Uneven Burdens

Addie looked at her watch showing the perfectly correct time.

Jed looked at his watch, displaying the same time down to the second. “An hour left until midnight, we’ll still make it,” He gripped the steering wheel and pushed the gas pedal harder. Addie got pushed back in her seat from the sudden acceleration.

“If you left a little earlier this wouldn’t have happened,” their mother’s tone beamed with pride at the profoundness of her wisdom. The truck got another jolt of speed. The uneven country road jostled the truck back and forth with the increased speed. Mom went for a sip of her tea, and Jed slowed back down. Addie stuck her arms out to save the large tower of New Year’s fireworks in the other half of the backseat. As per the instructions, the fireworks were carefully arranged, fuse lengths properly cut and ‘none of them could be bent, dented or otherwise disturbed’, according to Jed.

Addie and Jed had already stayed out at the cabin since Christmas Day. It got quite cold on some of those nights so their mother would only be staying for the fireworks. Without dad around to fix the generator, all they had was the fireplace with a chimney. It worked, but their sap-filled wood shot out more molten slag than a popcorn machine. Keeping fireworks in that tiny shack was a disaster waiting to happen. Charlene and Rich stayed behind just to ensure the cabin wouldn’t burn down. They didn’t even have to politely turn down the offer to join a four hour truck ride to pick Jed and Addie’s mother up. More like four and half now, one of their tires blew and they needed to put on the spare.

The only other dry place was the backseat of the truck, which also became storage for the flammable duffle bags, and because she lost the coin toss, herself. As such, the duffle bags were stuffed along the floor and the fireworks stacked neatly within a precise order next to her.

Mom finished the sip of her tea. “Jed dear, how’s Charlene?”

“Fine fine, it’s been good with us,” Jed responded. “Work won’t send me away for the holidays this year so it’s been great so far.”

“That’s nice,” Mom turned her head, but not enough to meet Addie in the eye, “Have you found anyone yet since you drove Derrick away?”

Addie relaxed her arm, confident with the tower’s stability. “I’m not seeing anyone now.”

“Hmm,” she turned back to face the dashboard.

The two hours to the city went a lot faster than the trip back, when she felt she could speak unjudged and still had leg room. They approached a hill and Jed pushed the pedal a little further.

Jed started, “So Charlene and I were planning a trip-”

BAM

The truck leaned off to one side. The ride got a lot rougher, rattling violently back and forth. Addie grabbed the tower with both hands to minimize the damage.

“No, no, no,” Jed pulled the truck off to the side of the road, drifting into a snowbank. The truck stopped and Jed jumped out the car, shutting the door fast behind him to keep as much heat in. Addie tried her best to calm her racing heart with slow breaths.

“I spilled my tea,” Mom whined.

“On yourself?” Addie asked.

“No, but I spilled it, Addie,” she sneered.

Addie flexed and stretched her arm out. It felt strained from the little fiasco. Only a couple moments passed before Jed jumped back in, but they felt like minutes.

“Another flat,” Jed smacked his palm into the rim of the steer wheeling.

“As I said,” Mom said. “Never listen to Mom though.”

Jed turned the truck off, the loud ambience of the diesel truck led to a near-eerie silence. Jed fully turned to face her, shoulders and all, “Addie, the summer tires are in the shed.”

Addie recoiled, “What? Is that the only option?”

“Unless we all think we could walk the rest of the way?” Jed said, looking at Mom.

“No,” Mom said bluntly.

“Jed,” Addie leaned forward, placing her hand on the center console for balance. “We could always skip this year.”

Jed’s face darkened, “We’re going to make it,” His expression shot through to her soul. What he was asking was ludicrous. But she understood where he came from. She gauged the outside through the truck's window. It wasn’t snowing, it wasn’t even particularly icy, but it sure looked cold. It was impossible to tell how far away the cabin was, this whole road looked the same until their turn off.

Addie sighed. “I’ll be back soon,” Addie opened the center console and grabbed a hand warmer. She cracked it, hopped out of the truck, and began her run.

She was able to put her track practice to good use. Putting the mind elsewhere was ideal for long distance running, to keep the mind active and away from repetition, and in this case the cold as well. The muscles in her face got cold, becoming numb. Each wiggle of her cheeks to regain feeling creaked the frozen muscles, becoming both numb and painful. She grabbed the handwarmer in her pocket, barely warm enough to feel it. She dabbed it on her face to relieve some of the pain.

She tried to put her mind somewhere warm. That vacation to Bermuda last February, the cabin with the fire roaring, even just the truck from a few moments ago. It worked for a time, but a strong gust or a piece of the road too uneven was enough to snap her back to reality, where she would have to start all over again. Maybe she’d take a break inside the cabin by the fire to warm up.

She finally reached the small road with the yellow sign. She kept her pace as she reached their home away from home, where it stood, as dad would have have put it, ‘in all its antique glory’. The small courtyard only had the cabin itself and the shed near it. She ran through the tire tracks they made through the snow as they left in the afternoon until she reached the shed. The shed was left open since the lock hinge rusted off this summer. They didn’t bother replacing it, everything else was too old or too heavy to be worth stealing. Like the tires.

She pulled out the trolley hidden in the back behind all the summer bikes and spring gardening equipment. The tire was an awkward fit but it was a whole lot better than carrying it. The firelight from within the cabin flickered in one of the windows, drawing her attention.

Addie choked on her own breath. Charlene lay down next to Rich, resting her head against his bare chest. Rich stroked the top of her head, running his fingers through her blonde hair. Addie looked away, but that image was burned into her mind. Her long time best friend and sister-in-law. They knew each other. Addie was there at the wedding. Rich went to her wedding.

She looked up again a couple times, hoping there was a trick with the lighting. Was it just a light colored shirt? No, his curled chest hair was too prominent. Maybe Charlene was unaware? She was smiling. Her lips moved, as they made conversation. Addie couldn’t look for more than a couple seconds, but she couldn’t stop looking just as often.

She turned her attention to the task at hand. The tire had stayed on the trolley while she was distracted. She pulled the trolley through the trail of slush, jerking it forward when the small wheels got stuck. It stayed on, which was a good start. She began her long trek back up the road. She had to adjust the tires a couple of times as the trolley rattled too much from the asphalt. The weight of pushing the tire and trolley slowed her down considerably, but the time seemed to fly by. There wasn’t an issue putting her mind somewhere else. Before she knew it, the big grey truck up ahead came into view. Jed came running to meet her.

“Oh, thank you, thank you,” Jed took the trolley from her and pushed it the rest of the way back to the truck.

“I can change it,” Addie said between breaths. “You did the last one.”

“No no no, now it’s my turn to be cold,” Jed pushed the trolley next to the truck, knelt to the ground and began jacking the truck up.

Mom was standing on the side of the road, sipping at her empty cup, pining for a world where it wasn’t on the truck’s floor. Addie paced around next to her. She needed to do something. She really wanted to change that tire. Now she was stuck with questions swimming with mind. Addie took the hand warmer out of her pocket, absolutely blazing with heat. She rubbed it between her hands. She rubbed it, and rubbed, and rubbed. It became scalding to hold, she bounced it between hands like a hot potato. Her mother stood next to her, wordless, almost emotionless. She’s been so distant from her for a long time, and only more so since Dad passed. She was glad she was the one who ran off to the cabin. It would have been more painful to stay here. Much more painful.

“Something on your mind?” Mom asked.

“I didn’t know you noticed that type of thing,” Addie said.

“It’s my job as a mother,” Mom said.

“Could have fooled me, I’ve never seen you do anything like that,” Addie said.

“You never needed it,” Mom said. Addie frowned at her.

“It’s done!” Jed picked the car jack off the ground. He threw the busted remains of the tire in the bed of the truck with the other flat. The mismatched tires gave the truck a cheap look, one that matched its quick fix nature. Jed jumped around to the driver's seat.

Addie and Mom wordlessly took their seats back in the truck.

Jed turned the ignition key. The truck wheels spun and finally stuck to their path. Jed’s stress escaped him with one large exhale.

“We’ll be there in time,” Jed pounded the steering wheel with excitement.

“Good,” Mom said. That was about as much thanks as they’d get.

Jed pushed the truck to go as fast as he could, hoping a third tire wouldn’t bust. The pile of fireworks jostled around the backseat. Addie stuck her arm across the front of it and kept it out. She didn’t ever let it rest. She didn’t need to think about the fireworks right now.

Addie leaned forward, “Jed, we need to talk.”

Jed looked at her through the rearview mirror, “Addie, I’m really focused on the driving here, we’ll only just make the first launch,” Jed said.

“No, you need to listen to me now,” Addie insisted.

“Addie dear,” Mom said firmly. “Jed’s focusing on driving.”

“It’s about Charlene,” Addie said.

Mom turned around to face Addie, looking her directly in the eyes. There was something firm and scolding in her expression, something she hadn’t seen since she was caught skipping high school classes.

“What about Charlene?” Jed said, releasing the pedal slightly.

Mom continued to stare at Addie, unflinching and resolute.

“I suppose it can wait,” Addie backed off, leaning back in her seat.

Jed forced a quick smile and stepped on the accelerator. Mom returned to her comfortable position. Addie couldn’t get that picture of her mother out of her head. It was like the Mom she remembered had returned to her for a brief period of time. When Dad was around, that is. Why did Mom care so much about Charlene? Far sooner than it took her to get here, they were back in the courtyard, pulling up against the front of the shed. Jed braked, sliding to an awkward stop across the ice.

Jed checked his watch, “Two minutes to spare,” He grabbed the huge stack of fireworks from the back and ran ahead to the backyard.

“Thanks, Addie,” Jed called out. The fireworks piled too high for him to see over, so he peeked out the side of the tower to find his path.

“It’s so much colder here,” Mom said. Addie pulled out her hand warmer and stuffed it in her coat pocket.

Mom took her hand and stepped out of the truck. Pain shot down Addie’s arm, it was stiff and strained from holding the fireworks, but that was by far the least of her worries. Rich walked out of the front of the house, his clothes on for a change and his long greasy hair done back up in his ratty bun. He lit up a cigarette before approaching Addie.

“Took you a bit to get here,” Rich flashed a yellow smile before taking a puff.

“There’s two busted tires in the bed, toss it in the garage,” Addie said.

Rich blew his smoke out away from them, “Is that all?”

“You’ve done plenty already,” Addie said flatly.

Rich frowned and walked to the truck bed, “I can help with the tire, not the attitude.”

Doing her best to ignore him, Addie escorted Mom to the backyard, following the one shoveled line to the back. She led her to the line of chairs they’d set up that morning. No tilt to them, no water or dirt, with a perfect view of Sepal Lake. A strong fire roared with the last of the good wood they saved up, the tarp that covered it tossed aside in a wrinkle, and a jerrican next to it. The lid was properly tightened on it at the very least. Jed was hard to see but he was closer to the lake, knelt down and staring at his watch. He lit each fuse of the fireworks when the second hand reached the proper mark.

“Eventful ride, huh?” a voice behind her said. Addie flinched.

“Oh, I scared you, sorry,” Charlene smiled and placed her hand on Addie’s shoulder playfully. That same full smile she saw through the window.

“No no, fine, it was fine. We made it,” Addie said.

“Are you feeling alright? You look pale,” Charlene asked.

Addie’s hand shook and her heart raced, but she couldn’t decide its source. Was this the Charlene she always knew? The one whom she shared shots with in Bermuda? Jed came running back up the hill and took his seat in the large chair next to Mom. Charlene joined him, laying down across Jed in a familiar position. Addie didn’t move. She didn’t want to move. To get closer. She should have told him. She could have told him if she wasn’t so much of a coward. If Mom hadn’t stopped her. Why had she stopped her? The first time she looked alive in months, all she did was get in her way.

The first firework whizzed into the air. In unison, fourteen other fireworks shot in the air along with it. It exploded in the air, lighting up the entire lake in green. Then another group of fireworks launched in near unison, exploding blue and fizzled down. All along the rim of the lake, fireworks whizzed up and exploded in the same color. This coordinated ring of dancing lights sprung around the entire lake, signaling the start of Sepal Lake’s new year.

Jed beamed with glee, and so did Mom. The first smile she’d seen on Mom for a while. Rich stayed back near the house, his image appearing from the darkness with each flash of light. At least he had the courtesy to stay away. Charlene on the other hand smiled that same smile along with them.

Mom turned to Addie. She beckoned her forward to take the empty seat next to her. Addie ignored her. Her attention was focused on Charlene. Jed ran his fingers through her curly hair, the same way she saw Rich did. She felt her heart race again, her fist clenched and her strained arm flared up.

“Come, sit,” Mom said. Addie followed her, but her gaze remained transfixed on Charlene and Jed.

Mom tapped Addie’s hand. She had that look in her eyes. Not nearly as stern as in the car, but still one nonetheless.

“The fireworks won’t last forever,” Mom pointed at the sky over the lake.

She turned her attention to the colors of the fireworks searing the sky. The Ring of the New Year was happening in front of her and she could barely enjoy it. But Mom was right. The fireworks wouldn’t last forever. She forgot her training, pushing her distractions out to focus on what she could see. She remembered how mesmerized she once was by the flashing colors. The rhythm of booms shaking into her chest felt familiar, it soothed her. She sunk deeper into her chair. She felt a smile creep up on her face. Just for a brief moment, she entirely forgot what year it was.