Saturday Car Shopping

“Good morning, Jack. Get in and close the door. Let’s get going.”

“Good morning, Phil. Things okay today? Thanks for driving.”

“Everything’s good. Could use more sleep, though.”

“Me too. Definitely. I thought you got up early every day with those two young kids. Don’t you?”

“Hold on. Got to pay attention to the traffic. Ok, clear now. Off we go! How do I get to the highway? I forgot to set up the GPS app on my phone.”

“Follow this road about two blocks into the park. Then take a left at the first traffic light. Then leave the park and go for a mile. Then take a right and go over the bridge. I’ll let you know the next turn when we’re on the bridge.”

“Ok. How about entering the address of the dealership when we get to the highway?”

“Sure thing. There’s the light – take a left.”

“Got it. Wow – most of the trees are bare. Seeing a lot of brown out there.”

“Yeah. But it’s really nice in this park in the spring when everything is green. And lots going on when it gets warm out: people walking and running on the trails, family picnics in the shelters, soccer and baseball games, even some beach volleyball. Careful when you leave the park. It’s a busy neighborhood. Bars and restaurants on the first three or four blocks. Then a couple of banks and a bunch of small shops in the next five or six blocks after that.”

“So, to answer your question, Jack – Judy decided to take the kids with her to go visit her sister. They left on Thursday. I could have stayed in bed this morning until late if we weren’t going on this trip. Want to tell me again why we’re driving over an hour to go check out a car? Can’t you find it at a local dealer?”

“Nobody has the model I am interested in around here. Not many new cars with manual transmission anymore.”

“What’s the attraction? Can you even drive a manual?”

“Working on it. A friend at work is letting me drive his old Mini Cooper at lunchtime. See the bridge ahead? Take a right to get on it in two blocks.”

“Got it. How’s it going?”

“Starting to get the hang of it. Still nervous, though. I stall the car a lot at traffic lights. And it’s tricky getting going up a hill, even with the hill assist. Take a left at the light at the end of the bridge. Can you drive a stick shift?”

“Yeah. I learned to drive on an old manual transmission Honda Civic when I was in high school. Where do I go now?”

“See the sign for the highway two blocks up the street? Take a left and get on the access ramp.”

“Got it. Hmmm, I didn’t expect traffic to be this light. Good surprise, I guess. You haven’t told me yet why you want a manual.”

“Oh, yeah. I just think it will be more fun to drive, that’s all. I can pretend to be an old school race driver when I’m shifting and revving the engine.”

“Okay, Lewis Hamilton. Here, I unlocked my phone. Could you set up the GPS app to navigate to the dealership address?”

“Done. It’s showing us getting there in an hour and ten minutes. You okay driving the whole way? Need some coffee?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Then, is it okay with you if I nod off for a while?”

“Rough night?”

“Had company last night. She was … very … demanding.”

“Whoa, there! You have to a least tell me who it was before you close your eyes.”

“My next-door neighbor, Mattie. Ran into her when I stopped for dinner at the Irish pub down the street from my house. She plopped herself down in the stool next to me while I was ordering.”

“And?”

“We started talking. Mostly, she talked. After a couple of bottles of Harp, she told me that her boyfriend Alex travels for work a lot. That she’s lonely. That he flew to Dallas for the weekend and that he will be in some type of training class there all next week. I tried to listen while I was eating. I felt bad for her. I walked home with her after I paid my bill. I left her at her front door.”

“Sounds like you were Mr. Nice Guy.”

“I was. Tried anyway. But, fifteen minutes after I walked into my house, Mattie knocked on the front door. Said she had something to show me. I let her in.”

“What did she have?”

“A rolled-up poster and a plastic bag. She unrolled the poster and held it up. A field in the sun with butterflies and a barely clothed couple. It was, you know, sensual, sexy … erotic.”

“What was in the bag?”

“Something from Victoria’s Secret – lacy, pink, with butterflies on it. She offered to model it for me. Then she did. And then …”

“Ah, I think I get the picture.”

“Good. Can I close my eyes now? I’m really … tired.”

“Got one more question. Do you know this Alex guy?”

“Met him once. Tall guy. Used to be a lineman on the local university football team. He lost a lot of his bulk when he became a vegetarian, but he still looks pretty strong. Seems like an okay guy other than … always being away and not spending enough time with Mattie. Can I crash now?”

“Go for it, Jack. I’ll wake you up when we get close. I’ll listen to satellite radio for a while. I’ll keep the volume low.”

IN TWENTY-FIVE MILES, STAY IN THE RIGHT TWO LANES TO STAY ON THE TURNPIKE.

IN ONE MILE, STAY IN THE RIGHT TWO LANES TO STAY ON THE TURNPIKE.

IN TEN MILES, TAKE EXIT SIXTY-FIVE TOWARDS TENTH STREET.

IN TWO MILES, TAKE EXIT SIXTY-FIVE TOWARDS TENTH STREET.

“Hey, wake up, Jack! Almost there.”

“Uh – what? Okay, okay. I’m … awake.”

TAKE THE EXIT TOWARDS TENTH STREET. THEN TURN RIGHT.

“What’s the name of the place?”

“It’s called Bradley Motors, Phil.”

IN FIVE-HUNDRED FEET, YOUR DESTINATION WILL BE ON THE LEFT.

“We’re here, Jack. There’s a space right there near the entrance. I’ll park there.”

“That’s good. How about coming in with me?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Welcome to Bradley Motors. My name is John. Can I help you?”

“Hi. I’m Jack. This is my friend Phil. I have a ten o’clock appointment with Kate.”

“One minute. I’ll go get her. There are some chairs in that empty cubicle over there. Please have a seat.”

“Thank you, John.”

“This place is kind of small, Jack. But it looks new.”

“Yeah, it does, Phil. Business must be good. That must be Kate on her way over.”

“Good morning. I’m Kate. You must be Jack? Came to look at the hatchback with the manual transmission?”

“Yep. That’s me. And this is Phil.”

“Hello, Phil. I’ll need your driver’s license, Jack.”

“Ok … here. Why do you need that?”

“For the test drive.”

“Oh. I don’t need a test drive. I don’t think I can drive a manual shift car well enough yet. I just need to sit in the car and take some measurements.”

“All right, then. Here’s your license back. You’re from out of town? You live on Myrtle Avenue? Funny, I had someone else come in from Myrtle Avenue a few days ago.”

“Can you take us to see a hatchback?”

“Absolutely. We have one of the hatchbacks in the showroom. See it?”

“Yeah. The light blue one, correct?”

“Right. Follow me. Here. Feel free to sit in it and look around. Do you need anything?”

“Got a tape measure I can borrow?”

“Yes. I’ll be back.”

“Phil, how about getting in the passenger seat and then the back seat and letting me know what you think? I’ll try the driver’s seat first.”

“Passenger seat is … not bad. Hard to adjust, though. How’s the driver’s seat?”

“Pretty comfortable. A little snug. Nothing like the big company van that I drive during the week. I like the steering wheel a lot. Leather. The gearshift is easy to reach. Nice feel to it.”

“I’m going to check out the back seat now, Jack.”

“Well?”

“Interesting.”

“What does that mean, Phil?”

“There’s a lot more legroom and headroom than I would have guessed. I’m pretty comfortable back here. Hey - Here comes Kate with your tape measure.”

“Here we go, Jack. Anything specific you want to measure?”

“Yes. I would like to check the dimensions of the cargo area. Want to know if I can fit my skis back there without having to fold the back seat down.”

“Let me open the hatchback for you. Want me to help with the measurement?”

“No need, but thanks, Kate. I just want to get the diagonal measurements. Hmmm, okay. You can have the tape measure back.”

“Well? What’s the verdict?”

“Bummer. Not quite enough room to fit my skis. Looks like I would need a ski rack for this car.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Maybe. Not sure.”

“You can always fold down part of the back seat.”

“I know. But I wouldn’t be able to carry as many people.”

“If you think you might be interested, I can generate a quote for you to take with you while you think it over.”

“Nah. Don’t need to do that. But thanks for your help, Kate. Must be strange to get someone that comes in to just sit in the car and to measure the luggage compartment.”

“Not really. A group of people came in from out of town a couple of weeks ago to look at our large SUV. They also brought tape measures and some handheld devices. Checking if the luggage compartment is large enough for skis is nothing compared to what they were doing.”

“What was that?”

“I took them to the back lot where the car was parked. They opened the hatch and folded down the back seats of the SUV. Then two of them got in and laid down to see how much room they had. My first thought was that they were checking if they could transport a couple of corpses in the back of the car. I asked them what they were doing.”

“What did they say?”

“They said they were making an adult film and planned to shoot some scenes inside a car. The handheld devices were light meters. They wanted to check the lighting and to make sure there was enough room for, you know, the action they were planning to shoot. That’s when I left them with the car and told them to catch up with me when they were done.”

“Did they buy the SUV?”

“One of them called earlier this week and left a deposit. He said he was going out of town and would come back in ten days or so to do the paperwork and to pick up the car. Funny. For some reason I remember him. Maybe it was because I talked to him the most. Maybe it was because he was so tall. Maybe it was because he has the same name as my brother - Alex. Anyway …”

“Wow. That’s some story.”

“Yeah, car sales. Not just a job. It’s an adventure. Jack, if you need more information or if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to call me. Thanks for coming in guys.”

“Thanks. Ready to go, Phil?”

“Ready. But, can you drive back? Here are the keys.”

“Yep, my turn. Let me hold the door for you.”

“Jack, how about connecting my phone and plugging in your address before we start?”

“Okay, but I think I owe you something for driving out here. Can I buy you lunch or an early dinner when we get back?”

“I’d like that.”

“Where do you think you’d like to go?”

“How about some place where we can get barbeque and beer?”

“I think I know where to go. They reopened the microbrewery on Taft Avenue that closed down six months ago. It’s under new ownership. I saw online that the brewmaster is excellent and that they now serve mostly barbeque. And that it’s really good.”

“Sounds like a winner.”

“I put the address into the GPS app. Time to go.”

MAKE A U-TURN ON TENTH STREET.

IN ONE THOUSAND FEET TAKE A LEFT ONTO THE RAMP TO THE TURNPIKE.

“So, Jack, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“About what, Phil?”

“About the possibility that the guy who is buying the SUV for the porn movie is your neighbor Alex.”

“Oh, that. Maybe. Seems possible. Seems likely.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Doesn’t it make you wonder what the deal is? With your neighbors Mattie and Alex, I mean?”

“None of my business. For all I know, he works in the business of providing equipment for movie productions, and there’s nothing more to it than that.”

“And what about … Mattie?”

“You mean … about last night? Well, it just happened. Not sure if there’s any more to it than that.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to be chasing butterflies tonight after you get home?”

“Don’t know. Last night was really … intense … but, who knows if anything else will happen?”

“Wow. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“Just go on like it’s another day. If it were me, I’d be hyperventilating or starting to freak out. What happens if Mattie knocks on your door again? What happens when Alex comes back?”

IN FIVE MILES, GET IN THE LEFT TWO LANES TO STAY ON THE TURNPIKE.

“One day at a time, Phil. If I were in your situation, with a wife and two little kids, I might be making myself sick worrying about them all the time.”

“It’s not like that. But I asked enough questions. I am … going to … close … my eyes.”

“Ok, buddy.”

IN TEN MILES, TAKE EXIT FOUR TOWARDS TAFT AVENUE.

THERE’S A FIVE-MINUTE BACKUP AHEAD. YOU ARE STILL ON THE FASTEST ROUTE.

IN TWO MILES, TAKE EXIT FOUR TOWARDS TAFT AVENUE.

“Almost there, Phil.”

IN HALF A MILE, TAKE EXIT FOUR TOWARDS TAFT AVENUE.

TAKE THE EXIT TOWARDS TAFT AVENUE. THEN TURN LEFT.

“Phil?”

IN ONE THOUSAND FEET, YOUR DESTINATION WILL BE ON THE RIGHT.

IN FIVE-HUNDRED FEET, YOUR DESTINATION WILL BE ON THE RIGHT.

“PHIL?”

“Yeah, …, what?”

“We’re here. Barbeque and beer, remember?”

“I remember. Sorry. I really crashed. Hard. Did I miss anything?”

“Not much. There was a big backup about ten miles back. Bumper-to-bumper traffic for a little while. Not a big deal.”

“The bumper-to-bumper thing. It’s different when you’re driving with a manual transmission. It’s a pain. You’ll figure it out, Lewis Hamilton.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll figure it out later. Let’s go get a beer. And get started on a food coma.”