Firebird and Mourning Dove

It was the nightshade of trees that seemed to crawl all around her. Like indigo snakes, black dragons that coiled like the world serpent in thick vines of rose fang thorns, she tripped and fell onto the black and blue shadows on the uprooted feet of toppled trees, fallen kings and crowns, flags dragging on the ground, she tripped and fell at the foot of their shadows, bent the knee and rose in dark, moonflowerless night.

The nightshade shifted in the wind, slithered on the ground, writhing vines filled with water crawled up even in the night, choked the life out of their chosen victims and then repenting only, after death, only for God to bless them in water, make it fall, God, and make it rain, make it spring, that the winter might I survive, by your strength, and that you may send no snow, the cruelty and irony of fate, to pray for rain, and feel only the drifting indifference of slow drops, like frozen water torture never quenching thirst, praying for heavy rain, and only feeling one snowflake on one’s tongue, sun perpetually clouded, overcast by sorrow, without warmth of canopy, every light seems like salvation, like to those turtles that travel by moonlight and are led astray by street lamp, led from heavenly things to common, earthly distraction, reaching for false sunlight, and dying in the wind, unprotected by the leaves of the very victim in spring it would kill, boa constrictor, python, too passionate to crush,

She ran and ran through the darkness that overtook even nightshade, sweat underneath the shirt of rain, clinging to her body, she smelled of fear, the quiet of the woods and whistle of wind that kept rising in pitch, unable to hear if footsteps followed or footsteps fumbled, the clammering of her head and, the pulsing pain of migraine in her head, the flash of lightning in her brain, followed by thunder that covered her ears, and she feared the storm would with every flash of light, every gust of wind, blow her cover, safe only in the darkness unseen, she stumbled, slipped, ground sinking in like a serpents burrow, mud trapping her in its grip, grabbing at her heels, each step waited, baited breath, like it would be her last, held firm in place by mud, pulling until like a lizard, she left her shoes, barefoot,

jagged teeth of rocks dug into her feet like animals scratching, looking for home, looking for shelter, hiding from eyes, mouth of predator, feet frozen in fear, deer in headlights

out of the woods and out of the car, he—

“Hey, are you alright?”

Wind and rain, the only answer of the hunted,

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I just want to go home.”

interstate highway, intermittently, lights flashing through car window, passenger side bleeding all over his seat, dried blood revived by rain, leather seats, leather jacket, torn at the inner lining, leather jacket tears, stained sleeves, lead foot, copper taste, rain on hood, the warmth, the kindness of a passing stranger, heat on full blast, combustion engine, all muscle, car, twisted transistor, radio on, he would ask her out in three months,

turn here, turn there, turned into him taking down her number, radio full blast, always, she had fallen off some moss rock, in the rain, slick like the road, bald treads on the bottoms of her shoes, filled with rain, squelching wet, stuck in the ground that would freeze over winter and in spring buried in cracks in the mud,

turn here, turn there, you’re going to want to get on route x and get off at exit 29, tuned into a station, in the future, wound up together, touch here, touch there, wound up getting off, together in the backseat, seven months later, she rubbed his bare chest, right now, her bare feet, knees held close, her chest,

wound up getting off, wrong exit, the primal panic, a woman of a man, she did not know, his car, no bandages, no bandaids, he pulled off at a place he knew, she smelled, so much sweat, rain down chest, between breasts, sweat down passenger window pane, down car window, gas station lights breaking through, sunshine in darkness, pull in, wait here,

engine off, then turned on, hand, over hot vent, hand, over hot rod, shift in atmosphere, hand on stick shift, touch sensitive, knees closed, then close to chest, sweat, sweat, engine purr, a prayer, oh God, wound up, getting off at exit 13

engine off, seatbelt click, I’ll be back real quick, driver side door hung open, key still dangling in ignition, gas cap off, insert nozzle, gas flowing, fill ‘er up, hugging knees, arms cradle back of thighs, he slaps the rear of the car, she laughs, rear ended, he can’t stop crying, this is the first time he’s ever loved someone

he enters gas station, she watches from car, rain droplets on window, beads, a million fish eyes lens, watching him walk into the station mart in stereo, watching him walk in over and over again, bright white lights engulf him, shivers, black leather seats, black leather bomber, creaks, held closer to skin,

walks out with, peroxide, bandaids, tylenol, bandages, towel, waterbottles, socks, shirt, shoes, too big, sorry, they didn’t have them, but you can wear mine, she never gave them back, she would wear them perpetually, he had to go back and pick them up himself,

“I paid for a shower if you want one. Just walk in and go right. If you want one before I take you the rest of the way home.”

shower, back on highway, in his shoes, sock on gas pedal, head against window, windshield wipers and wind whipped rain, eyes fluttering, half-asleep, he asked her, a fight with her boyfriend? no? what were you doing out there? i got into an accident. doing what? fell. hiking? i guess. sure you don’t need to go to a hospital? i don’t want to go. have a boyfriend? no.

eyes closed, head still bursting like supernova highway lights, clear skies and still slick, black roads, she could borrow the bomber, he’d just get it back when he picked her up next time,

get off at exit, pass a church, large neon pink and blue sign exclaiming, ‘Jesus Saves’, goldchain necklace, cross just passed that intersection and take a right, naked sweat on bare chest, the only thing he would not take off, that cross, brass section to love’s chorus, soft windchime next to her porchlight, turned off, the corner, where he dropped her off, barefoot, walk back,

nine months later, car, gnarled, bottom of a cliff, rotted vines growing over it, moving over him, clouds moving over full moon, all one could see was darkness

blood spilling, engine hot, too dry, mouth, engine caught spark, his life was falling apart, without her, muscle car, scrap metal body, screeches, screeching tires, screaming to a stop, metal scraping on rocks, music playing from the speakers,

driving, sudden rain, slushing, sliding hand, upper thigh, wanted to move in with ‘er because, sick every night, sick of saying goodbye,

an accident, water, running across the road, mudslide, no traction,

she ran, uncoordinated, he, barely walking, saw her run, deer in headlights, right into him, why was she always running from him? what was she running away from? was she that afraid to say she loved him? was she that afraid to be loved? he didn’t know how she could, just run, after falling in love, but, she never looked back

never could catch her, never could get to her, timing chain, around his neck, hands, pulling back, car pinned against time, never could get her back, in the front seat of his car, in the back seat, choking, holding back tears, why was she leaving him? what did he do this time that she finally decided to leave?

neck broke, through to the other side, finally he was free again, hand, pulling hair, his head, gasping, raspy voice, low, gutteral, incoherent speech, babble, blood red paint, slick, flowing, gas uncontrolling, overflowing, watering the vines, ran, fast flash of lightning, girlfriend running, tripping, her very sole, sore, and leaping, leaving him behind, stuck in the mud, he crawled to old boots, clinging to the ground, he wrapped himself around, a tree, split in half in the woods, struck by thunderbird,

jumbled, rambling, everywhere car parts, rusted roots, memory, foggy, night driving, rural road, out of the woods, slammed breaks, hazard lights, maybe, the time they had spent together had just been that forgettable, seatbelt click,

“Hey, are you alright?”

front door opening, he walked in, their house felt like heaven, vines tangled up, red-siding, metal thorns, bed in the backseat, jumbled memories, moving at a hundred miles an hour

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

could not tell who said what, wind roaring, ocean of blood rushing in ear, foot falls in mud, shade, overcast, too heavy, weight on his chest, butterflies bloom, anxiety and rest, all the rest, his body, throbbing like one large heart, burning red firebird, in love, throbbing broken bones, broken heart, crumbled up, paper with her number on it, in pocket, crunched up, hood up, head back, blood, passenger seat empty,

firebird, mourning dove, i just want to be with the one I—

“I just want to go home.”