SERPENT SCARED OF CHANGE

(CW: racist and misogynistic language)

SERPENT SCARED OF CHANGE

The white rays of the sun streamed through tall trees like long spears, the wind blew a gentle easterly breeze swaying branches like drunken women in choir practice. Walking deeper into the jungle I came upon a tree bristling with nice fruits. I stretched my hand to pluck one but I immediately pulled my hand back, shocked by a strange phenomenon.

“Hi there, I hope you will help me on this one,” there was a serpent swinging its cylindrical trunk into a sitting position on the very ranch I wanted to pluck a fruit. It had opened its red eyes wider, resembling an orange ball of fire in the setting sun.

“Mamaaa!” I screamed in fear, my legs were already racing away from the tree.

”Don’t run away, I am talking to you,” the serpent complained like an old woman facing abandonment.”Please come back here.”

“What is the problem, beautiful one?” I stopped running; my whole body was shaking like a leaf in a July whirlwind. Keeping the soul and flesh together was becoming a desperate struggle. Secretly I was glad that this sly venomous creature was facing some kind of trouble. That meant less slander going around and few injuries from its terrible fangs.

“There is a rumor going around about Eve,” the ancient reptile hissed, tossed out a forked tongue and meandered along a low lying branch for some comfort. It eyed me suspiciously but the glittering pupils showed that my compliments had hit the mark. Seeing no hint of violence, I climbed the tree to get a bit nearer as advised by the host.

“What about Eve?” I was instantly on guard, my fertile imagination sprung to life. “What has she done this time?”

“She goes around saying that she will definitely trick me in revenge,” the serpent said while airing itself by opening up the scales on the sides. The horrible skin covers stood in rows like a disc harrow.

“I don’t see why that should worry you,” I said disappointed at the naivety of this famous creature, “seeing that you already know what is coming somehow helps you prepare to deal with it.”

This time the serpent freaked out, spread its neck to look like a grey shovel, and glared at me with burning eyes, “you are a very stupid woman, hasn’t it occurred to you that I have already thought about that?”

“Than what is the problem?”I asked, genuinely puzzled by the stupid fears afflicting this creature which was famous for it's cunning. How did Eve get herself duped by such a clueless thing?

“I don’t know why I should be talking to a blockhead like you,” it hissed angrily, raising its tail two meters high and spreading its chest wide in surprise. I quickly scrambled down a branch thinking that I was under attack. I was wrong, it was using the tail to point at me, the way humans use a finger. “Eve was also warned about me, but tell me, didn’t I deceive her?”

“Yes, you deceived her, but Eve was too naïve,” I said while clambering back up the branch in shame. “She wasn’t as well-traveled as you are now.” The last sentence was an effort at placating the dangerous reptile.

“There is a lot that you don’t know,” the serpent said sadly. “Once a warning of this nature is given, the victim always falls.”

I now saw the logic. In certain matters, warnings are useless, the result is already fixed. Creatures are just pawns in the hands of the real unseen players. Strangely I felt a bit of sympathy for this venomous creature, popped up like a sitting duck. Its destiny was fixed. It was walking blindly into a deception similar to what it handed Eve eons ago. And there was no escape.

“What I was saying is this,” it was now hissing quietly, it's head drooping sadly like a withered flower, but still throwing a shower of spittle about with its forked tongue, “Eve will trick me into eating the fruit of change. I don’t want to change.”

“But isn’t that wonderful?” I exploded. “Eat the fruit and change into a better creature, not the horrible thing you are now.”

“Hey you,” wailed the serpent baring the forked tongue which looked like a two-pronged garden fork, “I don’t know what that stupid fruit will turn me into, that is why I am scared of this change, wouldn’t you be?”

“Oh imagine if it turned you into a woman,” wondering what type of a woman the round-faced creature would make, “yes that will be great, you are already exceedingly beautiful, aren’t you?”

Suddenly the serpent became quiet; it threw its eyes to the roof like someone in deep thought. Then it plucked fruit and started eating while meditating somberly, “I think you are right, I shouldn’t fear change especially if it turns me into a woman, a diva with blonde hair.”

And now the serpent was so pleased with me that it twisted its tail to give me a luscious-looking fruit. The tail coiled up like smoke curls bending towards me, bearing the fruit at the end. But on remembering what happened to Eve, I refused the offer out of hand.

“No, no I am fine,” I waved the tail away and instead took out some cookies and started cracking them. Who wants to be cheated with eyes wide open?

Disappointed, the serpent eyed me in a friendly manner before saying; “what if I changed into an American blonde, a new diva for Hollywood?” the dreamy eyes it was waving about disgusted me the most. It said the word diva like someone hanging on its fame in desperation. I regretted making the suggestion; it was beginning to stick like an original.

“But you don’t deserve to be an American woman,’ I said now with jealousy, desperately trying to discourage the serpent from scoring where I knew my hopes were nonexistent. How can this venomous thing strut around the streets of Hollywood when I am stuck here in an African forest with termites for breakfast?

“Why? What am I lacking?” it started strutting about with undulating curves imitating the Kim Kadarshian catwalk. Its head stood like a pole staring straight ahead, the back had stiffened like a steel beam just like a model on a red carpet… The bottom part just above the tail, which should have been the hip, was undulating from side to side with the tail itself acting like legs, hey watch it…what a mess?

In my mind, I was horrified seeing this gory video being replayed in reality. I was clapping feigning support, though deep down my heart was screaming for some intervention to prevent this sickening miracle from ever becoming real. Imagine the excitement I felt the next minute when without warning, the whole tree shook violently followed by a great crash on the ground below. The stupid serpent had fallen to the ground. Can you strut in a tree honestly?

My whole chest shook like a roaring volcano of laughter, one with real mirth, but I had to hold it with great effort in case that beast took offense, I didn’t fancy being its dinner. Looking at the dusted serpent, my chest felt like a boiling kettle with excitement. There is that feeling one gets when they see an enemy missing out on something great which they can’t get as well. “Serves the idiot right,” I winked to myself as I climbed down the tree to offer my faked condolences.

“Oh, I am so sorry,” I said, throwing myself to the ground two meters away like a dog welcoming its master while making polite noises. But the next words almost broke the Potomac banks; it should have given me away.

“Don’t worry about me,” it said, “I hope Eve comes fast, America is waiting for a new diva.”

“Look, with your record America may just be a roaring bushfire to consume you,” I tried to discourage this obsessed thing. Even after crashing like a log it still clung to the dream of entering the sacred streets of Hollywood, why? But life is funny; this disgusting reptile may just land a contract where those who deserve one are failing in droves. But that should be over my dead body, never…I declared.

“What record?”It waggled its eyes looking at me like someone who was already breathing the refreshing Los Angeles perfumes. The nose was stuck out high like some high-class lady in a busy street as it climbed back into the tree, to the same branch.

“Americans don’t like liars, see what they did to Richard Nixon,” I said ungraciously. “You can try to change into a Chinese woman, maybe.”

“Me? A Chinese woman, why?” the serpent shook violently.

“They are good at spinning tales and so are you,” I said now angry that my efforts were like spitting against the wind, getting me nowhere.

“I don’t spin tales,” the serpent looked pained. “If you are referring to Eve, she chose what she wanted and I just encouraged her choice. That is different from spinning tales, isn’t it?”

“What about an African woman?” I asked meekly still fighting to turn her away from Hollywood. “With your shape and record, you would make a perfect African woman.”

“What record do African women have?”

“They are good at gossiping, always thinking of sex and copying whatever they see with others,” I listed what to me was a dossier of an African woman. I had read it on Face book, posted by a certain racist.

“Now that is even worse,” the serpent hissed angrily. “What have I done to you to wish me to become that?”

“But that is where you fit,” I clung to my argument, never wishing to see this sly enemy at Hollywood. I had overplayed my hand.

“I hate that species of lazy people. Look at the way they open their legs for anything ….” the serpent said with emotion. “I don’t want those traits in my children.”

“But not all of them are like that…..”I was now frantic, I just had to do anything as long as this reptile didn’t end up in Hollywood. “Just become an African woman in the jungles of Congo.”

“But why don’t you want me in Hollywood?” the serpent looked at me. “Could it be that you are jealousy of my success?”

The question took me off guard, “Eeeee you see,” I tried to find a more appealing answer.

“Say it out; what do you have against Hollywood?”

“You see, Americans eat snakes, especially serpents.,” I threatened the serpent with my eyes wide open resembling some alarmed owl.

“Damn you!” the serpent hissed angrily with eyes glittering like brown water pools reflecting sunlight. Its fangs stood out with the sharp end pointing at me. “Get out of my home before I kill you. Useless woman.”

“It is you who called me here,” I said as my hands scratched the treacherous back of the tree. I was dropping to the ground which was just a meter below but looking like it could be further than Pluto.

I was already racing away when the serpent shouted behind me; “There is no fruit of change, I just wanted to cheat another stupid woman to put records straight.”

What does the serpent mean by setting records straight?