The Repentant Daughter

This wasn't the first time Felicity stood indecisive and frozen in fear of making another mistake in life. Everything she had ever tried to accomplish up until this very moment she considered a complete failure, and nothing had ever worked out for her; despite how hard she tried, it just never worked out, ever! What a tremendous pain it is to bear in this life to want to accomplish something, to want to be a success. "I know we're supposed to feel content and happy with what we have in life. And I've never felt, ever in mylife that I wanted to be a big success? But, this time! Damn it! Yes! I DO want it!," proclaimed Felicity. But, no matter the energy and time invested, it didn't go her way! What was it? Could it be defined? Some people seem to just have opportunity thrown at them, yet others will amount to nothing. "Some people are born to win, and others are born to loose I suppose," stated Felicity. She still had to make a choice and face the consequence of that choice.

She found the struggle with which door to choose continually racing in her mind, as was the war seething inside herself; she felt that familiar lack of confidence, uncertainty, and most definitely feeling lost.  

Has anyone ever had the misfortune of living the whole of your life as if everything decision you took on was a "do or die" situation? Every assignment, work or school, or anything that comes up in daily life puts pressure on you and no one else to be perfect. It had to be the best, or it was, in Felicity's eye, a failure. That is a tremendous amount of pressure. You've been given a glimpse into the mind of Felicity; it may help provide an understanding of her dilemma. It's mentally exhausting, living that way, and physically. Stress is the hooded ghost that comes knocking at your door in that final hour. 

Could one of the two Doors lead to death? Could the Grim Reaper be on the other side of one of the doors? "Get a hold of yourself Felicity! Death is not on the otherside of the door! OK, just organize your thoughts Lissie," using her nickname. "Maybe a brainmapping startegy session, or brainstroming." Lissie spoke into her phone, "Hey Siri, what are the statistics of people who choose a right door over the left door?" "OK! I found this on the web! People who choose right doors over left doors, check it out," exclaimed Siri. "Siri! Huh! She always seems so proud of her work, even when it's worthless! Thanks for nothing Siri!"

Felicity scrolled through the results haphazardly, looking for a keyword that might zero in on her research. All she could find was something called The Monty Hall Problem? ("Monty hall problem," 2001). "What? What is this?" Anyway, Felicity, still frozen in front of those two doors, was in no rush to choose. "Let's check out this Monty Hall thing," said Felicity. "Oh yeah! The original 'Let's Make A Deal' host! Ha-Ha," she chuckled. "Oh, OK! "This is interesting, Felicity continued as she read out loud to herself, "The Monty Hall Problem is a famous brain-teaser of probability and chance," Felicity read on some more; "In the problem, there are three doors," Felicity sighed, "Oh well, that won't help me at all! Let's try Google" (Google, n.d.), she said as she began to type in a search. "What... How should I word this?" Felicity questioned herself. 

She stared at the Google (Google, n.d.) search bar while her mind ran amuck to try to solve this. "OK, let me think." Her fingers began to glide over the phone as she spoke, "Probability of-" she paused; "OK, no, scrap that! Oohh, how about," her typing restarted; "Variables of-of..., UGH! I can't do this!" Felicity stammered around, talking under her breath, " Do I need to choose at all? I mean, what the hell is going on here anyway? I don't need this in my life? I'm leaving!" Felicity took a couple steps from the doors but paused when the thought of failing and not following through again would continue the pattern of her lifetime of failures. She turned back around and fell on her knees in reverence to give prayer unto God for His Strength; she continued in prayer to St. Jude, 'A Prayer for Desperate & Hopeless Cases; she knew it by heart after all the pains, and the trails, and the tribulations. She was haunted by those words.

"I am desperate and hopeless! And nothing will ever come of this life! Why do You, Oh God, keep me here? For a lifetime of suffering? Is that it?!? Is that all that this earthly life holds?!? To be beaten down into a corner with no way out! I am sorry, my God, for everything, for taking this life for granted; always so busy to stop and appreciate all You have given me and blessed me with. I beg Your Forgiveness my Lord and my God. I give up Lord. I give in to your will. Have mercy on me Oh Lord, I the unrepentant sinner," Felicity let out her last words, still on her knees sobbing before God before finally prostrating herself to the ground. She lay silently in exhaustion. 

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."[1] Felicity, stoutly aware that the voice she was hearing was very real. She began to raise her head slowly in fear, afraid of what she might see. Looking around, seeing no one, she felt disappointed. She had hoped it was her Lord answering her prayers. "Just as I suspected-HOPELESS!" Felicity's voice rang. 

"It is never hopeless, my dear daughter. Your hope has been in the things of this world, the people of this world, but those things vanish as the dust, but I will never leave you nor forsake you.[2] My peace I give you my child. Not as the world gives do I give to you.[3] I have been with you always. Through every upset, through all your heartbreak, always, even now, in your most desperate hour. I waited on you to call on Me, dearest daughter. If you seek Me and My Kingdom, then all things shall be yours, yet seek Me first.[4] That is all I ask of you, dear daughter. I want to be with you throughout your life, but you've never made room for me in your life. I want to partake in all your life's moments. Will you allow Me to enter into your heart, My child? It gives Me great pleasure to provide for all My children if only they would remember Me."[5] 

Felicity sobbing at the Grace and Mercy of her Lord Jesus Christ, repented and spoke, "My Lord and My God, I beg your forgiveness and repent! Thank you for granting me eternal life through Your Passion! From this time forth, My God, you have given meaning to this once hopeless sinner."

God replied I accept your confession, and you may enter into the Paradise of Joy where I will wipe away every tear from your eyes; there will be no more suffering, no more pain, and death.[6] Or you may stay and go tell everyone about the Good News of the Gospels and God's mercy and Love for ALL His children. I show no favoritism,[7] and My Grace is sufficient, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.[8] The choice is yours, My beloved daughter."

This was it, this is what she came here for, unknowingly, but this is when God does His best work in our lives! When we've hit the very bottom, come to the end of ourselves, and cry out for Our Father. We never see it coming! We always praise the blessing but curse the storm that brought us to that very same blessing. It is all a gift; nothing is of our own doing. If we give in and give up, He works in us His will. 

Felicity had never felt so wanted, so loved in her life as she did when she was in God's presence. His Love surrounding her in warmth and joy in the Spirit. Now, that decision that weighed so heavily on her and was so unclear only a few moments ago suddenly became very apparent. "I want to be with You, My God-forever, just like this. I love You and have no need of this earthly life, I forsake it. It is but a pale shade in comparison to Eternal Paradise, and I want to stay with you!" God replied, "So as you have spoken, so let it be. Come, enter into My Rest My dear daughter."[9] 

References

(n.d.). Google. https://google.com

Gutenberg, J. (1454). King James Bible (1st. ed.). Project Gutenberg.

[1] St. Matthew 11:28-30

[2] Hebrews 13:5

[3] St. John 14:27

[4] St. Matthew 6:33

[5] St. Luke 12:32

[6] Revelation 21:4

[7] Romans 2:11

[8] 2 Corinthians 12:9

[9] Hebrews 4:3

Monty hall problem. (2001, September 22). Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved May 27, 2021, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Hall_problem