Anxiety

I'm free. I'm out of America and I'm free. I'm free of the hypocracy and the diplomatic bullshit. I'm fucking free!!!! Free. No more being told I can't work without losing my benefits. My benefits will now come from my work, which is teaching English to non-English speakers. Hobla Espanial? But these are advanced classes where people want to know about geographical English and phrasing. Things like how in Pittsburgh, PA, natives say things like yins and what yins means, like Yins coming home for dinner tonight? Or southern English like ain't got none. Or black English with things like my homies, not hommys. Homie's a friend, hommy's is homicide. Big difference. Or inflexions like licquer and liquere. You get the idea. Or they right things down they don't understand on American TV or on the BBC, but I get to explain it to these students in English without living in America. Ahh. Life is good. I can make money here, buy and own a car, go wherever the fuck I want and there's no security guard blocking the fucking gate. Ahh. There are gangs here, but there were gangs there too. I had to learn a few words, but Google Translate, fixes that. Just type in the word and it translates. Ahh. I am free. All these morons keep trying to cross the border, but they don't understand America the way I do. They don't understand the legal system, slavery in America in 2023, they believe the bullshit text books and think America is the land of opportunities, but it isn't.  

Or maybe it is, if you don't have a disability or you're a rich Republican, or something. But, if you're a Democrat or disabled, they treat you like property which has to be kept safe. You can't go to the grocery store without supervision, you can't get alcohol, bleach, pain killers, cigarettes, or anything not on the approved list. You're surrounded by low life degenerates. The difference between this place and a prison, was prisoners had the right to a fair trial, and none of us did, so I snuck over the border to Mexico.  

America is fast paced. Everyone's trying to get ahead or get to work, or get, get, get, but here in Mexico, they're laid back. They take siestas every day. There's church, but we choose our own churches which are here.  

I can even hitch a ride here. Can you imagine that still happening in America? Ahh. Paradise. You can listen to the music before deciding if you want to buy it and the food is out of this world good. Cow brains, rocky mountain oysters, gizzards, black-eyed peas, avacados, and the variations of bananas everyone else in the world knows about except for stupid Americans. People hug and kiss each other on the street who are friends. 

The border's a bitch. People camping out by this border for days, weeks, even months, so they can be slaves in America, too. No thanks. Yo quero Mexico. Cincinto Linto. Refried beans, sweet cola made with syrup, not high fructose corn syrup, real syrup from bottles, and fresh beer. Mmm. I don't miss America. Here, I can have amigos and amigas without the government taking them away because guardians don't approve of them. I can read any fucking book I want. Ahh. I can sell art on the street without the police bitching to me about zoning laws. Dogs roam the street, which means they're all up for adoption and I can bring them home, bring them to vets, and take them home. I missed having women and dogs. Two seperate entities. There's an old misogynous joke: “If you want to know who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock both of them in the trunk for an hour, and see which one of them is happy to see you when you let them out.”  

Plus, women love dogs, or I should say, American women, but who cares? I am free and I am loved, even if it's only by my mutt and my students, or some students. There's a beautiful beach in Rio Dijenero where women can swim topless and us men and lesbians can enjoy it. All is calm here. I cuddle with el perro every night and walk her and talk to the women. Women are more into men than in America since there are more women in Mexico than America. Fuck America. I won't be forced to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance or the Star Spangled Banner or anything. “Land of the free and home of the brave” as long as you're white, heterosexual, rich, and not disabled. Fuck America. A chicken in every pot? Try a homeless person on every curb. Hungry kids at schools. Meanwhile, these morons in the US government are sending billions to other countries for foreign aid. Why? Take care of you own idiots first.  

Here, marijuana is legal and I can smoke it out in the open. It's a the ethenal station and dirt cheap. Everything costs less here and I get a good fair wage. The landscape isn't pretty, but who cares?  

But, the other thing is nobody knows me here. No one's trying to get me to join their church, or their organization, their magic club, their over 50 community, their comedy group, their stand-up comedy group, their class, or anything. If we wanted, me and my mutt could be beach bums for the rest of our lives at Rio. Ahh.  

But, I know my guardian will be after me and find me and bring me back to the Fucking United States of America and back to BFE. They'll put me back in the cages with the loud idiots who don't even understand they're in a cage, because they're idiots. I'll be with the ill informed staff who hands out the wrong meds to us clients, but right now, I'm free and I'm not taking meds and I don't need meds, since I'm happy. Fuck the anti-depressants, fuck the anti-anxiety, all I needed was to get the hell out of America. Fuck America. I'm free. I'm free until they find me. Maybe I'll have to go further south to Brazil or Argentina, or maybe they'll still catch me there. Maybe I have to get a new cell phone so they can't catch me or maybe I need a new neuro-psyche exam. Maybe my hair will start regrowing since I'm under a lot less stress.  

Or maybe the bastards will catch me. Maybe they'll triangulate my phone and catch me. Maybe one of the students will squeel on me. Maybe my land lord will figure it out. Maybe I haven't escaped. Maybe suicide is my only option. Hell, if I'm dead, I'll be in the next plane and then I'll be free. I'll be free.  

I hear sirens in the backround, but there are always sirens in the backround, but I always worry it's my guardians and they've found me. One day they'll show up when I'm teaching a class and force me back in the USA. Damn. Can't go back. Don't want to go back. Better off dead.