We’ll Be Okay - A short story

The tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked up at him. A small smile grew on his face as he noticed that she was finally willing to look at him. She couldn’t help but notice that his eyes were also red, clearly he had also been crying. She flinched as he raised his hand closer to her face and he immediately stopped moving as he noticed. He cupped the side of her face and looked into her eyes. There was a small sparkle in those eyes, it was very faint but, after all this time, it was still there.

“I miss him too.” He managed to say before breaking down right in front of her. This was the last thing he should have done. He had to be strong, the pillar she could find support in but he couldn’t be that for her. It was too hard.

He expected her to cry too. He thought she would simply break down as well and shut him out as she had in the past few days, but she didn’t. She just looked at him, completely perplexed, almost fascinated by this demonstration of emotions. She moved the bed covers from her lap and edged closer toward him. She sheepishly started surrounding him with her arms, weakly laying them on his back as if she had forgotten how to hug another person. He quickly, some would say desperately, hugged her back and buried his face in her neck.

She sat there, completely frozen, trying to make sense of it all. It had been six months since the incident but it seemed like, for them, time stood still. Life lost all of its sense of direction and she just existed in the middle of nothing. Floating through whatever was left of it all. But at this instant, for the first time in very long, she finally felt warmth. It was minuscule but present, it felt as though a small but comforting spark had finally ignited in her. She rested her cheek on her husband’s shoulder and tightened her grip around him. After a few minutes, he broke away and looked at his feet, not able to tell her that everything would be okay since he felt that nothing ever would be.

“Honey…” she muttered,  it came out as something lower than a whisper, if there had been another person in the room, they wouldn’t have even known that she had spoken. It was enough for him to hear, only him. Her voice was a little raspy and one could feel the effort it took to say that simple word. It had been months since she had willingly said anything other than ‘okay’, ‘uh-huh’ and ‘fine’. His eyes widened immediately and he waited for her to finish, but the rest of the sentence never came. They sat in a deafening silence.

Years ago, they sat in a diner. It was the middle of the night and he had called her because he wanted to see her. It had only been a few hours since they had last seen each other but he never seemed to get enough. She tried to act like she had been forced to join him for that late meal, but she was just as happy to be there as the man in front of her. They were quiet and tired, and still, they couldn’t do anything but smile. They let the surroundings fill their silence as they shared a portion of fries and looked out the nearest window. There was nothing else they could have needed.

Now they were, once again, silently taking in each other’s presence. Ever since the incident, she had become estranged from everything. The place she once called her home, now felt like someplace she was only visiting. The man she had spent every waking moment with, for the past couple of years, was nothing more but an acquaintance. But at this instant, only for a second, she looked at him and saw the same man she was with that night at that diner. And that second was enough. She smiled. It was a tight-lipped, small and barely noticeable smile but it was everything he needed. She was no longer alone, lost in the middle of time and the universe; they were together. The small but comforting spark in her had landed on some campfire, the feeling of warmth growing stronger. He took her hand with both of his and she saw how his chest filled with air.

“I miss him so much, but I can’t manage to lose you too.” She nodded as he spoke and looked at their hands joined together.

“I know…” She took a deep breath before continuing, controlling the tears that were begging to come out. “It just feels like… a parasite has emptied me from the inside out.”

He nodded and they went back to silence, allowing their surroundings to fill it in again. She became aware of the crickets outside in the backyard, the television was still on in the living room, and the fan in her room was also making noise. She hadn’t noticed those sounds in so long. She hadn’t been aware of anything around her ever since it happened. Her heartbeat steadied, she hadn't noted how quickly it beat until it slowed. The room didn’t seem as dark as she had felt, as she realized the nightlight had been on this entire time.

Nothing had changed. Nothing could be changed, she would never bring their kid back. Although it would always feel like something was tugging at her heart, she could get better. She had to get better. Maybe the dark tunnel was nothing but a cave with no way out, but that didn’t mean their story had to end. Tears rolled down her eyes as she smiled at her husband again. This time it was a real smile. He smiled back and stood up. He offered her a hand and pulled her out of the bed and into a tight hug. 

“We’ll be okay” he said and, for the very first time, he meant it.

“I know we will be.” was all she could say back.