Today

TODAY

Today’s the day I change.

I’m tired. I’m tired of going through the motions of everyday life. I’ve been waking up at the exact same time every day, taking the exact same route to work every day, and even eating the same meals every day.

And I’m tired of it.

I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to wake up at 6 AM sharp. I don’t want to eat whole grain ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch at exactly 12 PM. I want to do what my heart wants me to do, whether anyone likes it or not.

Today’s the day I change.

I’m going to fly all the way to Maine at 4 AM. I’m going to load onto that plane and declare that I get out first, because after all, today’s the day I change. I’m going to eat the best food I’ve ever had in my life, different from anything that I’ve ever had. Something with flavor and texture. Something different. I’m going to run along the beach, parallel with the shore, and spread my arms out in the air and yell, “Today’s the day I change!” I’m going to pursue my passion of being different from my past self.

Today’s the day I change.

And this minute, this very moment you are reading this, I’m nervous about it.

I have no idea what’s coming next. That’s the part, the one part I didn’t think through. So many accidents can happen. What if I fall back asleep when my alarm goes off at 2 AM? What if I miss my flight? And if I do make my flight, what if the plane crashes? Could there be a lightning storm? Will we be shot out of the sky like a bullet? 

What if I do make it to Maine? What if I can’t run along the beach because my father knows that it’s my dream to pursue being different from my past self? What if my voice is gone, so I can’t yell, “Today’s the day I change!”

The food could be poisoned. I don’t know what’s out there yet, which is why I’m going in the first place. There could be monsters, ghosts, dragons, or even dinosaurs out there- just like the ones in my mother’s stories. 

Today’s the day I change.

I’m going to say goodbye to the little family I have. My mother, who lives in the basement. I love her. She’s helped me through everything. She’s told me the craziest stories from her own adventures. From the crazy pirates taking over the attic to riding a unicorn through the fields of flowers next to the magic Walgreens, she’s done it all.

My father doesn’t deserve to be said goodbye to. He’s the one who’s kept me locked in the house for so long. He’s the one who set the boundaries, the one who kept my life in a constant cycle. 

My siblings. My sister, Rose, who has stories that are almost as good as my mom’s. She’s been a castaway on a stranded island, with nothing but a few rocks, trees, and cans of baked beans. She’s been on the moon, which is where, and I quote, “all the little flowers bloom.”

My brother, Fred, who’s older than me. He’s almost as stern as my father, but he has a soft side underneath all of his strength and bravery. His muscles are always activated, almost as if he’s seeking a challenge from whoever’s looking at him. He was slapped by my father when he was young, because he said that it would “Turn him into a man.”

Today’s the day I change.

I pack my bags right now as you are reading this. I’m loading them into the car, with tears in my eyes. They’re not tears of pain, I can assure you that, for I am very happy. Now, my brother has stepped on the pedal, and we’ve accelerated fifty, sixty, now one hundred miles per hour on the highway. No one’s there to see us.

Now, as you are reading this, I’m saying goodbye to my brother, my dearest Fred, who helped me through so much. Now I’m in tears, tears of sadness. Tears of pain. This may be the last time I ever see him, if none goes well.

Now I take my first step into the plane. Everyone is seated, and I ask if I could please make an announcement. The lady gives me a strange look, but she hands it to me anyway.

“TODAY’S THE DAY I CHANGE!” I shout with passion, with pride.

Everyone stares in awe, in wonder, in confusion. Who is this girl, they ask. What is she doing here?

I’m making a difference, that’s what.

I take my seat, and the plane is off the ground and into the air in minutes. Looking below me, I begin to laugh, knowing that I have successfully changed my past ways. 

I land. I exit. I run out of the doors and throw my arms wide open, smile to the sky, and shout, “TODAY’S THE DAY I CHANGE!”

I glance around me, and to my awe and amazement, there are people beyond my knowledge of, just like on the plane.

Introduce yourself, I thought. You must.

But I don’t.

Because remember? What if they weren’t of trust, like my father? What if they were just as messed up?

That was my fear.

That is my fear.

But today’s different.

Today’s the day I change.

Before today, I told myself that I wouldn’t make it past my teenage years living the way I do. That I would be trapped forever in an endless cycle of pain and despair, and that eventually, I’d have to end the cycle by ending myself. I’d have to find a way, so clever, so intricate to take myself out of the equation that equals my family. I was so sick, so tired of everything.

But today is different.

Today’s the day I change.