"What's wrong with you?"

“How long were you standing outside?” 

“I just got here!” 

“Come on in, let me take your coat.” 

“No, I won’t be here long!” 

“Would you like to sit down?” 

“No! Can we get to the reason I’m here, please?” 

“You look beautiful today! Did you do something different with your hair?” 

“I dyed it red last week. You clearly was with your other family. Did you have a good time with the wife?” 

“She’s not my wife; she’s the mother of my children. I wish you two would just sit down and have an adult conversation. We have children involved on both sides.” 

“We don’t have any children.” 

“I’m talking about FeFe and Chauncey. By the way, they both need to go to the vet next week. It’s your turn to take them.” 

“Oh my god! Chauncey got the dog down the street pregnant. We’re going to be grandparents.” 

“Where are you going? Why are you walking away from me?” 

“I’m tired of going through this with you. Every other day, there is something that she needs you to do. Doesn’t she have a man?” 

“Look at me, please! Yes, she has a man but those are my children. I won’t let another man raise my boys.” 

“I have always tried to be understanding when it comes to them. I love your boys, you know that. Sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed with the relationship you and her have.”  

“I know and I am sorry. I don’t want them to witness and animosity between the two of us, it’s not good for them. It’s not good for them to come over here and feel it either.” 

“That’s why I left.” 

“When are you coming back?” 

“I don’t’ know!” 

“Will you come home please. I have been going to therapy twice a month since you left. It's really helping me, I think.” 

“I’ve only been gone for two weeks.” 

“Well, it seems like forever.” 

“This is not funny!’ 

“I know it’s not! Why don’t we get married? We can elope tonight and be back by Monday. I love you and I know you love me too.” 

“Of course I do. I don’t want to get married, and you know I don’t want kids. Why are you putting me in this position? When I met you two years ago, you didn’t have any children. That’s the man I fell in love with, the one with no children attached to his hip. We move in together and then someone you slept with years ago pops up out the blue with not one but two of your offspring.” 

“Get your hand out of my face please!” 

“You’re standing to close.” 

“I don’t know what to say. I love you and I hate to think our relationship has to end because of my boys.  My momma said what kind of woman would leave a man for taking care of his children.” 

“I never liked your mother; she was always rude to me.” 

“And now I see why! I don’t think she liked you either. I wouldn’t be a man if I let this lead me when it comes to them. I understand that you have to do what you have to do but so do I. Just remember I bought half of the stuff in that room and all this furniture is mines. You will be the one that have to move out. I plan to turn your office into their bedroom. So, the sooner you can get your stuff out of there the better. You can take all that furniture even though I bought it. I have no use for it. I guess I could sell it.” 

“I didn’t know you could be such an asshole. So, you just gone put me out.” 

“No, you JUST decided to leave! I don't have time to play with you. You're making it very clear that you don’t want to be a part of this. When they come over you have an attitude if you stay home. When they have games, you don’t want to go. They have both celebrated their birthday this year and you weren’t even interested in purchasing them a gift. I want more children, and you obviously don’t want to be anyone's mother. I remember us having a different conversation about our future and I don’t recall you saying you didn’t want the same thing as me.” 

“We were drunk on our first few dates.  So, I don’t recall what we talked about. You see how I am with my nieces and nephews. Children make me itch and sneeze. Most people are allergic to pollen, I’m allergic to children.” 

“Do you need a bag to put your clothes in?” 

“I have to leave today?” 

“You still have your jacket on.” 

“Okay, I’ll take it off. Can I stay the night and get my stuff moved out tomorrow?” 

“You have to sleep on the couch.” 

“What the fuck? Why would I do that?” 

“Because I said so. That’s my bed.”  

“Come on now, you're doing a little too much.” 

“Don’t touch me please! I don’t know where you’ve been for the past few days.” 

“Why are you acting like you didn’t miss me? I know you missed me.” 

“I did. I think I said that when you first got here. Don’t try to seduce me now. It doesn’t work that way. I am going to miss lying next to you at night.” 

“We can spend this night together. We can order a pizza or some Chinese food and just hang out.” 

“Hang out?” 

“Yes, hang out. You smell so good to me right now.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’ll only make things worse in the morning. I can’t just turn off my love button like you obviously can. I can’t just sleep with you tonight and you leave in the morning. I matter and I have feelings. I have never in my adult male life had a one-night stand and I won’t start now. You know where the blankets are. Good night!” 

“Don’t you dare slam that door in my face! VICTOR, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”