Every Life After That

I didn’t shed a tear when the flatline replaced the sound of Roslyn’s beating heart. I didn’t break down, I didn’t fall on my knees. I simply stared right at her, her shut eyelids covering her amber-colored eyes, eyes that I always just labeled golden. I didn’t let go of her hand, and its loosened grip on mine, as I sat there, staring. 

The world gave me Roslyn at a time I didn’t know I needed Roslyn. It was in the midst of fall almost a year ago. I was sitting on my favorite bench in my favorite park, writing in my favorite journal, with brown leather covering and a compass engraved on the front. I wrote of the world from my own point of view. I found the world to be very beautiful when all modern problems are set aside. In the way the leaves turned autumn, and floated gracefully onto the ground like feathers. In the way the birds sounded, and the last bits of warm breezes in my hair that slipped through the chillier ones.

I closed my eyes and took a breath, and felt a gust of wind beside me. It blew the leaves across my face, covering my face. I laughed to myself as I brushed the leaves off of me, and revealed to myself a girl across the way. She was sitting on the bench just right across the path through the park. Brunette wavy hair, her porcelain skin, rose cheeks, and the most stunning, amber-golden eyes I’ve ever seen. She was wearing a tan trench coat, and black leather high heel boots. I froze in my seat as I stared in awe. She was how I saw the world…she was beautiful.

To this day, I have absolutely no idea how long I was staring, but it was long enough for her to notice me doing so. She leaned forward and tilted her head slightly to her right, squinting her eyes a little bit. She then took her hand and waved it like how one does to check if someone is conscious. A little smile arched from her mouth. I snapped back to reality after being in my little dream state. I rubbed my eyes and quickly buried my face back into my journal and started scribbling nonsense. Slowly, the sound of footsteps started to approach me, and I cringed at myself. I looked up. 

“Hi,” she said.

Of course her voice was just as beautiful as she was. How smooth it was, but also raspy at the same time, her tone was captivating.

“Oh, hello,” I mumbled softly.

She smiled, “You know you got quite a staring thing going on there.”

I felt my face turn red, as I burst into a flame of apologies. 

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I was just zoning out and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, that wasn’t any of my intention I am so sorry.”

She laughed, “Calm down, I wasn’t coming over to scold you. I came to compliment your journal, the design is pretty cool. Where’d you get it?”

I released the tension of my shoulders, “It was a going away gift from my mom before I moved out. I don’t really know where she got it though.”

I stood up. I was only a head taller than she was, as her head was in line with my chest. She stuck out her right hand, and I stuck out my left. We shook hands, her grip soft and comforting. 

“I’m Roslyn.”

“I’m Jace.”

“Well Jace, maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” smiled Roslyn, as she walked back to her bench to pick up her brown leather purse. 

She waved goodbye, and started walking away. In the way that Roslyn was, she was perfect for the season. Everything about her could remind someone of autumn, almost like autumn made her itself. Almost like the embodiment of autumn was put right in front of my face, and now she was walking away. I snatched my bag and paced over to her. 

“Hey,” I said as I lightly tapped her shoulder, “I uh, well I just wanted to tell you-”

I regathered myself, “I was about to go get my cup of coffee for the day, would you like to come with me?”

She smiled, and my eyes grew wide.

“Obviously if you don’t want to that’s completely fine I just figured I should throw it out there-”

“Yes, I’d be happy to join you.” playfully nudging me with her shoulder, “Jace.” 

I smirked to myself, nodded my head, and started walking down the road, with her beside me. I felt my heart in my chest, in the way that it was knocking on my sternum, almost like it was aching to just reach out and have at least the slightest touch of her. It was a feeling that I have only ever read about in fairytale stories, when the prince gets that first glance, or when the groom sees his soon to be forever in that angelic white wedding dress. I was getting ahead of myself. 

Roslyn turned her head, “so where is this coffee place you go to every day? If you get it every day it must be pretty good.”

“It’s called Melodies,” I replied.

“Never heard of it before.”

“Yeah, it’s small, but cozy, and there is live music every now and then.”

She seemed to like the thought of that. Obviously, I did too, but I never really brought anyone with me before. Melodies was my place other than the park, just somewhere I could go to sit and write. The music made my mind flow freely and unrestricted, it was perfect for writing. I didn’t realize it then but bringing her there was a big deal. I usually like my alone time, especially when I am trying to write. I still wanted to have my alone time, but I wanted to be alone with her. 

We arrived at Melodies and I guided her to my favorite table, right by the big glass window that presented the scenery of the park that you could still see in the distance. It was a peaceful sight no matter the season. In the summer, the sun isn’t too bright, but isn’t too dim. In the spring you can see flowers beginning to bloom. In the winter the snow falls perfectly in front of your eyes as it covers the world in a glittery white blanket. Then the fall, when the orange, brown, and red leaves make their way to the ground. I called it upon myself to name it the first time that I came into this little cafe. I named it the View of Time, or VOT. The VOT was the first thing that caught Roslyn’s sight as she turned her head out the window.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” I asked her.

“I can see why you like this table,” she said, turning her head back to me. 

“Yeah, I mean, it really is beautiful, and we came at a good time, the sun is setting soon.”

She raised an eyebrow, “I mean, I’m a sucker for sunsets, but what makes this one so special?”

I started blabbing, “well what is really cool about this one is that from where we are sitting right now, the sun sets perfectly on the path right in between the trees, it almost looks like the sun is just ducking right under the road.” 

She smiled, and I blushed.

“Ha, sorry,” I apologized.

“No, no, it’s cute,” she reassured me.

She watched in awe as the sun finally dipped under the horizon. I’ve seen this sunset hundreds of times for years now, it was always one of my favorite parts of the day. It made the end of my days very storybook. This time I wasn’t watching the sunset, instead, I watched her. The sun glared on her porcelain skin, lighting up her face, and reflecting off of her eyes, those golden eyes, and that golden sun. 

It soon became nighttime, and Roslyn and I started talking away, sharing stories, most embarrassing moments, likes, dislikes. Her laughter filled the cafeteria, and I could feel the soreness on my face from smiling. Sooner than later the place started to empty out, and Melodies began to close up. We were the last ones there..

“Alright lady and gentlemen by the window,” laughed the performer, “this will be the last song of the night.”

She started strumming on her guitar, it was one of my favorite songs. My eyes lit up, and a smile let loose from my face. Roslyn stood up from her chair.

“Can I have this dance sire?” she asked, reaching out her hand. 

I laughed a little, “of course milady.” 

I reached out my hand and stood up. I wrapped my right arm behind her waist and looked at her.  

“Is this okay?”

She looked up at me with her eyes and nodded yes. My left arm slowly made its way behind her waist. Her arms rested on my shoulders, and she clasped her fingers behind my neck. She rested her head on my chest, her right ear pressed to my heartbeat. I could hear my heart as it kept beating away. Roslyn, Roslyn, Roslyn. 

That moment was the first of many. We didn’t stop at that one evening, we went out again…and again…and again. I couldn’t get enough of her, and she couldn’t get enough of me. There was this mutual understanding between us. It was the understanding that we would be there for each other, the understanding that things would turn out okay. I’d been given the world, and I did not want to risk losing that, losing her.

Months later, in the beginning of October. I was sitting in my apartment, writing away in my journal. It was now filled with stories of Roslyn and I, all the moments we had, all the dates we went on, and intimate moments that will forever be unforgettable. I smiled as the sound of my pencil on the journal’s paper traveled to my ears. I wrote about Roslyn, as I’ve been doing the past few months, and how I felt about her.

I’m forever grateful that I’ve been given the chance to be yours. From the moment I first laid eyes on you I couldn’t help myself but fall. Roslyn, you are the reason I take that first breath when I wake up in the morning, and the bigger reason that I continue to take more. I’ve found you in this life, and I know for sure that I could find you in the next one, and every single one after that. 

My phone rang. I closed my journal and reached over. On the screen there was a phone number that I did not recognize. Giving into my curiosity I answered it. 

It was a man’s voice.

“Hello, is this Jace Allen?” The voice asked. 

I responded confused, “Yeah? Who is this?”

“This is Chief Sten, I’m with the fire department. Do you know Roslyn Beau?” Chief Sten asked. 

“Yeah, she’s my girlfriend,” I answered, starting to get worried.

I heard a deep breath over the phone.

“Roslyn’s been involved in a car accident, it happened ten minutes ago. The first thing she told me was to call you. She is on her way to Oak Hospital right now.”

I hung up the phone, sprinted down the stairs, and ran out the door. I couldn’t feel my legs underneath me but they just kept going. I ran down the street, cars honked at me after barely running me over. I passed through the park, ran past those two benches. I could see the hospital through my unfocused vision. 

I burst through the doors, going straight to the front desk. 

“Roslyn Beau,” I said to the woman. 

“Hold on sir, I need you to fill out paperwork first,” she slid a clipboard to me.

“No! I need to see Roslyn Beau!” I screamed in frustration. 

I turned my head to the sound of the doors opening again and there she was, barely conscious on the stretcher that the paramedics were rolling her on. Cuts covered her arms, and blood dripped down from her forehead down her left cheek. She had an oxygen mask on her. I ran over to her.

“Hey, hey, I’m here, I’m here,” I said. 

I grabbed her hand, and I felt the little strength she had left hold onto mine. I walked beside the stretcher, barely being able to catch my breath, my heart feeling like it was going to explode. I stayed by her the entire time down the hallways, but everything was a blur. I couldn’t focus on anything else, I was completely unaware of my surroundings. 

The paramedics rolled her into the ER and put her on a table, and very quickly hooked her up to the EKG and got her an IV. I watched as all the doctors and nurses were scurrying around. I kept trying to look over everyone’s shoulders to see Roslyn. Her face was covered in blood, and I saw tears swell in her eyes. 

“Is she going to be okay?” I asked. 

Nobody answered, and kept moving around.

I asked louder, “is she going to be okay!?”

Still didn’t get an answer. The room grew more tense as I watched heads turn to the EKG.

“Somebody tell me what’s happening!” I yelled. 

“Janice, we’re losing her,” one of the doctors said. 

A nurse walked past me, holding the defibrillator. My eyes widened in horror as she gave them to the doctor. I couldn’t feel my heart, I couldn’t feel anything. The doctor rubbed the pads together.

“Clear!” he shouted. 

Nothing happened. He rubbed them together again.

“Clear!”

Still nothing. 

“Somebody do something please!” I yelled. 

He rubbed the pads together one last time.

“Clear!”

Everything stopped. I froze, hearing nothing else but a high-pitched ringing in my ears. I blocked out everyone else in the room. It was just us. I walked right up to the table, and I sat down beside it. There was a singular tear that rolled down the right side of her cheek. I grabbed her hand, but I couldn’t feel her anymore.

A week passed, and I was sitting in Melodies, staring at my journal as it was flat on the table, unopened. I haven’t opened it since the day Roslyn died, rather just carried it around with me. I just couldn’t, there were too many memories and moments that I wrote that I was not ready to face. But I missed her dearly. I knew that I had one page left that I could write in. I picked up the journal and opened it, reading through all the moments Roslyn and I shared. I grabbed a pencil from my bag and flipped to that last page. 

There was already writing in it. 

Jace, 

I have no idea when you’re ever going to find this but I hope you enjoy it! I wanted to write to you and say that you are absolutely amazing. From that day in the park I had a feeling about you, I had the feeling that you were going to change my life forever, and I was right about that. You always know how to make me smile, and brighten up the darkest of my days. I got really lucky with you. You are the part of me I didn’t know that I needed, to know you is a privilege, but to be yours is a gift. My life became brighter the second you walked in it. You are the light at the end of my tunnel that keeps me going. You found me when I didn’t know I wanted to be found. Billions of people in this world and you found me! Thank you for everything you are Jace, and honestly, thank you for giving life more meaning. In every lifetime, I am yours, you just need to find me. If you found me in this life, you can find me in any life.

Yours forever,

Roslyn