The Forever Alone Outcast

It was dark. But the darkness was peaceful, wrapped in a blanket of the stars, and the beautiful glow of the moon. That earthly aroma hit, as the rain came down. Beautiful rainy days are angelic in a way that suits this personality most.

My mother once gave me some advice that I had been turning over and over in my mind, ever since. “Not everyone deserves to know the real you,” she had said, “Let people criticize who they think you are, as long as you know who you really are it doesn't matter, what they think of you .”

My mother had not said anything else after that, we’ve always been communicative but in a more reserved way, I was quiet most of the time, and my mother didn’t like loud noises so we had a way of understanding the other, in a more introverted way. I had always understood that she had meant more than what she had said, although I never questioned it myself. I walked the streets of London, near my favorite library, The National Art Library. The library was filled with thousands upon thousands of books, stories, poems, scriptures, it was truly a writer's paradise, a place of creativity, and magic, I sat down on the velvety soft chairs, as I leaned back, that old book scent, that I enjoy so much filled my senses, and I began to get lost, ounce more in the pages of the book. The book was interesting to say the least, it reminded me of the simplest of times, the times where worries were not around, and I could be me without a care in the world, always with my noes in a book. I had always been in my own little world, ever since I was only but a child, never really paying attention to the outside world, nor to people, I was an outcast, and people generally hated me, maybe it was because I was blunt, or maybe it was because I was too truthful, but whatever the case it didn't change the fact that people just did not like me. I had but only one friend, and her name was Lilith, she was nothing like me, she was more outgoing, and she was loud, in a good way, she had porcelain skin, and beautiful golden locks, she was the beauty of our school, and everyone liked her, including me although I think it was more envy than me liking her. I remembered the last conversation we had she had come up to my like usual, we ate lunch and the she had asked me, “doesn't it get lonely being by yourself all the time?”, to which I then replied, “doesn't it get lonely being with fake people all the time?”. After I gave my response I could see that she was offended deeply, she never spoke to me again, and slowly we drifted apart and I was again all alone, in an unforgiving world, although not completely I still had my books, and that was enough for me, I truly believe that I will be an outcast forever, but I don’t really mind it,or at least that’s what I tell myself, In truth it hurt a lot when Lilith had left me behind, I have thought about it and even asked myself why am I like this, I wish I could fit in, I wish I wasn’t alone, although it can't be helped this is me “I don’t want to be me anymore…” I whispered to myself, I felt something cold and wet coming down my face. I was crying. I tried to make it stop but it wouldn't, the tears just kept coming down on my light rugged inflamed face, and my heart felt heavy, sort of like a weight that was weighing down on my chest. I suppose it is true what they say about me, I am a freak, a nobody, but I want to be somebody. I wanted to make myself matter. I looked out the window, my tears still flowing, much like how the rain kept coming down, at least I knew I wasn’t crying all alone, at leas the clouds were crying with me, my tears stained the pages of the book which I held closely to my chest. The ironic part was that the story that the book was about, was much like mine, a girl that was left behind, who people hated, simply because she was different than everyone else. And the girl n the story reminded me of me. This girl had scars both physical and mental, she was a knight of sorts, and was stronger than any man or women, she always spoke the truth, she was blunt, and because she only spoke the truth and because of her strength people had forgotten that she still felt, that she was still human, and so she was made out to be a monster, a horrible terrible monster. she was ridiculed, made fun of, and laughed at. She was a total outcast, nobody like her, and so the girl, left and never came back she closed herself off of humanity and only went out when she had to. This girl, this story, is a sad and terrifying one, "I don't want to end up alone, I just want to fit in is that too much to ask" I asked myself, I looked around the library, it was completely empty, as if it was abandoned. I walked toward's the window, and pressed my hand on the cold smooth glass, I saw couples together sharing umbrellas and laughing, children playing in the puddles of which the rain created. I want to be like that, I looked at my reflection, my dark brown hair, my scared skin, and my dark chocolate brown eyes, I hated what I saw, I had gotten skinnier I looked sick, I quickly looked away, and ran my fingers through the spines of books on the wooden shelves. I grabbed my thing and left. The rain pouring down, crying with me the whole way, me and the rain, the two forever alone outcasts.