Blind Backbone

Making decisions for the present can be very stressful, even more so if it can make or break your entire future. As for Aaron, things started very black and white for him because of his parents making decisions for him. Such as soccer, being put into schools, and even what to wear. He understood at a young age that, that was simply his parents caring for him and he didn't retaliate against what he knew was going to be good for him in the long run.

   Not until Aaron got older did he start to consider all his options that were sitting in front of him on a silver platter. Struggling to find the courage to try out for the soccer team. The perfect opportunity to prepare for his high school varsity team, since it was just a year away. He wondered why he felt like this. This was a sport that him and his family were loyal to for years, yet nothing felt more threatening. 

   Weeks went by and he never got a hold of the courage to merely pick up the flier. Aaron's skills were so close but his bravery was too far away. Like most instances, time waited for nobody, and Aaron's eighth grade soccer season went by sooner than he anticipated and another annoyance came into his already troubled mind.

For two years the history teacher, Mr. Russell, both encouraged and amused Aaron. But he wasn't the issue, he was simply the victim of the dilemma Aaron was determined to clean out. In his perspective, the wretched new problem was the once respected, new principal, Mr. Shackleford. Mr. Shackleford started tearing away the joys of Mr. Russell's classroom out of spite, starting with banning students coming into the classroom during lunchtime. Then it arose to an ultimatum, either Mr. Russel changes the entire way he teaches or he gets fired. Nothing tore Aaron down more than not knowing how to help his teacher... no, friend.

   After weeks of thinking and hoping, Aaron got the idea to confront Mr. Shackleford about the incident but attempted to maintain a respectful approach. Even though all respect was lost the second Aaron heard from a friend that Mr. Russel broke down in front of the whole class. Questioning people whilst in pain yourself can cloud judgement sometimes. You don't know what to say or how to say it. As an experienced adult, Mr. Shackleford knew this and took advantage of Aaron's emotional state and ended up turning the questions back to him. Aaron couldn't sleep that night knowing that his whole speech was torn to pieces he second he stepped into that office. Nothing could be done, no other students stood up for the beloved teacher. So the only thing left that Aaron thought of, was to write a recommendation note to Mr. Russell in a final attempt to help achieve another job. Nobody truly sees how some decisions can stress a person out, even something as little as putting something so heartfelt into words.

   When having an amazing father, Aaron strived to be good in a wide variety of sports but is constantly trapped in the anticipation of if he is prepared enough for any of them in high school. Disappointing a loved one is never a goal but a choice has to be made. Finally Football and Wrestling are the goals but it still doesn't put Aaron's mind at ease. Pleading with himself to be put a ease with everything going on, he decides he should go on run.

   Deja vu can be extremely rare, and with the right circumstances, jarring. Thinking about, how standing up to an administrator is less frightening than being in a group of sweaty boys who preform for fun? What if patterns in a person's life can lead to sudden resistance, or hesitation? Aaron recalled the first time he stood up against a teacher.

Second grade, when finite minds are trusting and starting to recall more long lasting memories. Aaron's caring mind was concerned for his fellow students and a childish roomer about ghosts in the bathroom. Although it was small, he still felt a strong feeling in his mind to do something about it. The teacher immediately shut him down and crushed his image of asking adults for help. Teachers preach to 'Come to me for help', how can a child be comfortable with that when a genuine concern was overlooked so easily?

   Fourth grade, 'Participation is key'. Aaron's teacher asked for people's views on a chapter book. Innocently, Aaron began talking about how the religion in the book didn't connect in a real life circumstance. Immediately his idea and justification weren't valued and was overlooked by the teacher. Seems hypocritical to ask such a thing and not listen to a answer that could be corrected or at least elaborated upon. The feeling that he was not smart enough filled his brain and he never willingly shared because of the fear he isn't worth the teacher's time. There would always be something wrong. He could never win.

All he could remember that could make him feel a sense of winning was when running the mile, hearing his times get faster and faster. His body aching but his mind pushing himself with every lap and knowing he can finish. And every time he did finish, he felt as if he did something right, a sense of finally being good enough for someone, even if it was just himself.

With all these moments running through Aaron's 14 year old mind he is practically running with blinders, and doesn't recognize running 5 miles in a little less than 35 minutes. He realizes 'running' and 'problems' in a sentence aren't always a bad thing. With every embarrassing, upsetting, hopeless and angering moment he notices going faster. His mind clearing with every sweat dropping from his forehead. Nothing seems more soothing to him right now. Once he arrives home, with his face brightly beaming, he tells his parents his decision about wanting to do cross-country in High School.

   Although he still holds the feeling he is not important enough on his shoulders, with every race the weight seems to only turn into wings as he is first practically every time. Sometimes not knowing which decision to make is a good thing. the decision will find you. But one thing was never answered in Aaron's mind. Why did he keep standing up to the adults when he was constantly rejected?