Money

Money. Something that Jake craved, yet never had much of. His mundane occupation of typing up reports or creating presentations in a dull office did not reap endless wealth. It was a low-paying, entrance-level job that edged him to his limits, for he did not know how much longer he could tolerate this gruesome labour.

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness has never truly possessed immense wealth,’ Jake thought. “I’d give up anything for instant money.” He stared at his computer screen and sighed. Pushing his unrealistic ideas out of his mind, Jake dove back into punching keys on the keyboard. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap.

The Logitech keyboard began to quiver. Jake lifted his fingers from the keys and froze in shock as it continued to shudder, getting more violent by every passing second. That is, until it exploded.

His keyboard disintegrated, and what replaced it was a brand-new five dollar bill. The sheet of cash gleamed, reflecting the ceiling lights into Jake’s eyes.

“No way,’ Jake muttered. He carefully picked the bill up and examined it. It looked real, but he knew it was not physically possible. His mental gears began to turn. The importance of this anomaly was figuring out how to reproduce the miracle, not debating whether it fitted the world’s rules.

Folding the green paper into his wallet, Jake sauntered into the cubicle across his. He glanced around the office. Nobody was present. It was a Friday evening, and all his colleagues were eager to reunite with their family as soon as they could. Jake stayed behind to finalise a thirty-page report due tomorrow. Now, he was staying behind to create more money out of thin air.

Jake reached down and touched another Logitech keyboard with a finger. Just like the previous, it vibrated on the spot for a few moments and transformed into a dollar bill.

“Money!” Jake was elated. He pranced around the office, making contact with every keyboard he could lay his hands on. Bill after bill entered his pockets, but he was not satisfied. “Is this power limited to keyboards? What else can I exploit?” As he pondered, he subconsciously laid a hand on the top of the nearest cubicle. The polycarbonate walls of the cubicle shook, knocking over a table lamp and an Asus monitor. The detonation was much greater than that of the keyboards, with a force enough to shatter an adjacent table and everything that rested above it.

In the place of the cubicle was…dozens of ten-dollar bills, floating around like dust trying to settle.

“I’m rich!” Jake cried. Ignoring the mess, he wasted no time converting every item into money. Chairs, desks, clear folders, computers, and even the ceiling fans that annoyingly made more sound than breeze. He had never experienced such power, such a sense of invincibility. The world was beneath him. He, was the king of all kings, god of all gods.

“I need to transport this wealth home,” Jake said to himself after feeling more sober. He grabbed his leather suitcase and emptied its contents. Fortunately or unfortunately, the suitcase also morphed into money, and he lost grip of the now-vanished suitcase handle.

There had got to be a solution around this. After all, he discovered the best power wieldable by any entity. Apparently, the clothes that he wore were resistant to his Midas touch. He cradled the hundreds of dollar bills in his chest, careful not to let any slip out of his grasp. A thought entered his mind. Freeing a hand, he dug inside his jacket pocket and fished out a pair of gloves. Even upon direct contact with his fingers and palm, they remained a pair of cotton gloves.

“Yes!” Jake settled the money on the ground and threw on the gloves. He got past the problem; if he had to touch anything that was not meant to provide him more wealth, he would wear the gloves. If it was anything less significant, he would take off the gloves and further reinforce his opulence. Stuffing his pockets with the new-found cash, he rushed out of the office in glee.

“Too bad I didn’t sign a resignation letter. Time to have some fun.”

For the next several weeks, Jake went around the city to spend his fortune. Without consulting his girlfriend, Emma, he purchased dozens of clothing, jewelry, electronics, and even paid the first installment of a brand-new Ford Mustang. Whenever his wallet was empty, he hid inside discrete alleyways to obliterate dumpsters, metal barrels, and even exterior pipes mounted on the walls of buildings. Whatever it took to feed his desire. Money had injected him with endless happiness.

One evening, he came home with another half dozen shopping bags. “Babe, look what I got you,” he called. Emma emerged from the kitchen, carrying two plates of mashed potatoes, sliced broccoli and steak. When she saw him, she stopped dead and frowned.

“You’ve bought enough clothes already, haven’t you?” she commented, putting the food on the small dining table. “I don’t need all this. I just want you to be around.”

Jake placed the bags of outfits and accessories on the sofa, which was already covered with expensive goods he had accumulated rapidly last week. “I was hoping for a more grateful response,” he said. “Come on, I’ve got a few hundred. Let’s go out for dinner.”

“Grateful?” Emma spat. “Talk about being grateful!” She waved a hand at the steaming steak on the table. “I made this for us, and you’re suggesting we eat out? What happened to you?”

“What do you mean?” Jake scowled.

“For the last month and a half, you’ve been extra late to return home every night. You’ve never touched me without taking off your gloves. And…I received a phone call from your boss. You haven’t gone to work?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, his face free of worry. “I’ve found a much better job. Just forgot to write that resignation letter.”

“You…forgot?” his girlfriend gasped. “You’re not this irresponsible before. Don’t you know that you’ll be penalised for not giving an early resignation notice?”

“Pfft,” Jake scoffed. “How much is the fine? I’ve got enough money for us to buy a proper house. And-” His eyes glowed in excitement. “I have paid the last installment for my new muscle car. We can finally go on that road trip you wanted.” He stretched out an arm toward Emma, but she recoiled.

“Who are you?” her voice cracked. “If you want to hold me, take off your gloves.”

“I can’t. You don’t understand.”

“Yeah, I don’t understand you. I’m glad you bought all this for me, but I don’t value a luxurious life more than your love. I want my boyfriend to spend time with me, not just to earn as much money as he can. I am content with how we’ve been living since we met. Don’t you feel the same?”

“What?” Jake was exasperated. “I was making a measly nineteen dollars an hour, and you’re content? No! I have this amazing job, and I’m sticking to it. We’ll both be richer than ever before. You’ll have better clothes than all of your friends, and I can finally afford a Mustang and a new PlayStation. This is life.”

“Money isn’t everything, Jake. But it seems like you value material more than relationships. We’re done,” Emma muttered.

“What are you talking about? I’ve done all this for you. That’s how I show love. What is wrong with you? I think you’re the one who’s not content.”

Emma charged into their bedroom. Jake heard sounds of items being thrown around, but he wasn’t bothered. He was busy examining a new tuxedo he purchased for $1099.99 an hour ago. “Beautiful,” he thought.

“Have fun with your money,’ his girlfriend said after returning to the living room. Her eyes were red and she held a bulging suitcase. Opening the door, she looked back at him once more. When Jake said nothing, she turned and left, slamming the door shut with all her might.

“Women these days,” Jake said, shaking his head. Now that Emma was gone, he could convert the rest of her belongings into money. He shuffled into the dim bedroom and took off his gloves. Locating a pair of white panties, he touched it with his index finger.

Inertia prevailed. Nothing happened.

Jake tried again. Then, he tried it on a pair of jeans, on a fedora hat, and even on his Razer keyboard.

Nothing happened.

“At least I still have reserves in my account,” he said, trying to convince himself as he fumbled with his phone, logging into his bank app.

His balance was empty. He had spent it all, assured that he had all the fortune in the world. He yanked open his leather wallet. Empty. He had spent it all.

There was a new notification. An email. An email of a lawyer letter.

Money. Something that Jake needed, yet had none of.