The elephant with no water

5:00 a.m...alarm goes off. Not a cool alarm as in the iphone options, (wind chimes or a piano riff) rather the annoying loud "reh reh reh" sound that makes you want to through the alarm against the wall. I roll over to attempt to get my obnoxious belly situated to turn off the alarm in a calm and mannerly fashion and without waking everyone up. Relief, the annoying sound is gone but still echoing in my ears as if as a reminder that I am only gonna miss that stsound when I wont need to use it anymore. Ya know like when I am 80 years old and have the natural early bird sorta spidey senses. Slowly moving to the kitchen, same routiine-decaf ginger and turmeric tea, go sit on the lanai, plan my day in my head then go for a swim to get my body moving. Except when heading to the sliding glass doors, they were all fogged up. I checked the thermostat and then went back towards the lanai. I opened the doors slowly. BAM! Hit with the weirdest gross smell off dew and feces mixed with humidity. I immediately started to sweat, now being 8 1/2 months pregnant in August in southwest Florida-yeah that happens. But not like this, It was as if I couldn't breathe. I put down my hot tea and jumped right into the pool. The water was so warm that it felt like a steamy bath. Ugh, no relief. Still attempted to do some morning laps, with no success. I got out-I didn't even have to dry off. I went back into the house wet from the moisture in the air and into the air conditioned kitchen. Still no relief. Opened the freezer and just stood there In my maternity bathing suit-yeah super sexy, and continued to drip onto the rug. "What are you doing?" "Jesus Joe you scared the shit out of me!, take a little walk out to the lanai and then you ask me that question again, Coolio?" Joe walked outside in his boxers with a look as if I was just having a pregnancy moment. A few minutes go bye, as I am literally putting my head in the sink to drink water from my trough, Joe comes back into the kitchen and heads right for the fridge. Opens the freezer and the fridge and just stands there. He turns with a red face and soaking up his sweat with the kitchen towel. "like I said, what are you doing?" We both laugh. Immediately we both had the look of panic and ran into the kids bedrooms to check on them. All three are sweating in their beds. Before waking them I filled up the tub with cool water. Slowly wake them up as if it was a normal hot day in the summer in Florida. I peel their pajamas off of them and just threw them on the floor. I stuck all three of them in the nice cool tub. They of course did not suspect anything out of the ordinary. We still had bubbles and bath toys. Got to sing songs and color on the walls with their new washable paints. Joe comes in after checking the news, "well, we are in an extreme heat advisory. Elderly and young children are to stay indoors, they didn't mention anything about pregnancy so I guess you are still cutting the grass!" "ha ha very funny, I guess we are not doing our normal breakfast-looks like nice cold milk and cereal" I asked Joe finish up with the kids so I can take of the bathing suit that has now become a part of my body. Usually I put on my robe to finish with the morning tasks. NOT TODAY! I found an old silky lingerie short nightgown. Yes it looked ridiculous with my pregnant belly and my butt hanging out. I pulled my hair up to get that stringy wet spaghetti feeling off of my back and shoulders. Come back into the kids bathroom. Joe looks at me and starts laughing in a manor that the kids started laughing. They didn't know what they were laughing at-just that daddy was laughing. "yeah yeah, mommy is soooooooo funny!" "C'mon let's get dried off and into your bathing suits" the kids looked at me funny, as if wait what? we are getting out of the tub and into our bathing suits? Breakfast begins with all three ready to tackle the pool. They have no idea what it is like on the outside walls. Joe disappears into the garage, I am wondering what he is doing. I come out and he is taking all the ice bags that we kept in our freezer from Hurricane prep. "Now, what are you doing dyngus" he turns and looks at me "we are having a pool party" I joined in his enthusiasm as to how to stay cool on this sweltering hot day. Packed up the coolers with water and juice and fresh fruit. "Mommy, when can we get in the pool" "I'm coming right now-let's go!" Swimmies go on, swim diapers go on, and into the pool. If you are asking yourself if I went into the pool with my lingerie on-the answer is yes. While getting the torpedoes so they can practice underwater swimming and holding their breathe I turned as if it was in slow motion. Ice bags are being thrown into the deep end of the pool! Then in comes daddy with a cold beer in his hand-eh can't blame him, I probably woulda done the same thing if I didn't have a human being in my belly. We played and swam, did contests and of course laughed a lot. The relief lasted until we were all so pruny that we were forced to get out of the pool. Immediately It hit. It was like running inside from the lightening. Bathing suits off, diapers off and it was naked time! I had remembered that I bought a brand new Costco sized lavender baby powder. One by one I dowsed them in it. They could have made snow angels with the amount of baby powder flying around in the great room. Diapers on and undies for my oldest. Then it seemed as if lunch was served and it was nap time already. Pulled out the extra fans and made them somewhat of a fort on the living room floor. Pillows and stuffes everywhere connected to the sofas to make a giant nice cool area for the afternoon nap. The kids rooms faced the sun, so it was brutally hot in there with no air movement. Lullabies on and ceiling star lights. Relieved that they were able to fall asleep. Baby monitor on my hip and yes still wearing the lingerie. I went back to the kitchen I opened the refrigerator door and freezer. In walks Joe and we just stood there, taking in the cool air, putting ice packs on our necks. We stood at a distance so that we were not touching each others sticky wet skin. I went over to the sink to run the cold water to again drink down as much cold water as possible. No glass, no water bottle-straight from the sink. "ya know that saying about how you can lead a horse to water?" he said. "yeah?" as I am basically water boarding myself.

"well I don't have one for an elephant!"