man we are up, just be normal dude.”

“Morning officer.”

“Anyone else in the vehicle?”

“No, just us. Down here trying to get some tics to the game.”

“Pop the trunk please.”

“Will do.”

“Sigh. Well… there’s something I need to tell you, Clark. And I didn’t do it earlier because you seem like a good guy.”

“Uh ok, what do you mean?”

“He’s gonna look in my trunk and it’s not gonna be good.”

“What do you have in the trunk?”

“I’m sorry man, you asked what the catch was. Well there really wasn’t a catch until you got in the car.” 

“What do you mean? Catch? What catch? What are you talking about?”

“Look man, you came up to me. After robbing a fucking bank no less. I just obliged and treated you like an equal. Hell, I even gave you a ride.”

“Um, I’m not sure what’s going on here. What are you saying?”

“No no, don’t turn around and look back. You’ll know soon enough.”

“That thing you mentioned about being an accessory.  Am I now a…?”

“Ya. We both are, Clark. We both are.”

“FREEZE!”