A Fighter's Journey

         The first thing he noticed upon opening his eyes were the vibrations of an eruption coming through the canvas below. The sounds of the arena began as background noise, but the clapping and screaming grew ever louder as he slowly recovered. The flashing lights and the crowd of moving bodies looked like a night club through the eyes of a party animal. “You’re alright, you’re alright,” were the first words he could made sense of. He tried to utter a response, but he couldn’t tell if the words left his mouth or not.

           He was helped off the floor by the medical staff and sat up with his back against the cage, finally beginning to understand the events that had unfolded. In a state of disbelief, he scanned the octagon for his coaches. “What happened? I went out? What happened?” he shouted into the abyss. His coach, being right next to him, carefully put his hand on the fighter’s shoulder and broke the news to him.

           “He caught you Tommy, I’m sorry but he caught you. Flying knee at the end of the third.”

           “No, man. You gotta be kidding me. I went out? You gotta be kidding me.”

           “I’m sorry, Tommy. You were winning the fight too; you looked like a youngster again out there. He caught you with a lucky shot is all, it’s part of the game. You fought great,” said the coach trying to console his fighter.

           Tommy knew this was a must-win fight for him. He knew that his coaches would probably tell him otherwise and try to get him to believe that he still had a shot, but Tommy knew that he needed this one to get his career back on track. This was the last fight on his contract for the Professional Fighters Association, and after three straight losses at 37 years old, none of the top organizations were going to come after him anymore. They were going after twenty-somethings with room to improve, not the thirty-somethings who were over the hump. It was the harsh truth, and now the sad reality he had to navigate.

Tommy was helped to his feet in order for the judge to read the decision, and he couldn’t help but hang his head as the dream of getting his hand raised officially vanished. The thought of taking his gloves off and retiring right there crossed his mind, but Tommy just wanted to get out of that cage. He hugged his younger opponent and congratulated him as the two warriors showed each other respect. Tommy walked out of the octagon on his own, knowing that he would likely be escorted to the hospital to get his injuries examined, as this was the protocol for all fighters who were knocked unconscious. He tried to hold back tears but deep down he knew that he had just spent his last time in a cage. Tommy felt his eyes well up. He broke into a trot back to the locker room, ashamed to let any fans see his emotion.

     Tommy spent the night in the hospital after he was diagnosed with a slight concussion. His coaches were all there with him, but what he desperately craved was the company of his wife, despite feeling like he was not worthy of her. He knew the reason she was not there was because his career never amounted to what he promised her it would. She was home taking care of Tommy’s son, and also working long days to pay help the bills to support Tommy’s fighting dream. He had promised her that he would win, and with the bonus money they could finally take the vacation that had evaded them for the past six years. They would be able to replace the old Honda with something from the 21st century. They would even be able to afford to get Tommy Jr. into a better daycare. But now none of that was going to happen.

     As he contemplated all of this, his phone rang. It was a facetime from Jessica. Tommy felt too ashamed to answer, but knew he at least had to let her know that he was okay. He knew that she always watched his fights, whether he wanted her to or not. When he answered the phone and saw his wife, quite obvious that she had been crying, Tommy broke down. For the first time since the death of his mother, he lost all control of his emotions and began to weep.

     “Oh, Tommy,” Jessica’s voice cracked, “it’s okay baby, it’s okay. You fought your heart out. We’ll get through this together Tommy. I’ll always be here for you.”

     “I’m sorry… I’m sorry,” is all Tommy could mutter in between sobs.

     For the next few weeks, Tommy could barely get out of bed. His depression was crippling him, and he knew that he could not carry on like this. The thought of ending it all had crossed his mind more than once, but he couldn’t get around the idea of his son growing up to think his father was a coward. Eventually, Tommy decided that he could no longer lay around and be a burden to his family. He had to do something. Jessica encouraged him to go back to the gym, saying it would at least help get him out of the house. He decided to listen and called up Coach Sullivan.

     “Tommy, I’ve been trying to reach you for a week. How’re you holding up, champ?” asked his coach.

     “Not too well, Sully. I’ve barely been getting up to go to the bathroom. Jess told me I should try and get back in the gym to go roll around and see some of the guys. I just wanted to make sure you had space for an old bum like me still.”

     “Don’t give me that crap, Tommy. You’re like family, and you ain’t a bum. Come down to the gym today at 2pm. I’ve been trying to get you down here because we have a proposition for you. Oh, and leave the attitude at home, alright? The guys have been waiting to see you. We’ve all missed ya.”

     Tommy hung up, realizing 2pm was quickly approaching. He showered for the first time in a few days and threw on his workout clothes. As he drove to the gym in his old blue Honda, he thought about what could have been. If he had just worked a little bit harder, the stupid piece of junk could have been a blue Mercedes. If he had dodged a couple more punches, or if the judges' decision went his way a couple more times, he could’ve had the life he always wanted. A rush of hopelessness came over him again, causing him to pull over on the side of the road and take his frustration out on the steering wheel. He knew this was probably his last time going to the gym, and he would have to break the news to all of his coaches that he would be officially retiring as just another man who never reached his dream.

     Despite the unintended timeout in the breakdown lane, Tommy made it to the gym at 2pm and was punctual as always. Coach Sullivan heard the old car pull up to the gym and stepped outside to meet Tommy at the entrance. He could tell that Tommy had been going through hell.

     “Listen, coach…” said Tommy, “Maybe you’ve guessed, but I think we all know it’s over for me.”

     “Tommy, you’ve put blood, sweat and tears into this game. We all know it. You’re a superb fighter and a hell of a man. Are you saying you’re done with fighting?”

     “Coach Sully, I’ve put more than blood, sweat and tears into this. I’ve sacrificed my life savings, and a countless amount of time with my family. I’m not getting any younger, and I’m not getting any better. I just can’t keep up with these young guys anymore. I have to know when to call it quits, Coach. I don’t know what’s next for me, but I know that it’s not fighting.”

     “Okay, well, I just wanted to make sure, Tommy, because you see, like I said over the phone, we got a proposition for you here. I’ve talked to some of the other guys on the team, and we’d like to bring you on as part of our coaching staff. You’re aware of all the talented guys coming up, but they need someone that they can look up to, Tom. I know you never became a champion, but you made it to the big leagues Tommy, and that’s no small feat. These guys need to see that someone from a small town in New Hampshire can get there, and they need someone with your experience to help guide them. I know you may think none of this has been worth it, but you have to know that you are an inspiration to these guys. Maybe not all of your dreams panned out, and I wish things were different, but you could still help some of these youngsters in making their dreams come true. What do you say?”

     Tommy was speechless. The offer came as a complete surprise to him.

     “I can give you some time to think about it Tom,” said Coach Sullivan, “but just know we’d love to have you here. I think we could really build something special with your help, and we’d pay ya as good as we can Tommy.”

     “Coach… I don’t know what to say. I’d have to talk to Jessica about it first, but…”

     “Don’t worry about her, Tom. There’s a reason she was telling you to come to the gym today. We’ve spoken with her already and got her blessing before asking ya. She supports you Tom; you know that better than anyone. So, what do you think? Will you help us?”

     For the first time in a long time, Tommy smiled. “Of course I will coach, I’d be honored.”

     “Alright then Tom, now that's what I was hoping to hear. The boys have been waiting for you. They’re expecting you to run the grappling session today. So why don’t we get you in there and get them whipped into shape, yeah?”

     Coach Sullivan opened the doors to the gym as all of the fighters were waiting for practice to begin. “Alright boys,” Coach Sully shouted, “Let’s give a big hand to your new wrestling coach, Tommy McGwire!” The following roar of applause brought Tommy back to the first time he won a fight on the big stage. He felt the goosebumps rise on his skin. He could see the genuine smiles on the faces of the young men, all of whom looking to chase the same dream that he had for the past decade. Tommy realized that just because he couldn’t do it, doesn’t mean that they can’t… And just like that, Tommy had a new dream: to help them live theirs.