Nice Christmas Thoughts To, “Bee” Happy About

                      Nice Christmas Thoughts To, “Bee” Happy About

    Once upon a time, many years ago, there lived a young bee named Ebby.  That’s short for, “Ebe-neezer,” thought he was the alfa bee, badder than any of the others were.  Because of that, even her own family members called her Scrooge in December.  That's because she hated everything to do with Christmas.   The only thing she enjoyed was buzzing around the other bees in the hive, especially those larger than her, like the drones.  She'd get a kick out of hearing them screech and scatter in fear.  Needless to say, she was the most annoying bee in the hive, and everyone respected her from a distance.  In fact she was so annoying that she even scared her best friend, Ringmuh, who’s last name was, “Belle” and  so her full name was, “Ringma Belle.”  Her mom was the queen of the hive so that made her air to the throne, but, “air” was the type of head she had.  In other words, her wheels had been spinning, but her hamster was dead.  Some of the bees even said when God handed out brains, she thought He said, “trains” and missed her.  Other animals said when she handed out brains she thought she said, “rains” and ran for cover.  Anyway, intelligence was not her strong point.

     Every bee who was even remotely close to being where she spent most of her time buzzing around would tremble since she was the smallest bee in the hive, she had no natural predators to worry about.  She was at the top of the food chain, although she definitely had the, “link” to that chain.

     When she was tired of buzzing around the other bees, She'd head to the honeycombs and would indulge heavily in some of the finest honey, even the worker bees were afraid of her.  They knew her thick, furry coat was impenetrable to their stings.  Soon, it reached the point where they’d offer her the freshest honey the moment they saw her approaching them.  They were just some creatures you could trust more than others.  Still, the ungrateful Ebenezer wouldn't even say, "Thank you."   Her ingratitude towards not just the honey situation, but also throughout her life at that point in time.  Her attitude was quite bad.

     The drone bees, who did nothing except mate with the queen, were furious when Ebenezer would even look at that gorgeous hunk of aphid since she was the prettiest queen bee in the entire colony, and because they would keep right on droning about their "royal rights," but their lives were already planned out for them.  This made Ebenezer furious.  Her was jealous of any bee who dared to speak with the queen.  She especially couldn't stand it when they used their old pick-up lines like, "Excuse me, you must be exhausted, since you have been, ‘buzzing’ around in my mind all day long."  Only the sly bees used those words.

     When the bees grew up, they eventually got married.  The Pastor who hitched them together was anointed not just because he had been through Seminary, but because he knew that half of marriages ended in divorce which is the reason why she thought the couple would be worse than real stinkers, they’d be more like real, “stingers.”  Even their nieces and nephews, who were really sweating through the whole thing, ended up being some real, “sweat bees.”  

     Male bees, as you may know, only exist to mate.  Female bees on the other hand, are the true workers.  They gather nectar, produce all the honey and will defend the hive from any predators who might threaten them, or their happy-homes.  That meant if some kind of creature came along who got a hankering for some deliciously sweet honey, they would jump into action and commence to singing those old country songs, “ ‘Honey’ Won’t You Open That Door” by Ricky Scaggs, “Honey, Honey, Honey” by Abba, but one of their all-time favorites was called, “Be My Honey, ‘Bee.’ “  The thing was, they all could only be singing one note and zero in the lyrics department, all of their songs sounded pretty much the same.  Young bees, full of energy, buzzed around excitedly.   Those who made a lot of mistakes were called, " ‘bumble’ bees."  There were also those aggressive bees, but the most common species were the "do-bees" and "don't-bees."  "Do-bees" follow the hive's rules and help out with the honey production, but "don't-bees," like Ebenezer, did nothing but cause trouble with the negativity they always spread around wherever they went.  The liquids they would drink had to be extremely sweet, like, “pure, ‘neck’-tar,” if you please, to the taste,- “buds.”  That was what they were known as in the beginning before they  could sprout out to end up being part of the tongue.  They would especially do that when they got a sore throat because it was really difficult for a bee to gargle which is why you’ve never seen a bee with a sore throat, although if you ever hear one gargling, please don’t hesitate to let me know about it.  By the way, if you should ever come down with some, “hives” anywhere on your entire anatomy, keep in mind whatever you do, be sure they are, “ ‘bee’-hives.”  However, if you don’t think I deserve to get an A for writing this story, then at least give me a, “bee” + anyway since that would make me feel really, “egg” static.  It might, “scramble” my brain too much.  “Om-lett” ing you know that right now.   It would really, “egg”-sight me if that were to happen.  My friend, Lester is a doctor so he could, “doct” every person who has been injured or is sick with any kind of disease until that person can be discharged, at which time they can go back to a healthier way of life which is why I, “call-Lester-all” the time when my h. d. l., (if I spelled that correctly), gets too high.  I have trouble spelling hard words such as ok and p. S..    The End.

     Now, let’s pray Santa will not have one, “Clause” during his overnight ride on Christmas Eve, although I hope his nails will be clipped so he won’t have long claws, even though his last name is actually, “Claws.”

     Sincerely, your soon-t0-be favorite, weirdest, exceptionally talented, really athletic, awesome sense of humored, self-loathing, t. b. i. survivor, Christian, author-poet-comedian you will ever be affiliated with during this lifetime you are experiencing at this point in time, Cuz Roye.