Crybaby

Euden felt a lump form in his throat as he stared at the large rusted steel door in front of him. He was barely eleven years old when he last saw it. Beaten and caged like an animal, he had vowed not to come back here; but fate always liked to watch him writhe. Pressing his palm onto the cold steel he pushed the door open with a loud screech.

He was instantly greeted by the scent of rot and decay mixed with the smell of blood and urine. A scent that he had grown familiar with years ago. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could feel his pulse quicken, cold sweat forming on his brow, his gloved right hand trembling as it impulsively tried to grasp onto something.

He wasn’t scared, he shouldn’t be. He was a man now. A man who has twenty-nine years of experience under his belt. A man who has saved more than a hundred lives in his profession. Still, to be brought back to a place he never wanted to come back to. He felt like he was eleven years old again. Cowering in a cage, cold, bruised, covered in his own filth.

“Euden?” The woman behind him said, placing a hand on his shoulders making his eyes flutter open. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine Rayne.” He offered her his most reassuring smile. “Just a bit nauseous.” She smiled back.

Moving her hand away, Euden took a step into the darkness. His hand instantly finding the light switch on the wall beside him, illuminating the room.

The room itself was expansive, with seats arranged in a funnel like fashion as it descended into the center where a solitary spot light shone on a stack of cages. Euden frowned. Even after all these years they still haven’t cleaned up this gruesome place. Descending towards the center, Euden stopped just in front of the cages. He could hear Rayne retching just a few steps behind him. The sound of her heels clacking with each hurried step as she found a secluded corner to puke on. Any normal person would have had the same reaction, the stench was so bad that it could burn nose hairs if it could. But Euden merely wrinkled his nose.

Though the cages had turned brown with rust there were dark patches in its interior. The witnesses that could tell the dark story of what had transpired here years ago.

Pulling off his leather glove, he touched the rusted steel cages and was instantly brought back to his childhood. He recalled the day they were both plucked out from the street. Just two kids trying to live one day after the other. He cringed on how easy prey they were back then. Swayed by promises of food, shelter, and everything they could ask for. They should have known that it was too good to be true.

They were promised Eden but what they got was a hellish inferno. Stripped, beaten, and tortured. All on the same day. They were passed around like toys from one spoiled child to another. Sold to the highest bidder to be used as they see fit then thrown aside when they were done.

They endured hell every single day but he could always hear his brother’s voice reassuring him before they went to bed. It’s going to be alright. We’re going to find a way out soon. Everyday he would whisper these words to him like a prayer. He wasn’t sure if his brother was saying that to comfort him or if he was saying it to himself, something he will never find out.

He can clearly remember the day the old man bought them. How his greedy eyes looked as he scanned them both like a pair of merchandise. How menacing he looked with his bald head and beady eyes. How he grabbed unto them both and that no matter how hard they tried they couldn’t break his death-grip. How he caged them with other kids like animals in this very facility. Gawked at by people who share his sick twisted tastes. It was like a zoo or a circus, and the kids were the attractions.

The cage that Euden was locked in looked more like an iron box that only had bars on one side, the same thing could be said with his brother’s. Though their situation was worse than before however, his brother had never failed to utter his words every night before they fell asleep, their hands together through the spaces in the bars. It’s going to be alright. We’re going to find a way out soon.

It sounded funny though, now that he thought about it. As the older one he should have been the one comforting his brother, the one who should have stepped up to be the dependable sibling, the one who should have shown fortitude. But it was his little brother who had done that. The one who constantly reassures him no matter what horrors they experienced that day, the one who never shed a single tear as far as he knew. He hated himself for years for being so pathetic. To have been so weak back then. To have been a big crybaby.

The promised day wasn’t far along after that though. They were still asleep with their hands together like they always did when the sound of the door slamming open woke him. How the sounds of dozens of boots stomping around seem to rattle the very earth. How flashlights were flashed right in front of their faces, how it felt like they were looking directly at the sun.

He remembered how he felt happiness flood his frail body, that even though he knew how weak he was he still wanted to get up on his feet. How his throat felt so sore and dry but still he tried to call out his brother’s name. How he squeezed his brother’s hand with every ounce of strength he had.

Eugene…

Eugene..

“Eugene…” Euden caught his breath hitching in his throat as a tremor rattled his entire body. Rubbing his eyes, he turned towards Rayne who looked green as a pea.

”I'm sorry. I can't.” He whispered as he passed her, striding over two stairs at a time. He wanted to leave that place, to disappear and get as far away as possible. Slamming the car door close, he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath like what his therapist had taught him. Breath in through the nose then breath out as if you’re blowing a candle. It was supposed to calm him down but it did no such thing. He was still shaking, his right hand gyrating like crazy. Clenching it into a fist, he held it tightly to his chest.

He could hear Rayne getting into the driver’s seat beside him, her eyes scanning him from head to toe.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded.

“If you need your medication I can-”

”It’s alright… Just… Don’t touch me… Don’t…” He whispered, shaking his head like a madman while rocking himself back and forth in his seat.

“You know this is necessary right? You need to do this if you want to get better.”

“I know… I know…” He puffed. “It’s just… I can still feel it… I can still feel his hand on mine…”

He chanced a glance at Rayne and found her staring at him, her eyes glistening with worry. He let out a long ragged breath.

“He died in my hands Rayne… He literally died in my hands. I should have done something. I should have tried to do something. I'm a doctor for crying out loud. I could have done something to save him.” He sobbed as he started to unravel. The deep steadying breaths that he was doing turning into horrible sobs.

“Hey look at me.” Rayne hissed. “You couldn’t have done anything. You were eleven years old alright? You weren't a doctor then. You were locked in a steel cage. You couldn’t have done anything to save him Euden.”

“But I should have tried. I should have done something! Anything!” He cried out.

Rayne took a deep breath and leaned back on her seat defeated, shaking hear head.

“I think this is enough for today.” She admitted. Handing him back his glove which he quickly pulled over his hand. Firing up the engine, Rayne glanced at the sobbing mess beside her and sighed. His recovery was going to be an arduous task for the both of them.