A Tear in the Canvas

*this is written using British English grammar to better fit the setting*

Anthony shut the door behind Maria rather forcefully, much to both his and her surprise. He was losing his touch, his carefully swallowed emotions trying to claw their way out.

Maria did not know this of course, she could not see inside his head. She saw this act as a confirmation of his anger with her. Well, surely he would be after the stir she had caused today. Though she had been through this relentless journey of never stopping, never resting, anxiety-driven escape with him because of him, Maria found herself wanting to apologise to Anthony.

She watched as he took the seat opposite to her by the fireplace before standing up again to move closer toward the mantle. Maria thought she could hear heavy breathing.

Anthony hoped she wouldn’t hear his attempts to keep himself from spiraling. What would she say if she saw him as he was behind closed doors, away from everyone? What would she say if she saw his image slip from the frame he so carefully built? Surely she would be hurt, seeing it as an attempt to remind her of who he was with her before she found out he was the Baron, the man sworn to be enemies with her brother until the end of days.

So neither Maria nor Anthony said a word, afraid of how the other would react. It was a stifling silence.

“Anthony,” Maria finally said quietly. “I’m sorry. About what happened with Saphira, with her threats. I didn’t mean—”

Anthony had turned to look at her when she had apologised. “What are you sorry for?” He was genuinely perplexed. “You have done nothing but simply exist. Those people made assumptions on their own. They chose their own reactions. You have done nothing wrong.”

Maria blinked. “But she threatened to take all your father has built, Anthony. I know how much it means to you. I would go as far as to say you would go to great lengths to keep it.”

Anthony said nothing, thinking on her words. She was right to a point, he could give her that, but something about her words stung. He felt as if he should take offense to her thinking this. “Miss Maria, when Saphira was throwing her insults at you, demeaning you in such a way that made my insides twist, I can assure you I didn’t think twice about anything before I stepped in to tell her off. I certainly didn’t spare a thought about being the Black Market Baron. Perhaps that was my own fault, but I honestly don’t care.”

Now it was Maria’s turn to sit speechless. She only looked at the Baron for what felt like forever in a few short minutes. And then she saw it; the flicker of Anthony Harvey she was seeing more and more recently had torn through the Baron’s guise. She could see her friend again. Tears welled up in her eyes, from joy or sadness or confusion. Maria did not know what emotion they associated with. Her eyes already burning from hours before, Maria ignored the pain as her tears fell as she continued to stare with nothing to say.

For a moment, Anthony felt compelled to stare back, to not break his eyes away for the rest of his life. He could resolve to lose himself in her eyes forever if he chose to now. But as her tears fell, he looked away with a pain in his heart and an aching in his throat. Words somehow made their way out of his mouth.

“I...I don’t…” his words shook so much, he thought he himself was quivering. “I don’t know what to do. Can this chase go on forever? How could I do this to you?”

Maria considered this, unsure if she was expected to give her input. She stood and stepped toward Anthony. Of course, she couldn’t think of the right answer. After all, it wasn’t her burden to bear, but she should say something. Maria carefully placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You know what I miss, ” she whispered softly. “I miss the simple village. The way Lady Anya would gossip, even if it was about me being seen walking with you. I miss the days I would come in from a morning walk out in the forest behind the house and scare my brother half to death by saying I had been alone.” Anthony took his head out from his hands and turned to her once more. Maria smiled a little. “I miss my friend that stood across the street, waiting for me. The friend that was by my side at the market or at parties, who let me win at cards because he knew it vexed me so much.”

The grin fighting its way on Anthony’s lips fell. “How can you go back to that now? I recall you believing that friendship to be a lie the moment you heard of my being the Baron.” He moved away from the mantle, away from her. “I’ve ruined so much, it's amazing you even stand in the same room as me. Even a few weeks ago, you would have spat in my face. What has changed?”

Maria was baffled by his response. “Anthony, I simply wanted to say I wanted to stop running further and further away from–”

“Then you should leave,” said Anthony abruptly, turning to face her. He came closer to her. “Perhaps it’s time you left, Miss Maria.”

“What?”

“I started all this mess. You can still leave now and hide out in a small town north from here, or better yet I’ll ask Daichi to take you with him and stay with his family. I’m sure no danger will come to you there.”

“Anthony, that’s not what I meant. What about you? Saphira will know you are behind it or the Kingsmen.”

“It’s a great likelihood, yes.”

“Anthony, they’ll kill you! How can you possibly think this is a good solution?”

“Because you’ll still be alive.” Anthony held her gaze. “Maria, my actions cannot be so easily forgiven. I know this. I cannot ask you to do so. It would be too much. But let me do this. Let me keep you out of the danger I brought upon you.”

Maria couldn’t believe it. “Anthony–” she started but she knew there was some truth to his words. This was simply his plan that got out of hand, but she knew this certainly wasn’t the intention.

She looked into his eyes. “I cannot think this is what you meant to do. I will admit your actions aren’t easy to overlook, but surely this can’t be what you sought out to achieve.”

He exhaled. “I wanted to protect you. The moment I saw you in the barn that night I wished for the first time in my life you weren’t with me. And each time I tried to control the situation, things got more out of hand. I’m so sorry, Maria.”

She was quiet as she watched Anthony, his eyes so full and yet so stubborn to release. Slowly, Maria leaned into him and put her arms around him. Without a word, he did the same, pulling her close. After a while, Maria found her voice again and murmured softly. “Come with me.”

His breathing heaved slightly “I can’t. I’ve caused you too much pain.” His voice was soft and warm, but Maria’s heart tightened as he went on. “There was once a time I could do nothing but think of the day I finally courted you properly, but I’m afraid that after what I have done, all that I have ruined, I could never—”his voice faltered for a moment. Maria felt something drip onto her hair. “I could never be someone worthy of loving you, Maria.”

She let go and stared up at him. “Anthony…”

He shook his head, and Maria could see the firelight illuminate the traces of water on his face. “I’ve caused you to be the subject of gossip and judgement from those in your community. I’ve deceived you, hidden my title and profession from you. I’ve delivered a threat onto your brother’s life. I’ve stolen you from your home and caused you to be in a ceaseless chase, and the number of your pursuers have only increased along with the danger simply because I am travelling with you. And for what? For a crown I have told you just minutes earlier that I would rather forfeit for you. It only took me almost a year to realise it now, why could I not have seen it then!”

Maria said nothing as Anthony pleaded his case. Nothing he said was false, which made the pain in her heart only increase. She could not change his mind by disproving his claims, but what was there for her to do? Surely there must be something she could say. Her mind vast and empty, she could only say his name a third time. “Anthony.”

There was some time in between where only the crackle of the fireplace could be heard as the two mulled on all that had been said.

“Do you really want me to leave?” asked Maria in a small voice. “Even if you absurdly believe that there is someone more deserving than you of my love, could you not still come with me? Why stay?”

Anthony sighed a long sigh. “I can’t run from this. I’m stubborn, you know that. I won’t desert my issues before they’re resolved in cowardice.” He touched his forehead to hers. “If I am to be put to death for defending you, so be it and let my amends be nothing compared to what the man who is deserving of your love does for you.”

Maria could hardly speak. She was surprised by the strength of his feelings, even more so by her own. “Then I’ll stay with you.”

Anthony smiled in the way he did when he teased her. “And ruin my heroic sacrifice? The point is to keep you safe, Marie.”

“Then you’re doing an awful job at convincing me to not be with you,” she bantered.

“Perhaps I shall leave you then,” said Anthony, though a sour taste followed his words. “I should talk with Daichi anyhow. I would think it best to leave as soon as possible so as to avoid a run in with any Kingsmen.”

He made a few steps toward the door before he realised Maria’s hand was still in his. He looked down at this, a certain forlornness in his expression as he moved his gaze onto Maria. She tried to express her understanding of his decision, although her heart weighed heavily. She didn’t mean to hold his hand for this long, nor this persistently, but if he truly wanted to send her away, she knew she could not deter him and therefore felt something in her that wanted to latch onto this moment and keep her in it.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m making this more difficult, aren’t I?”

Anthony’s grip on her hand tightened as he pulled her closer. “There’s a slight chance, yes,” he jested. Maria blushed, the warmth of the fire a cool breeze in comparison to that of his voice. He gently brushed away a loose strand of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear, his hand lingering for a moment before moving to cup her chin. “May I be so bold, Miss Maria?”

She lifted her head with the motion of his hand as he leaned in and kissed her lips. In the moments of that kiss, the pain in her heart had melted away. He was gentle, his lips soft, a sense of relief after such anticipation. Had her mind not been in a flutter along with her heart, even the most saddening of thoughts could not have kept her from feeling this happy in that moment.

Anthony, with that same feeling, felt no inclination to stop. He was content holding this woman he had so decidedly believed he was unworthy of holding, wanting no time to pass so that he may stay in this kiss forever. He wouldn’t see her leave, he wouldn’t face the threats cast upon him. He could stay here, kissing her lips, knowing she is safe. And had it not been for the knock on the door, the two of them would have never known any time had passed at all.