A Family Again

I am sitting on a bench in the train station, watching people go by. I see hundreds of men and women in fancy clothes with briefcases, several boys and girls hugging their moms and dads after coming back from school, and so, so many families that are more perfect than mine.

Miss Katie squeezes my shoulder. "They'll be here any minute, sweetie. Don't worry."

"I'm not," I say, except I am, I just don't want Miss Katie, Mr. Jack, and Ellie to worry.

I scan all the faces entering the train station. Somewhere in there, Momma and Clementine are coming to take me home. We'll live together again, and we'll all be happy and we won't miss each other anymore. We'll be a family like the ones in this train station again.

The minutes go by slower and slower. Momma and Clementine still aren't here yet. Ellie can see how worried I'm starting to get and she smiles her smile at me, the one that makes me feel like everything's going to be okay. "Hey, Becka, can you help me with my solitaire game?" She shows me her phone. She's right in the middle of a game, and I can see all the moves she can make, and I know she knows all the moves she can make, she just wants me to feel better. So I say, "You should put that Ace on that pile," dragging the tiny card over to its spot, "and then you can put that two there, and that three there, and...." Soon we're laughing and playing together. Time seems to go by faster. We're having so much fun that I almost don't hear Miss Katie's phone ring.

"Hello," she says after she answers it. "Yes, we're here at Amtrak with her." Pause. "Uh huh. They were supposed to meet us here fifteen minutes ago." Shorter pause. "WHAT?" Ellie and I jump in our seats. She hugs me close to her. My heart is beating super fast, but when Ellie hugs me I feel less scared. Miss Katie's eyes narrow, and she sounds like an evil queen on TV. "Do you really mean to tell me," she asks slowly, "that instead of coming to get her daughter like she was supposed to, that woman chose to commit a felony and get herself jail time and another two months in rehab on top of that?" She nods slowly, even though she's on the phone. "And the other daughter ran away from rehab again?" A very long pause. "No, Lindsay. No. This was the last straw. I'm getting a lawyer. That woman is not coming anywhere near Honey ever again, do you understand?" Short pause. "Good. Goodbye, Lindsay."

Miss Katie hangs up on Lindsay and turns to me. I don't know whether she's sad or angry. "Hey, Honey, it looks like your mom and Clementine aren't going to be here today." I stare at my feet. Mr. Jack pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead.

"Everything's going to be alright, sweetheart. Everything's going to be just fine." When he lets me go, we get tickets for the train back to Sedgeville. Then Mr. Jack drives us back to their house. None of us really feel like eating anyway.

When we get back there, I go upstairs and shut myself in my room. I get into my pajamas and curl up in bed. I cover my face with my blankets and I start crying, just a little at first, then a lot. Someone knocks on the door, then lets themself in. I hear someone set something on my dresser, then there's a hand in my hair.

"Hey, Becka. Hey. Everything's going to be okay." I turn over and rest my head on Ellie's lap. "Shh. Shh. Everything's going to be okay. You're safe here, Becka. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"W-what about Mr. Jack and Miss Katie?"

"Mom and Dad won't let anything happen to you either. But I'm going to protect you more than anyone, because no one is ever going to love you as much as I do, Becka. No one ever." I start to calm down as she strokes my hair and whispers all those words to me. In these moments, I wish Ellie was my real sister, not just someone to fill the spot that Clementine left. Well, I wish Ellie was my sister all the time, I just wish she was my sister more right now.

I still love Clementine. She's really pretty. Her hair is curly and blonde, her eyes are big and brown, and there are freckles all over her face, which people describe as al-a-bas-ter. People also say she looks like Momma all the time. Clementine isn't just pretty. When we were little, she'd pick me up from daycare and we'd walk home together, and the boys in her class would follow us on their bikes and tease us about our names. Not everybody names their kids after fruit, and no one's ever heard of a girl called Honey.

I hate my name. I told Ellie one time that if I could change my name, I would call myself Penny because my best friend in kindergarten was named Penny and she never made fun of my name. Ellie laughed and told me I should choose a different name, because that name would be mine. She told me the story about how her parents named her Mayella, like in To Kill a Mockingbird, because they thought that name was pretty, but she hated it, so she changed it to Ellie. Then we thought for a bit and she said Rebecca was a pretty name, but I only liked the end of that name, so I said that if I could change my name I'd change it to Becka.

But Clementine never did that. If someone would try to call her Clem or if a substitute asked her if she went by a shorter name, she'd glare at them and say no very, very coldly. Clementine was stronger than I ever could be, strong enough to ignore all the boys who teased us. But that was only when she was in fourth grade and Middle School.

When she was in high school, she was different. She got a boyfriend, a guy named Blake with super long bangs that fell in his eyes. They made brownies with these weird green leaves in them and told me I couldn't have any. They also smoked rolls of paper with the leaves in them, and stole Momma's wine and rum. Then she broke up with Blake and started dating more guys just like him. She and Momma would get in horrible fights about the wine. I'd hide in my room, and glass would break and doors would slam. Momma worked a lot, so I'd get stuck with Clementine. The drinks and leaves would make her switch between happy and angry in five seconds, and it was scary when it happened.

Then Clementine stole Momma's car after she drank and smoked too much and she got caught after she crashed the car into a lamp post. They put her in jail, then rehab after that. Momma got in a fight at a bar a week or two later, and she got put in jail, then when the police realized she'd left me home alone, they took me away from her, and I got sent to Mr. Jack and Miss Katie and their awesome daughter, Ellie. I went back to Momma and Clementine a couple times, but they always got put back in jail or rehab, and I'd go back to Ellie and her parents.

I remember last time like it was yesterday. Momma had a party at home. Clementine was smoking in her room. Then she went out in the living room and tried to get some of the whiskey Momma's friend Daniel brought. They had a huge fight about it, and I got scared that Momma was going to kill Clementine, and I called the police. Clementine got busted and sent back to rehab, and Momma threw the whiskey at the police officer. Daniel tried to help her get away, and they both got caught and sent to jail, but Momma got sent to rehab right after that.

Momma and Clementine were supposed to get out today. But Momma got in more trouble and Clementine ran away again, so she'll probably get more time in rehab.

Momma scares me, but I miss Clementine. I love Ellie just as much as I love Clementine, though, and definitely more than Momma.

Ellie is strong and brave. She always lets me play with her and her friends, even though I'm only six and they have to change their games to fit me in. She's younger than Clementine, only twelve, but she's kinder and stronger than my sister. She's got soft black curls like mine and brown skin and eyes, and she smells like mint and vanilla. She always knows just how to make me feel better, and she loves me. More than anyone else ever will. She said so herself.

When I stop crying, Ellie hands me a cup of hot cocoa, and I drink it gratefully. "Thanks, Ellie. I love you." Ellie smiles softly at me.

"I love you, too, Becka." Then she holds me in her arms, kisses my forehead, and we fall asleep.

"Honey. Honey, wake up!" I open my eyes. Clementine is standing above me. Her blonde hair is really messy, and her eyes are wide and red. But I'm still happy to see her.

"Clementine!"

"Shh!!" She picks up my backpack, looks inside it, and zippers it up. "This'll work. Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home."

"But you're supposed to be at rehab." Clementine glares at me.

"I don't have time for this, Honey. Just pick up your backpack, and get in the car. Now." Her hands are shaking, and her words are angry and dangerous. I put on my backpack and follow after Clementine silently. She scares me when she's like this, so I try not to do anything to upset her. She grabs Mr. Jack's keys on the way out and leaves the ones in her bag on the hanger.

"Clementine, you shouldn't steal Mr. Jack's car."

"We're not stealing. We'll give it back."

"When?"

"Honey, do you want to see Momma again or not?"

"I do."

"Then do what I tell you." I follow Clementine out to the car.

"Hey! What are you doing with her?" Ellie is standing in the driveway. Clementine grabs me and shoves me in Mr. Jack's car. "I'm calling the police!" Ellie screams behind us. Clementine jumps into the driver's seat, slams the door shut and puts on her seatbelt in one beat, then she's driving really fast.

"Clementine, slow down." She grips the steering wheel tightly, eyes on the road. A few minutes later, I hear sirens behind us. "Clementine, the police are right behind us. Slow down." She doesn't hear me. "Clementine!"

"I HEAR YOU!" I shrink in my seat. Clementine is breathing heavily. "I hear you, Honey. I know what I'm doing." We hurtle down the highway, and I start to cry. Clementine is driving too fast and we're going to crash and die and I'm never going to see Ellie ever again. "Stop crying." This only makes me cry harder. "Honey, stop crying. You're going to make me crash." I can't stop, though. I'm too scared to stop crying. "Honey, please stop. Please. You know I can't stand to see you cry." Clementine sounds scared and lost and sad. I try to stop crying to make her feel better. Clementine's going to get us to Momma. We're going to be happy. We're going to be a family.

Then there's a wall of police cars in front of us. Clementine slams on the brakes and the car stops. I'm jerked forward and my seat belt hurts my chest. There are police cars in front of us and behind us and we can't drive to the right or to the left. A police officer knocks on the window. Clementine is crying silently as she rolls it down. "I'm sorry, Honey. I'm really, really sorry." The police officer glares at her.

"Please step out of the vehicle." Clementine does what he tells her, staring at her feet, tears still dripping off her chin. "Clementine Jameson, you are under arrest for theft, kidnapping, and driving under the influence. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them?" Clementine nods.

"Yes. I understand." A rusty van pulls up behind us.

"BECKA!" Then Ellie is at the door, ripping it open and taking my seatbelt off. She pulls me into a hug. "Oh, Becka, I'm sorry, I should have stopped this, I shouldn't have let her take you, I could have stopped her--" I hug Ellie tightly.

"It's okay, Ellie. I love you." She hugs me tighter, sobbing.

"I love you, too, Becka." Then Mr. Jack and Miss Katie are hugging me, too, and we are getting into Mr. Jack's car and going home.