Row, Row, Row Your Boat

"I quit," said Alina, as if the words flew out of her mouth uncontrollably, making her stomach turn over. 

"The real question is, how much money do you want to make, and the answer is, as much as possible." Jonathan walked through the room with confidence. "At the end of the day, in every role in this field, you will find something that interests you more and something that interests you less. The division between the roles is arbitrary." While Jonathan spoke, Alina recalled a lullaby that her mother always sang to her.

Row, row, row, your boat gently down the stream…. 

"You build your own life, and you will be the one to live it." Jonathan's voice hatched in the background. Alina was filled with excitement, relief, and fear when she heard him speak. Her father's ghost appeared in her head, urging her to go to school and get a degree, otherwise, she would end up cleaning streets for a living without education. "I am thinking about enrolling in school," she looked up at Jonathan. Their eyes met, and her mother's singing returned to her, Row, row, row, your boat… "In the high tech industry, you do not need a degree. You need to have a good head on your shoulders, which you do, and skills. School is a complete waste of money and time".

She heard her father's voice cutting off Jonathan's in her head. "Lies! Lies! How will they accept you without knowledge and understanding? And if you will get in one place, it does not mean you will get in the others!" Her mother's singing dimmed her father's words — Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Her eyes flickered as if there was a battle in her heart.

Suddenly, her chest turned red, and her body temperature rose. Slowly she began to feel that the room was closing in on her and that Jonathan began to disappear in front of her eyes. Darkness surrounded her. "Hard… to breathe…" she inhaled and exhaled. Jonathan ran outside to get her a glass of water. "That is my boat, Dad!" She screamed across the room while her sight was blurred, and she had trouble breathing.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Her mother's voice was singing once again in Alinas' ears. She looked over the side of the boat and saw big letters across it — "The Alina." A shadowy figure was navigating "The Alina," and when she got closer to the figure that was controlling the path of the boat, she found herself staring into the face of her father. She grabbed the steering wheel out of his hands, and the boat shifted to the right, then to the left, then to the right again. Alina was terrified. She had never steered a boat before. It was scary, but now she was navigating the path of her life by herself. Row, row, row, your boat gently down the stream. Time went by, and Alina came down. She was not scared anymore, and she also could enjoy the ride. Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily… Alina started singing along while cruising, looking around, and enjoying the view.

"Row, row, row, the boat gently by the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream." Alina sang repetitively under her nose. "What? Alina, are you okay?" Jonathan asked nervously. Alina opened her eyes to Jonathan above her, holding her feet up high. "ouchhh…" she said and brushed her hair out of her face. 

***

Alina went out into the street, which was full of people rushing in different directions. The city was loud and buzzing. She turned around and looked at the building from which she had just stepped out; the inscription "Midtown" decorated it in large, platinum letters. Alina craned her neck so she could peer up at the top of the skyscraper.  Thousands of large windows decorated its body, like thousands of eyes from which the view of Tel Aviv was reflected. She felt herself getting dizzy again and rapidly turned her head back down to eye level. Her phone was beeping, and the display showed - "get on the train, doctor's appointment!" She silenced her phone and pushed her way through the crowd surrounding the building toward the Hashalom train station.

Alina was orphaned by her mother, Lora, at age seven. Lora left New York and emigrated to Ukraine a few years after the dissolution of the Soviet Union for love. Alina was born in Ukraine, in the fall of 1995. A month after her 7th birthday, Lora passed after battling breast cancer. She was living with her grandmother in the northwestern city of Ukraine, Lutsk, when she discovered that her father was Karaite Jewish, one of 1000 of them living in Ukraine. By the law of return, she was able to make Aliyah to Israel and found herself living alone in boarding school, treated like a child, but no one knew that she never got to be one. 

After her life in Lutsk, the army life felt comforting and easy. She felt like she was sleeping for the first time in those two years. Rest is not the only gift the army has given Alina. The army gifted her love, too. Alina and Yan met in the second year of his service. They slept in each other's beds and promised that beyond that, their relationship would not go any deeper. They moved in together in a small apartment in Be'er Sheva five years later. "The next stop is Be'er Sheva North," the railway announcer brought the silence that resided in the trailer to an end and woke Alina from her daydreaming.

***

"Hello, Computing Department, Alina speaking," Alina's sleepy voice said from within the Soroka Hospital Control room. Her chair was reclined all the way back, and while holding the phone in her right hand, her left hand doodled the sentence, "Soroka, Feeling Safe" in curly letters. "Turn it on and then turn it off," Alina said in a monotone voice while her eyelids fluttered. Suddenly, the door swung open. Raanan, Alina's boss for the past year and a half, knew how to make an entrance. Alina leaped out of her chair like a gazelle. "I'll call you back in a few minutes," she mumbled into the phone and slammed it down. She quickly moved toward Raanan's room as she arranged her hair and shirt.

"May I?" Alina asked hesitantly. 

"No, Yossi, you must deploy it to the cloud for this to work. The whole system is crashing anyway. We can't have what happened last year repeat itself," he said in a firm tone into the phone while he looked up to Alina and signed with his hand for her to sit down. 

Alina slid into the chair next to him. She was already ready to recite the speech she had practiced in the mirror since she and Raanan set this meeting. Her stomach turned over, and she felt her heart pounding like it was about to jump out of her chest. But just as she was about to start the conversation, he looked right at her and said,  "Look, I know what you're going to say," he sighed. "You've been here for two years, you're my best employee, etc., etc.... But, and ‘but’ being the operative word here, there are just no open positions in this hospital to promote you." 

Alina felt her tense body leak through the chair. Raanan continued speaking. "I know we talked about this six months ago, but unfortunately, nothing's changed. I don't have a place for another QA person." Alina's gaze rested on the pen lying on Raanan's desk. It was identical to the one she had. She repeated the engraved slogan in her heart again and again like a mantra: "Soroka, Feeling Safe. Feeling Safe. Feeling Safe." 

After a few moments of silence, Alina looked up into Raanan's eyes. "I am your best employee and have all the technical knowledge needed, not to mention experience. Keeping me in that room answering people’s elementary technical issues is a waste of my talent. I deserve it, and you know it!" she said confidently. 

Raanan moved uncomfortably in his chair. "I talked to management, and they insist that you get a degree in computer science." 

Alina felt a lump of tears get stuck in her throat and tried with all her remaining power to swallow it into her stomach so that Raanan would not see her cry. Deafening silence filled the room. Out of nowhere, Raanan started talking again, "Look, go get a degree in computer science..." His voice started to dim, and Alina stopped hearing what he said. Suddenly, her mother's singing began to play in her head, Row, row, row your boat... "Ben Gurion University has a really impressive department..." Raanan's voice appeared through Alina's mother's singing, Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. "Get a degree, and then we can talk," said Raanan and signed his statement. Merrily, merrily, merrily... 

A few weeks later, Alina stood in the kitchen and put a spoonful of instant coffee in her glass while staring at the coffee machine, on which the sign, "out of order," had been ducked-taped for six months. Suddenly, someone she had never seen before smiled at her, took a plastic spoon, and walked out. Alina pushed an elbow into Tamara's boob, a work friend with whom she felt had nothing in common other than being stuck in the same space for nine hours a day. "Who is that?" She asked. "Oh, this is Udie. He's the new QA guy."

***

"Happy birthday!!!" Cheerful greetings were heard from all over toward the front door. Sasha’s cheeks were painted red, especially in light of the colorful sparklers dropping on her face without her expecting. Sasha's mother, Irina, skipped in her direction and hugged her, so Sasha had trouble moving her body. Her grandmother, Bella, and father, Stas, were quick to join the blessings. "Everyone, meet Jonathan," she declared and aimed her hand at the man behind her and smiled. "Hi, nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you," Jonathan awkwardly blurted into the room.

A giant table filled with food was standing in the middle of the living room in front of the television, balloons with strings were hung all around, and twinkle lights, colorful, of course. If somebody had to guess Sasha’s age by the room's decorations, no one would ever guess twenty-eight. 

Prince's singing came out of the television since every special occasion called for the Smells like the 80s program on the "VH1" playing in the background during the meal. The birthday table was filled with all the best Russian delicacies. The Shuba salad, Aliv’ye salad, cow tongue, caviar sandwiches, liver pate, and so much more. Around it, Grandma Bella, Sasha, Jonathan, Yan, Alina, Irina, and Stas sat.

"Yanushka, how was your trip from Be'er Sheba to Holon?" Irina asked her son as she was rearranging the plates on the table. 

"Come on! I haven't sat down, and a million questions already! Can I have a moment?" Yan said in impatience. Irina moved uncomfortably on the couch, and everyone kept doing their business. 

"Jonathan, do you want to taste the Shuba salad?" Irina asked and pointed to the purplish salad at the center of the table. This Russian traditional salad was not for the weak of stomach. 

"Yes, I would love to," Jonathan answered and received a large serving on his plate.

They were all about eating, and silence filled the room except for David Bowie, who came to replace Prince on entertainment duty. 

"So, Yan, how's the first semester of school going?" Sasha asked. 

"Did you see what they did on the Lohamim Boulevard?" Yan said and looked annoyed as he lifted and moved his fork toward Sasha.

"No, what?" She asked in wonder. 

"They just broke the whole road! What about the infrastructure of this city?" Yan shook his head. 

Sasha and Jonathan exchanged confused looks, but Yan did not seem bothered; he continued. "They just keep destroying the city in front of our eyes!"

"Didn’t your eyes move to Be'er Sheva?" Sasha said and giggled. "You don't even live here. I really don't understand why this is getting you so worked up."

"Yes, I’m worked up! This may not be the city I live in now, but I plan on coming back here in the future. At this rate, it is unclear if there will be a city to return to." He emitted a heavy sigh and returned to his plate. Alina rolled her eyes, and Jonathan seemed surprised that the subject of the infrastructure was so troubling to Yan. If you did not know Yan, you would be sure it was a troubled old man and not a young student in the first semester of his chemistry. 

After everyone finished the main course, a roasted duck and mashed potatoes, Irina and Stas went out for a smoke on the balcony, Grandma Bella sat down, sleepy, in her chair, and the four Musketeers, Alina, Yan, Sasha, and Jonathan, took advantage of the opportunity to escape and smoke a joint. The four of them found themselves in Yan's childhood bedroom on the second floor. Jonathan and Sasha sat on the bed. 

“Say hello to my little friend!” Sasha declared while pretending to hold a gun in her hand, and laughed out loud. Yan looked at the huge Scarface poster that was hung on the wall above the bed and rolled his eyes at her. He was standing next to the window, and Alina was sitting on the computer chair at the table. 

"So I don't know if I should take the Amiram test or the English class instead," Yan asked Sasha while he exhaled a heavy cloud of smoke and passed the joint on to her. 

"Take the test and just get it over with. It's no big deal." Sasha let it off. "The test is in two weeks, I'm not sure I'll be able to study and be ready for it, so maybe I should just take this class..." Yan said and rubbed his forehead.

"You have two whole weeks. It is enough to study for the test." Sasha passed through the smoke that turned her, she offered the joint to Jonathan, and he waved it away with his hand, so she passed it to Alina. 

"I don't understand. What is the problem? Just take this damn test and get it over with!" Alina said impatiently.

"The test is also in Jerusalem, and I don't have the strength to go all the way there from Be'er Sheba. It has just become too much of a trip... Maybe I'll just take the next date of the test instead of doing the course."

"So say it! Say you don't want to take the test because it's in Jerusalem and not because it is in two weeks as if there's anything to study for the Amiram test at all." Alina laughed and rolled her eyes. 

Yan twisted his face in embarrassment. 

"Alina, what about you? What are you doing now?" Sasha nodded her head toward Alina. 

It seemed like Alina was tired of even hearing the question. She wanted to filter something out and get it over with, but instead, she said, "I've been in Soroka for two years. I've been trying to get a promotion, but they say I need a degree. So I'm thinking of enrolling in school," she shrugged her shoulders. 

"Wait, aren’t you really good at computers? Why don't you get into high-tech?" Sasha asked enthusiastically. 

"Even to get into high-tech, you need a degree, Sasha," Yan said dismissively. 

"Wrong," said Jonathan confidently, and everyone looked to the back of the room where he was sitting. 

"You have a tech expert here. Jonathan is in DevOps, so he can help you figure out how to tackle this."

"Look, there are no rules in life, and the high-tech industry is no different. Do you have any idea how many idiots are in my office? The same ones who studied at some of the best schools and have computer science degrees," said Jonathan, "You should stop by my office on Sunday, and we'll talk. Do you know the Midtown towers?" 

"Yeah, I'm familiar with them. But, what's the use of an idiot without a degree in high-tech?" Alina said and rolled her eyes. 

"If you want to sound cool, keep being sarcastic, but keep in mind that the optimists are the ones who win in the end," Jonathan said and smiled. 

The following Sunday, Alina found herself at the entrance of the Midtown towers, and a strange feeling of the deja vu attacked her. She looked up to the skyscrapers' top and immediately felt dizzy. Her mother's voice singing started to play - Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily... 

Alina found herself on the deck of "The Alina," she walked across the boat, tumbling on the stormy water. She started fighting the shadowy figure in control of her boat's steering wheel. The shadowy figure turned around. It was her father. They continued fighting over the control of the steering wheel. Suddenly, her father's mask came off, and it was Yan fighting her. Alina was confused yet determined to get control over her boat. The boat was tumbling, and the stream the boat was on was getting more violent and thrashing. Neither Alina nor Yan were about to give up control. The boat went to the right, to the left, and then to the right again. Yan's mask came off in a split second, and there he was... The real person in control of "The Alina," Alina, was staring at herself. 

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily… Life is but a dream.