IRONY

I saw my schoolmates gush over how splendid I look as I got off my Bugatti La Voiture Noire that was driven by our most trusted driver and the car itself was led by other two cars driven by bodyguards. I can't blame them if they look up to me that much, If you didn’t know me you’d probably think that I was a prince that was living the best life. I have the good looks, the money and I’m smart, what else could I ask for? They gave way for me when I entered the university, they were whispering nonsense to each other, and avoided my eyes as if pretending that I don't know it was me they were talking about. I let them feel my presence as I keep my cold unbothered look, I don't know if what they're whispering about is something good or is something against me but I long learned that ignorance is bliss and whatever they talk about or however fast the rumor about me spread only I know myself at the end of the day.

Lunchtime easily came and I saw a group of people crowded in front of the bulletin board, then I was reminded that they would post who would be the Summa for our batch and I honestly couldn’t care less. I was about to leave and keep myself away from the noise of the canteen when I saw Julianna Trinidad, the senator’s ever beautiful and angelic daughter who was unfortunately clinging onto the man I once called my friend, Lucas. “Congratulations Kevin, you deserve that spot,” He said with such a fake smile and I only replied with a cold look that could pierce right through him and a nod, others look at him as if he’s such a warm kind person who humbly accepted his defeat when I honestly think he just got used to it since he has always been a loser. I nodded at him as I proceed to go to the top of the school to get the silence and peace of mind I’ve been craving.

Lucas Del Valle is the son of my father’s great enemy in politics and even our mothers were not very good friends I was keeping my distance from him at first and made sure he felt that tension but he kept bugging me trying to be friends. And sadly, I was fooled by his words such as ‘Let’s not be like our parents, ‘I don’t want to enter politics anyways’, ’I’ll be your true friend and I’ll be by your side’. I couldn’t blame him though even my father told me to keep my friends close but my enemies closer but I should’ve done that to him first and I shouldn’t have been stupid enough to be fooled by a Del Valle.

So, when I got the chance to ruin him the way he ruined my trust I did it and I was ‘hella’ better than him. He wanted to be the Summa so I purposely did better at him in class, He wanted to be the student body president so I ran and won, He wanted to be the captain of the soccer team so I joined the team and did better than him, He wanted to live a life free from his father’s expectations so I did everything my father expected me to do so that the expectations on him become higher and all of that just to make his life harder than it already is. All of that because he deserved it, I will defeat him the same way my father made his father felt like a total loser. Not one Del Valle can trample down my family’s name and even if he feels like I’m being too much he should know that I haven’t even started yet, what he broke is my trust and I’m going to remind him how I felt like a total loser when someone I trusted so much was the one who ruined my entirety, I’m going to let that thought haunt him down forever.

My day actually started ironically normal for me to end up in such a decision right now. I woke up with my mother on her phone with the business partners and my father introducing me to his visitors who happen to be his co-senators. I greeted them politely as they complimented how great I was doing at school and asked how I was able to maintain being the top student amidst helping both my mother and father with their business and political life. Honestly, I don’t know as well. I don’t know how I was able to cope and I don’t know if I even have a choice considering I’m an only child, they made me sat down and talked about their political strategy in slowly letting me enter their world. They talked about their plans and left me hanging and quiet, their plans about me are plans that are not needing what I have to say, they started asking my father who he wanted me to marry for a business merge when I excused myself to go ahead and go to class.

I wasn’t always like my father who craved power, authority, and money I used to be full of joy and innocence, I only wanted a quiet and simple life away from here but the pain everyone caused me killed my old self and I’m done mourning for him, this time It’s them who should grieve. I was only 5 years old when I first heard my father command his men to take the life of his enemy in politics and my naïve-self look for excuses for him, that maybe he had to do that or else we would be killed or maybe that person was the evil one and that my father was just defending us. I was 8 years old when I saw with my two eyes my mother’s affair with my father’s brother and during that time I couldn’t even find any excuses for my mother and that opened my eyes that my happy, normal and kind family was not what I thought it was. I was 12 when my father suddenly arrived home one day with a bag full of money that he immediately put in his safe, a few weeks after that a barangay captain of our town was removed from his position with the accusations of stealing money from the barangay’s budget. I was 15 when my mother conspired a fire in one of our restaurants in broad daylight when it was full of innocent customers just to get its insurance on that same week innocent people were put to jail for committing arson, a crime they clearly did not do. And I was 17 when I saw my father become the senate president beside my mother and me and together we act like a picturesque family everyone would envy, A senate president father who commits his life to serve the country with his faithful wife who supports him and a son who will follow his footsteps. That image just makes me want to vomit.

I finally arrived at the top of the school and I looked around, I left a letter that says I have sent a flash drive to a well-known news company and in that flash drive is a video of me exposing all of my father and mother’s lies and if that fails I have a sent a scheduled email with the same content to many news reporters.

You may be asking what the hell I’m doing and why I’m doing that, and to answer your question, I don’t know. I don’t have a fucking clue on what I’m doing but I’m doing all of that because I’m about to jump off a building on the day that has the best weather we’ve had all year. That’s ironic, isn’t it? I’ve been reaching out for years, yet now is the only time anyone will notice. That’s ironic. I’m about to die at school yet I don’t want to seem like an attention seeker, that’s ironic. Lucas loved me and is now happy with another girl while I’m miserable. That’s ironic too.

The top of the school was always a place Lucas and I could be found. Nobody else ever bothered to go up, so we were alone. This was the one place I could be open with him. To love him. In a place like here, where being with the same gender is social suicide, this was a small sanctuary for me. Now, it just provides memories of our relationship. It was here that I first kissed him. It was here that I explored every inch of his soft skin. It was here that we’d talked about moving somewhere else on graduation day, and getting a small place to ourselves. I could recite all the pretty lies Lucas told me. I believed it then. And although I hate him for leaving me, for dating a girl seemingly just to spite me, for whispering those same promises to her, I miss him. I miss his voice, his smell, his laugh, the feel of his skin against mine, all of it.

I messed it up. I honestly believed that my family, despite them being like that, would love me no matter what. But ‘I’ll always love you' didn’t include if I came out loving another man specially if that man is the son of their competition. My one confession is what brought on the beatings. Usually, I would wear long sleeves and pants to cover my mother’s rages. But today, I couldn’t find the energy to hide them so I took off my uniform coat and folded my long sleeves. Bruises create an array of purple and blue down my arms. I understand her though. I can’t bring her grandchildren or carry on the Benitez legacy. The shame that society would place on her would be too much for her feeble heart. So, I understand.

I glance down at my watch. Five minutes until lunch ends. I shuffle towards the ledge. It seems to beckon me. For months, I’ve been able to fight it. Today, I’m too exhausted. I crawl up until I’m standing on the ledge. Below me, is a soft field of grass. I look up to the sun. Although it is warm, I can’t fully feel it anymore. I can understand what it is that I’m about to do, but I feel totally numb. I understand the gravity of my current situation, but I don’t feel fear. Anticipation, perhaps. But no dread.

My mind wanders to my funeral. Who will attend? Certainly, Lucas pretending to care. I snicker at the idea that he’ll bring Julianna. That would be a wonderful irony.

Suddenly, a tear escapes my eyes. I’m slightly shocked. I haven’t cried since Lucas left me. It’s a nasty feeling, crying. I shake my head slightly. I’m not going to cry right before I jump.

I should let my final thoughts be happy memories.

I think about the time Lucas and I laid on this roof, looking at clouds, and talking about the future like we had one together.

“Hey Lucas, you know I love you, right?”

“I love you too, more than you can imagine”

“Tell me about what we’re going to do after we graduate.”

“Well, the day we graduate, we’ll board a plane. Maybe to the US, who knows. We’ll find a place that will accept us. We’ll get a small little house, with daisies in front, just like you want.”

“And dark wood flooring, not lightwood, because a certain someone likes to spill drinks on the floor”. Lucas giggles. “Where’s the lie?” I break into laughter.

I turn, so I’m no longer facing the courtyard, but instead, our roof. I close my eyes. At that moment, a final gust of wind provides me the push I need just as the bell rings. I’m not falling through. I open my eyes. I’m flying. The warm sunbeams against my face. A sharp pain floods through my body. I blink, and instead of soaring through the sky, I am laying in the grass. I hear a scream, and hear people rushing over. My eyes, although open, can’t see anything but bits and pieces of the scene unfolding around me. I can’t catch any of the words the students are screaming at each other. I could swear I hear a familiar voice approaching, but I’m not sure. The same voice grabs my shoulders and demands that I stay with him. I catch a glimpse of the hazel brown hair I’ve grown to both love and hate.

Lucas.

Sorry, my dear. I’m already free. I take a breath, and as I exhale, I can see the scene from above, as if I am floating above my body. Lucas’ hazel brown hair is covering my face. I gag a little. I’m not looking so great. Lucas screams at a student to call for help, then turns back to me, or what used to be me.

I’m free.

Goodbye, Lucas.

I’m sorry.