I feel alive

I Feel alive

It had got to be one of the most frightening experiences any individual can encounter. Been wired up and then carefully lifted into an ambulance. Only to hurtle through the streets with the blues and two’s flashing. Exciting it really was not, Terrifying and scary yes. A few short minutes later Betty was been wired up and had a constant

stream of doctors and nurses for company. Betty really could not understand the fuss, she had fainted in the street that was all. Now she was been examined by a doctor who should still be in school. He looked at her then at his notes, followed by an mmm. He sat down next to her, well it seems by all the tests we have done that you have had a heart attack. Now I know this sounds scary, but I can assure you that you are in the best place. Let’s hope that in a few days we can have you back on your feet. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable and don’t worry. Just leave that to us. His manner and easy going personality set Betty at ease. Although the words heart attack took a lot of understanding. Surely, they had got it wrong. Yes she had been a bit breathless and swimming was starting to prove a chore. But she was 74 surely it was to be expected. Betty had always hated taking tablets all based on taking a couple of her dad’s indigestion tablets when she was a kid. Suddenly it seemed life was a constant stream of tests and tablets. Betty had never suffered the indignation of being prodded and poked like this.

Her blooming arms looked like a pin cushion. But after 3 long weeks they decided it was safe for Betty to go home. Given a strict message about taking life easier and remembering her medication she was on her way home. In truth it had not been daunting as it seemed. The nurses were lovely and she had even made a couple of new friends. So on the whole apart from the food and the obsession with tablets she was grateful for all their help.

Betty stood looking in the mirror a broad grin spread across her face. The heart operation had set her back months it was the confidence and fear of returning to normal

But today she felt alive. The sun was shining the birds were singing and people were out enjoying themselves. And why shouldn’t they Betty was now aware just how much life was for the living. And the icing on the cake for Betty was tomorrow at long last her dog Chopper was coming home. It had been far to long, but at last they could play ball in the park again. One final check in the mirror then shoes and coat on she was ready to go. She smiled as she noticed herself walking to the bus stop unaided no ten yard stops or shortage of breath. That surgeon was a wonderful man! Settling into her seat on the number six Betty drank it all in, it was almost like the first time and she intended enjoying every second. A cup of tea was needed as she sat people watching. There was something about creating special lives for ordinary people that Betty really enjoyed. Given her recent experiences it gave her so much more scope. Betty allowed herself a smile as she realised the shackles were off and she could be the person she loved. She had paid her duty now she could flourish. Tea finished Betty walked along the prom destroying an ice cream with real gusto. The sea air, the sound of the waves crashing and the beautiful blue sea. Such wonderful childhood memories, Betty had never realised how much she still missed her parents. The taste of her mother’s roast beef and Yorkshire’s was something Betty could still taste now, nothing ever matched up. With her father it was the smell of his beloved pipe and his passion for singing along with the radio. Really happy times Where had Betty gone wrong! she asked herself?

As Betty drifted along with her thoughts her mind turned to the exercise rehabilitation classes, she was due to start on Monday. Really not her kind of thing at all but the doctor had been very insistent that it was an important step on the road to recovery. So with a sorry heart Betty invested in the clothing she would need, all them sweaty panting bodies how could that be beneficial?. Having done that she made her way to Marks and Spencer’s she fancied something nice for tea it was one of the many advantages of living by herself. She could do what she wanted when she wanted. No need to spend hours cooking for someone who would be fast asleep in the chair within half an hour. Where was the point in that? No her and chopper the dog managed quite nicely thank you. Anyway Chopper hated strangers and was not slow in telling them.

Betty did not realise how hungry she had become. Still at least it was a one- horse race. Fish and chips from Coopers every time. Followed by a slice of cake and a large cup of tea. She sat down at her usual table and was served by her usual waitress. Nothing had changed. Betty was a creature of habit she would be the first to admit that. Also in truth a bit OCD, everything in its place then you knew where to look, it really was not hard. She was glad to find the Fish and chips were just as good as ever, the only slight disappointment was the fact they had invested in a new tea service. She hated change there was nothing wrong with the old one why change it. It’s all this new electric world. Why would she want to pay for her shopping by shining a light and then having to remember her pin number. For heavens sake just use cash. Still do not get her started on that old chestnut you could be hear all day listening to her rant. Betty let her lunch settle while drinking a second cup of tea. When the bill came she was presented with a card machine. Take that away she growled in her soft Irish accent, here take this twenty pound note and be grateful with people like me around you still have a job. Just as Betty was about to start a rant, her mobile phone pinged. It was Tony her rehab fitness instructor confirming days and venues he also wanted to see her discharge letter. But then Betty knew all this, bloody mobile phones gave people the right to infringe on your privacy. She said this as she carefully put hers back in its case and dropped it in her bag. The afternoon was spent by Betty sat on a bench people watching and enjoying the sun. The train ride home was uneventful it was not until Betty got home she realised just how tired she was. The only sad point in the day was a message telling Betty that Mrs Cooper who had been in hospital with Betty had unfortunately died. She sighed any talk of illness was largely a taboo subject in Betty’s home. It stopped her thinking and remembering. Betty had not realised how much her day out had taken out of her. All that fresh sea air, and those fish and chips had given her indigestion. Still an early night then she would be all ready for chopper’s return, another step towards normality she beamed. She could feel another migraine coming on, they had only started in the last couple of years but were the bane of poor Bettys life.

Sunday came and it was another lovely day. For the first time she could remember Betty felt like a long lie in. Her own bed and feeling of freedom and security it gave were something she had only discovered since hospital. It was Betty’s own space. Suddenly she remembered it was not all about her she sat up in bed and yelled as loud as she could Chopper’s coming home. Betty was up and dressed in ten minutes she was soon sat looking out of the window. Her son had promised to be there by two, it was ten past. That was him all over unreliable. Betty had made a real effort for her friend. His bed and his favourite teddy were washed and she had got something special for his tea. She had even invested in a new collar and lead. Then she saw her sons car and chopper running excitedly up the path. Betty rushed to the door and opened it as fast as it would allow. Chopper rushed straight in to find his bed and favourite toy. He was home again at last. He had hated been away they had made him sleep downstairs and everything. Bettys son Colin made some excuse about picking the kids up and was away. They had little time for each other, Betty could not remember the last time she had seen the granddaughters. It was sad and very wrong but she had got her hTruth be told she was a meal ticket. Or so they thought they had not seen her will. Chopper was examining every room he was glad to find everything was as it should be. Next stop was the garden, it was as if Betty was waiting by the back door. Within a few seconds Bettys pride and joy was chasing birds and telling off next doors cat. How dare that scruffy animal sit on his fence. Betty just sat on the bench and watched; she was the happiest she had been in a long time. Now all she needed was her late husband Ralph and things would be back to normal. It was hard to believe it was four years and twenty-two days since the accident. She still remembered every little detail; he had gone to work in the car because he was running late. Why oh why could he not have walked as usual. Why drive a car that was waiting for it’s MOT. And why had Betty never told Ralph she hated bloody lilies. Betty drifted off to sleep in the late summer sun, she awoke half an hour later to find Chopper curled up next to her snoring. Nothing had changed Betty smiled. Betty realised it was time for a sandwich but as she tried to stand she went light headed. It was nothing just sit back down and let your head settle she told herself. Sure enough it worked although Betty chose to ignore the way she could not focus properly. She blamed all those tablets they had forced down her in hospital.

Monday was the day Betty was dreading. Her first fitness class. As she stepped into the hall with all its bars and weights, she knew she had been right all along. Should she turn around and go straight home. No she never had and never would be a quitter. Having had the indignity of being weighed and then told she had put on half a stone they proceeded to take her blood pressure and heart rate. To be honest the fitness class was not so bad. Everything was done at your pace and clearly explained to you. It could be quite tough and Betty stopped a couple of times but this did not seem unusual. Having listened to them prattle on about healthy diets etc it was time for Betty to escape. Betty’s heart rate was slightly high so she left with two new bottles of pills. Walking home Betty found it a real struggle that’s why she hated exercise you felt worse than when you started. She found a bench and gratefully finished the last of her water. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out some mints. She had a blooming awful taste in her mouth. To her shock she must have dozed off only to be woken by a police officer asking if she was o.k. Yeah, I am fine she reassured him, nothing a large gin would not sort young man she said winking at him. Betty had genuinely made up her mind this was what was needed a large gin and a fag. She was excited merely at the thought. She could almost taste the nectar already. Getting home she got changed, it was another lovely day so some peace and quiet, sunshine and her two favourite escapes what could be better. She tutted as she remembered washing her gin glass. Such a high shelf sometimes, she managed and was sat in the garden with a glass and a fag before you could blink an eye. She was aware that the legs and arms were very sore, she had told them a fitness class was not her thing. She would cancel next week, let someone else have the pleasure. Fancying a cuppa she remembered she had no milk. No problem the shop was only two minutes round the corner. Picking up her purse she was there in no time. But the strangest thing happened she forgot what she had gone for. She had to sit down for a good ten minutes before it came to her. So she sighed this was what old age was like. Sod that she would fight with every bit of strength. Problem was today she felt like that every ounce of strength had deserted her. Still the packet of jammy dodgers she had treated herself to would soon have her on her feet. She loved sugar, Diabetes what the hell were they trying to say. Live for today that was her promise to herself, never hurt her mum and dad. Sadly her thoughts turned to her sister, so young and so much to offer. But she had gone to bed one night and that was it, A heart defect they said why did it take so long to find it. All them weekly check-ups they must have realised something. Betty had failed to mention this when the doctor asked, why bother her heart was fine, said the lady with tubes coming out of all her body. Betty needed another sit down it had been a long day. As Chopper and Betty settled down, she was asleep in seconds, unaware of the increased chest pain and the difficulty breathing. Sadly, Betty never woke up. Her health caught up with this strong determined likeable lady. As the doctor said as he checked the house, why was there a month’s prescriptions unopened. And surely, she had read all the appointment letters. There would have been no problem if she had followed the guide lines. So sad.