can you find me now?

TW: violence, gore, mental health

Static, my eyes open. I rub them, it's a new day...

The sun rises gleefully. Hello! You smile daintily, what a fantastical morning.

I sit up from my comfy bed and waltz to the kitchen, my stomach grumbling. From the refrigerator, I grab some milk and fix myself a bowl of cereal. A cup of orange juice sounds nice.

After I eat, I sit in front of the TV, scrolling through the channels. After a moment of mind-numbing TV, I come across an animal documentary with cute little cats and dogs. I smile.

***

I look through the window to my right and notice it's gotten dark. I yawn, I'm tired. I walk to the basement door and make sure it's still locked, then I drag my feet to my bedroom and I jump into bed, wrapping myself in thick blankets that keep the outside world from coming in.

As I dream, my mind wanders to fluffy clouds and sweet nothings, but yet, they make sense.

Then, I see her.

YOU DID SOMETHING

YOU DID SOMETHING

YOU DID SOMETHING

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

***

When I wake up, I'm sweating a bit but I don't remember why. I get up and go to the bathroom, and stare at myself in the mirror for a moment. I go eat, the refrigerator, I watch, TV, cute dogs, and cats, I smile.

I get sleepy and I'm yawning persistently, I look out the window and notice the outside world is dark and cold and mean and why is this happening to me I'm so scared of the dark what's in there it's not leaving me alone 

I hop into bed and hear a soft crunch, I maneuver around and discover a crumpled paper.

can you find me, Adrienne?

is written on a 'missing' poster, but I can't bring myself to look at who the 'missing' person is.

I rip the paper in half, then those in half, then those in half. Soon I have little paper shards everywhere in my bed. I cover myself in thick, cozy, warm blankets and drift off. Goodnight.

When I dream, I see her again

Why are you here? I ask her gently.

I didn't know you loved me Adrienne. But when you told me you did, you knew I wasn't like you, you and your kind. She ambiguously states.

She's frowning.

Beautiful, goddess-like, I reach out to her to feel her soft face again, but she flinches, and soon I've woken up. Her pretty face still indented into my brain. I get up and walk to the refrigerator and I eat and then I watch TV and then I look at the window and see her looking inside. I look away.

ADRIENNE ADRIENNE ADRIENNE LOOK. AT. ME.

"LEAVE ME ALONE, JUST GO AWAY!" I scream at the window I cover my eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breathes, in...then out.

I walk over to the boarded-up front door and tug on the wood protecting me from the outside world. It's still tightly nailed.

"Phew."

I walk to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror, but I don't see myself, I see her looking back at me.

Adrienne, CAN YOU FIND ME NOW?

I back away slowly, then run to my bedroom, I jump into the covers and wrap them around me, it's warm. I begin to drift off, and soon I'm in my living room, but it's all hazy and dream-like. Someone's knocking on my basement door, loudly. The door is about to break down and let out whatever is lingering down there.

I wake up, it's still very cruel and degrading and unaccepting dark outside. I soon find myself standing in front of the basement door, gripping it's key tightly, my heart pounding against my chest, trying to escape me.

Adrienne, Please Find Me

I unlock the door, I tug on the knob, are you sure?, I yank the door open, are you sure?

A cold breeze finds me, and I take my first steps down the cement stairs. When I get to the landing, I notice a picture sitting in the middle of the dimly lit room. I pick it up and see it's a picture of her.

Me and Carrie, written in blue ink, in my hand-writing. I take a few steps forward to the heavy metal door in front of me, I hesitate, are you sure? I reach for the hefty latch, and I lift it, and an aching squeak as the heavy door swings open.

you found me, Adrienne.

There you are, sitting in the chair that I left you in. Except now you've gotten more gray and saggy. Your skin is slipping off your bones. The string that is sewn into your mouth so you keeps smiling is dangling out of your skin, your frown is drooping now. Your clothes are still stained with blood, but now the bleeding from your abdomen has stopped and now it's all brown and crusted. The knife that I found myself plunging into you is still laying on the cement floor next to you. I don't change your dress out for other clothes because this is your favorite dress, though it's been ruined, I still think the green looks pretty on you.

"Hi, Carrie, my love, it's good to see you again." I kiss her forehead.

***

Static, my eyes open. I rub them, it's a new day...

The sun rises gleefully. Hello! You smile daintily, what a fantastical morning.

I sit up from my comfy bed and waltz to the kitchen, my stomach grumbling. From the refrigerator, I grab some milk and fix myself a bowl of cereal. A cup of orange juice sounds nice.

After I eat, I sit in front of the TV, scrolling through the channels. After a moment of mind-numbing TV, I come across an animal documentary with cute little cats and dogs. I smile.

I'll love you forever Carrie, alive or dead,

even if you don't feel the same.