The last cold night

You would think that this night would be freezing cold, cold enough to freeze you midnight.

(It sure wasn't warm, let me tell you).

But I didn't really noticed, or to be precisely, I just ignored it.

That had two reasons:

First of all: English winters are brutal. And they don't get better when you complain.

Second of all: I wasn't alone.

"Abad?", Dasi said, pressing her body against mine. "I'm cold."

I put my arms around her, holding her as tightly as I could. "Come on, Sisi. We're nearly there. Do you really want to die before we reach America?"

I couldn't see her, but I knew she rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic."

"Big word for a girl, don't you think?"

Dasi pinched me. "Big mouth for a boy, don't you think?"

We started giggling. Not laughing, because then we might wake up our brother Rahim or our father or literally anyone (again).

I would sell my soul knowing what we were talking about. Just to know what our last happy conversation was about. To remember the last time I heard her laugh.

The next thing I know is Rahim waking me up. Fear was in the eyes of my fearless brother.

"We have to get up. Now."

I took Dasi and then our shoes, Rahim helped our father.

(what? Shoes were expensive back then!)

"What is going on?"

"I don't."

Rahim took our father, I took Dasi. Her face was as white as ash. "I'm scared, Abad."

"I know, Sisi", I said as we ran as fast as she could, trying to fight through everyone who also tried to escape. "But don't be afraid. Everything will be fine."

At this point is wasn't really cold anymore. Warm bodies pressed again mine. The only problem being, that it were bodies from people I don't know and that we tried to run away.

Dasi's hands were clenched against mine. Tears were in her honey brown eyes.

"Hey, don't worry. I told you, everything will turn out fine."

"You're lying, Abad. Adults do that all the time."

"I'm 17."

"Tomorrow is your birthday."

I smiled. She forgot about the fact, that we could be dead tomorrow.

This soon stopped as we stopped. I was at enough mass panics to know one thing: stopping is a dangerous thing.

I looked up. The door was locked. The bloody door was locked.

"W-what is wrong?"

"Nothing."

She laughed, because she couldn't wake up anyone.

"We are going to die here, right?"

I took a deep breath.

"I...I don't know."

Dasi, my brave little Dasi, cried. It didn't mattered that "she was already 13". It didn't mattered.

"You still don't have to be afraid, Sisi. Everything is going to be fine, remember? This all will seem silly when we reach America."

At this point, I didn't believed that we're going to go out of this ship alive, but oh boy, I would crawl to the moon and the stars to protect Dasi.

Rahim looked at me from behind. He knew and nonetheless, he smiled. It seemed like he wasn't the only one with the urge to protect his little sibling.

And all of the sudden, the doors opened. The people ran like a river, that drowned you if you fought or not.

But hell may damn me if I didn't fight.

I ran with Dasi by my side like a child would run with the trains. Just that the whole village decided to run.

As we reached the deck, there was just one sentence that I could hear. One sentence that froze me more than all english winters all together.

"Women and children first!"

Of course I want Dasi to live. I want her to live the best life possible. But that didn't meant that I wanted to die.

Even if I knew it, deep down in my heart.

And Dasi knew too.

Her pupils turned big. "Abad? I didn't meant it, you know! You aren't a adult, right?"

I swallowed. "That doesn't matter now, Dasi. You have better chances to survive. You are less...brown."

Tears filled her honey brown eyes again. She knew what I meant.

"Abad-"

"Listen to me, Dasi, I don't how much time we have left. You go to these lifeboats and say, that you're Daisy Potter, 13 years old and from London. If anyone questions that, you say that you're mother is from Spain. Do you understand that?"

"But why can't we say, that you're Anthony Potter, my 17 year old brother?"

She cried. I took a deep breath.

"I can't pass as Spanish. You can."

I didn't know how much Dasi knew about racism at the time. But she knew that I was right.

And it hurt her.

(and it hurt me).

"But-but I don't want you to die!"

I also don't want to die. But I couldn't said that. It would've broke her little heart even more.

"And I don't want you to die. Please, Dasi, go to the lifeboats."

She looked at the boats. "You, Baba and Rahim will take the next one, right?"

I took a deep breath. "Of course. But this one is just for women and children, but we take the next one."

I hope I lied better this time, I thought.

Dasi embraced me and in turn I pressed the life out of her. "Take the next boat. I love you, Abad."

"We'll see each other on the other side, Dasi. I love you too."

She ran to the boats, looking back at me. I just smiled and hoped, she couldn't see the tears in my eyes.

As the lifeboat with Dasi on board left, I sat down. The ship sank, the musicians slowly stopped the music and the worst of all, without Dasi it was bloody cold.

But I was happy that I was cold. Better cold than a dead Dasi.

At least I could see mum again. It's been a while, after all.

And as the ship was dragged down the Atlantic Ocean I just thought: Whoever said, that the Titanic is unsinkable, is a bloody idiot.