Oh, Thank You, Jeremy

Oh, Jeremy, thank you. It’s just what I wanted!” She pulled the gleaming, steel gun, a Glock G22, from the wrapping. It really was a thing of beauty no matter what the left-wingers say. She looked it over with great appreciation. After awhile, she ejected the clip. “Jeremy! You devil, you didn’t. This clip is live. So exciting. You really were a dear.” Then, inserted the clip and she shot me three times.

It hurt and as I lay dying, I had to reflect over the past year with Connie. So many good, good times. But, she met Alfred. Bummer, about three months ago when we were at a birthday party in Santa Monica. It was a party for my friend Ray and held in his huge, beautiful home. There must have been about three hundred people there, all “close” friends of Ray’s. I was having a really good time when this gorgeous woman walked up to me and said, “let’s go to bed.” Connie was standing right next me.

Connie dropped her drink and I almost dropped mine. The dropped drink splashed on this woman’t shoes. She kicked the glass, broke it into many pieces, turned to Connie and said, simply, “you bitch.” Then Alred arrived. I have never seen such a beautiful, handsome, good looking, studly man in my life. I felt slightly aroused when he smiled at me.

“Oh, is Sheila being a bad girl again? Damn. I just cannot convince her to stay nice longer than 22 seconds. Well, my apologies. My name is Alfred Connors and this…well, this is Sheila Davidson, devil personified. But. She is really good in bed. What are your names?”

Connie was just staring at Alfred. She was already shocked by Sheila and now she was fully under the power of Alfred. Mesmerized. Horny. Lusting after this paradigm of manhood. I was spellbound and frozen. Couldn’t say a word. A whole colony of cats had my tongue. Sheila smiled. “Names?”

Sheila’s smile was dazzling. I quickly looked around the room and saw that everybody was looking at us. No. I was wrong. Nobody was looking at us. I tried to snap my eyes back in focus and could only see Sheila. That’s because Connie was walking away with Alfred—hand in hand. The last I saw of them, they were going up the stairs towards the bedrooms. Sheila giggled.

“Well, I guess I can just call you whatever I want. How about “Jeremy?” That got my attention, brought me around. She knew my name, That was no coincidence.

“OK, Jeremey, let’s sit down and talk.” Sheila grabbed a couple of glasses of champagne off a passing waiter’s tray and led me to an empty table nearby. “Sit.”

I sat down wondering what the hell was going on. I was about to find out.

“Alfred is a very handsome man, don’t you think. Of course, most women fall in love with him immediately and it gets burdensome after a time. Still, I love him and he is fantastic in bed. I suppose all these other women make for good practice and increase his skills. I can’t complain. Plus, it provides us with plenty of income to maintain our lifestyle.”

“What?” Asked Jeremy. “Income? Increase your lifestyle? How does that work?”

“So glad you asked, Jeremy. Makes it much easier to get across. Connie is going to be smitten by Alfred and, well, deeply in love. Or, at least, addicted to sex with Alfred. That is going to have a serious effect on your relationship and you are not going to be happy. Connie is a beautiful woman and I am sure that you enjoy being with her, being in bed with her. That is going to change and, as I mentioned, you are not going to be happy. Of course, Alfred is not in love with Connie and would not miss her if he broke off the relationship. We can make that happen Jeremy for only $2 million. We have researched your financial affairs and you can easily afford that. There will be some period of adjustment due to Connie’s remorse, guilt and disappointment. It will last for some time but, eventually, she should be back in your arms and happy. You do provide well for her and take care of her. Eventually, she will adjust and make you feel better, maybe even good. Comprendo, Jeremy?”

Jeremy’s face turned a deep, dark red. His body tightened up like a guitar string on the verge of snapping. If fact, it was all Jeremy could do to keep from snapping. “You vile, nasty creature. You despicable, wretched thing from hell. Is that where you came from—hell? Why don’t you go back there and fry in the fire? This is coercion, blackmail, illegal, immoral, and beyond. Why are you doing this to us? How do you live with yourselves?” Jeremy was more than just livid.

“We live quite well, Jeremy. Plus it’s a lot of fun for Alfred, not so much for me. But, I enjoy the fruits of his labors. We don’t give the morality bit much play. I anticipated your reaction Jeremy and I discussed it with Alfred. He likes Connie and is happy to spend a few weeks with her while you contemplate your position. Nice chatting with you Jeremy.” Sheila smiled, stood up and walked away.

Jeremy was in shock. He wanted to scream. He looked around the room and saw that nobody was paying attention to him, everybody seemed to enjoying themselves. He got up and ran to the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he broke down and started crying. Knowing that he did not want to find Connie in bed with Alfred, he simply sat down on the stairs and sobbed.

The host, his friend, Ray, noticed him and came up the stairs to him. Ray sat down next to Jeremy and put an arm around his shoulders. “Connie?” Ray looked at Jeremy and saw that he guessed right. “Alfred,” he asked. Jeremy was startled. With a questioning look, stared at Ray. The room suddenly became totally silent and he felt like he was going to fall down the stairs. It took a little effort, but he managed to blurt out, “how did you know?”

Ray looked very sad and spoke slowly. “Theresa, it happened to us. We are OK now but it took over a year. Worst year of my life. Theresa was at the bottom of the stairs and started to come up but Ray waved her off. “Jeremy, listen to me. I am so very sorry this happened, but you are in it now. It’s going to take everything you have to deal with this. I don’t know how much they want but they aren’t greedy and don’t ask for more than you can easily afford. You just happen to be pretty well off. Go home, drink a bottle of red wine and pass out. I know you can’t go to sleep so get drunk and don’t do anything rash. Come, I’ll walk you out.” He stood and got Jeremy to his feet.

Sobbing along the way, Jeremy walked with Ray to his car, a nice shiny new Audi e-tron. “Can you drive?” Ray looked slightly worried, but Jeremy nodded “yes” and got into the car. Ray shut the door, Jeremy started the car and slowly pulled away.

About three blocks away, a police car pulled behind Jeremy with its flashing lights on. Jeremy pulled over and two cops came, one on each side of the car. “Please step out of the car and show me your license, sir,” said the first cop. Jeremy’s face was streaked with tears and the cop took a breath. “Uh oh,” he thought. “Have you been drinking sir? You were driving 15 miles/hour in a 35 zone. Please step to the curb and we will perform a field sobriety test.”

“Officer, I have had one drink and I actually didn’t finish it.”

“Yes, that’s a pretty standard story. Please step over here, sir.”

The officer went through the ritual of the standard field test. Jeremy concentrated and passed every test. “Officer, I tried to tell you, I just received some very bad news and I am trying to get home. I live just a few more blocks away.”

“OK, Mr. King, tell you what. We can see that you are distressed and maybe not too competent behind the wheel. You sit in the passenger seat, Stan here will drive you and I will follow. We just want to make sure you make it home safely and don’t harm yourself or anybody else.

Jeremy entered the car on the passenger’s side and Stan took the wheel. They drove the short distance to Jeremy’s house and pulled in the driveway. Both cops came around to Jeremy as he left the car. “Mr. King, we are concerned about you and will have to file a report. Please tell us if you are considering harming yourself. Jeremy’s head jerked up, “oh, oh, no officer, I don’t have thoughts like that. I am deeply sad, deeply. But, I would never consider what you are suggesting. I understand but, no, I am not fine but, then, not that bad. Thank you for your concern.” He watched the two cops get in their car and drive away. He went in the house, threw himself on the couch and passed out without drinking a bottle of wine.

Connie returned home about 4 AM. Jeremy was still passed out on the coach and she slipped by him into their bedroom. She took off all her clothes and climbed in bed thinking about her time with Alfred. She felt so complete, so happy. She knew that she would soon be married to Alfred. Pity about Jeremy, but…

Jeremy woke around 7 with a massive headache. It wasn’t a hangover as he had had very little to drink. It was an emotional hangover and the worst one of his life. He went to the kitchen and made himself a cappuccino—he was good at that. He thought of Connie and took his cappuccino to their bedroom. Connie was sleeping soundly. He went to the bed and jerked the covers off her seeing that she was naked. She never slept naked and he wondered why she was naked now.

“What’s wrong with you,” cried Connie. She tried to pull the covers out of his hand and back over her body. Jeremy felt his anger rising to treacherous levels. He threw his cappuccino on her stomach. Thanks to the foamy milk, it wasn’t that hot but it was very unpleasant to Connie.

“You bastare!” She exclaimed. “Get out of here, I want a divorce and I am going to marry Alfred. He is the man that you never were and never will be. Get out!”

Jeremy started choking. “You fool. You pitiful fool. I loved you, gave you everything and never gave up on you even when things got rocky last year. You think you are going to marry Alfred. Wow. That’s rich. Alfred and Sheila are shaking us own because you are such a fool. They are demanding two million dollars to have Alfred dump you.”

“You liar. You are just jealous and angry. Making up shit like that. Who is the fool? You, you, you. Alfred loves me and wants to make me happy. Plus, he is so wonderful in bed, which you never were. Leave it to you to make up crap like that?”

Sad was hardly the word for Jeremy. Devastated, destroyed, deflated, diminished, done. Whatever, he could not believe his wife that he had loved so much. Her attitude was beyond comprehension to Jeremy and his mind just emptied into blackness. He looked at Connie with such pity that she couldn’t help but gasp. He went to the closet grabbed a few hangers of shirts and slacks and walked out of the room. The house had five bedrooms and he took the farthest one away from Connie and their master bedroom. She was glad.

Days went by, then weeks. One morning, when Jeremy was in the kitchen sipping his cappuccino, Connie came storming in the font door and into the kitchen. Her face was tear streaked and she looked so terribly forlorn. “He’s just leading me on. I don’t know why, but I am beginning to doubt that he will ever marry me. He’s still great in bed, but he refuses to talk about a relationship. He tells me how much he loves “doing” me and that he could do it forever. But I always see signs and hints of Sheila. I don’t understand how he can be so passionate and yet so distant. It’s wonderful, but I am miserable. I still doubt your stupid story but something isn’t right.” She stormed out of the kitchen and Jeremy slowly put his cup down. “Enough,” he thought.

Jeremy had a friend, David, who owned an upscale gun shop. Only the finest and most expensive for David. Jeremy went to see him. He came away from the store with a brand new, shiny Glock G22 Gen 5 pistol. Beautiful gun with a clip that held 15 bullets. Jeremy sat in his car. He had bought a box of ammo, now he was headed to a hardware store.

He bought a pair of thin but very protective gloves. With them on he could still manage his fingers quite well. He sat in the car and put 15 bullets in the clip, slammed the clip into place and drove to the park that was standing next to Ray’s house. It was open space across the street from the park and Ray’s house took up the whole block on the other side of the park. He stuck the loaded Glock behind his waist band in the front of his pants and slipped through the park.

There was a small fence in the back of Ray’s place but it wasn’t very high and he quickly vaulted over it. He was quite pleased with himself. It had been a long time since he had done anything that athletic. The backyard of Ray’s place was stunning and immaculate. A few rhododendrons growing beautifully here and there, an incredible rose garden, perfectly manicured grass and the standard fantastic Hollywood swimming pool. He zipped across the yard to the back patio door and found it unlocked. Great. He could hear voices inside and followed them into the kitchen. Ray, Theresa, Alfred and Sheila were drinking coffee with some remains of a breakfast on exquisite china before them. Jeremy walked in boldly and loudly.

They all turned and Ray and Sheila exclaimed, “Jeremy, what are you doing here?” Jeremy smiled as he pulled out the Glock. They all started to stand as Jeremy started shooting. He had been an MP long ago in the Army and was an expert marksman with a piston. He shot each of them once close to their hearts and they all fell to the floor. Sheila was gasping and so was Alfred. Ray and Theresa seemed dead, but he couldn’t be sure. To make sure they were all dead, he put two more bullets in each body and they all lay very still.

“Good looking people,” he thought, then turned and walked back out the patio door. He walked quickly over the backyard with the gun now stuck between his pants and belt. The barrel was a bit too hot to put next to his skin. Proudly, he vaulted back over the fence and went to his car..

The gun was still too hot, so as he got into his car, he pulled it out and set it in the passenger seat. On the way home, he stopped in a chic gift shop and bought a small box and some stunning gorgeous wrapping. He wasn’t much into that sort of thing but he had good tastes. He returned to the car, put the gun in the box and wrapped the box doing an excellent job. Well, at least for a man. Then he drove home.

Jeremy pulled his wonderful car in the driveway and took a business card out of the glove box. It was the card given to him by the cop who had pulled him over at 15 mph. Taking out his cell phone, he dialed the number on the card and the officer answered the call. “Sergeant Karas, speaking. Hello.”  

“Sergeant, I am really in trouble, depressed, please help me,” Jeremy spoke and ended the call. With a grim smile, he picked up the package, walked into the house and into the kitchen. Connie was sitting at the table, sobbing, and sipping a cup of coffee. He sat across from her at the table, smiled and pushed the box across the table to her. “Connie, I feel badly for you and thought this might cheer you up. It’s the least I could do.”

Connie looked at the box, looked at Jeremy who was sort of smiling and said, “is this a bomb?”

“No, no, Connie. You will like it. Nothing to hurt you.”

Connie was suspicious and wondered why Jeremy was wearing gloves, But, she knew Jeremy was harmless, so she opened the box. There, inside was the gleaming new Glock. It was slightly warm but Connie didn’t notice. “Oh, Jeremy, I really wanted one of these and I know what to do with it.”

Jeremy was dying on the floor with the three bullets in him. He thought about officer Karas arriving soon, finding him, Connie and the Glock with Connie’s fingerprints all over it and the four dead bodies with bullets in them from this gun He chuckled, removed the gloves, threw them on top of the trash can by the sink, and died.