Carousel Pony

Emily had never been one to take things easy. Never been one to go the simple route.

Life was meant to be lived fast. Life waits for no one and it was going to have to race to catch up to her if she had anything to say about it.

No pit stops. No rests. No one there to pick up the slack. This was all on her. If she was going to live life to the fullest the only way to do that was to take charge and do it.

That’s how she had felt when she was younger. Now, she wasn’t sure that was what she wanted, but she’d been in the fast lane for so long now, she had no idea how to switch lanes anymore. But did she even want to?

“ Emily?” A strong, but gentle voice made her look up. Despite the internal struggle, she kept her face friendly and smiled at him. It was almost like they were kids again sitting on the steps at their high school instead of sitting at a charity gala filled with celebrities and too much champagne.

She took in his handsome, clean face and sharp haircut. His pressed suit fit his form just as well as when he’d been the football star in high school.

She tried not to focus on the wheelchair that he sat in. It was rude and he had only ever been kind to her. It would be unfathomably cruel to bring up the wheelchair in any instance, but especially when he had never forced her to be anyone except herself. Someone she had despised and yet, now, someone she wanted more than ever. But no one could know that. Not even him. This was the life she had chosen and there was no backing out now, no exit she could take.

If she left this life, what could she possibly do with her high school diploma and years of stardom? Nothing. The answer was nothing.

There were those that had gone on to help judge competitions and host talk shows… but she was not nearly tenured enough for that. She had a strong following, but her disciples were all teens and young adults striving to get their big break. That path was media meant for soccer moms and grandmas who probably just barely knew her name.

Emily took a deep breath, trying to extricate herself from the feelings she still obviously held. And there he was, trying to make her stop. And why? He said it was for her, but his life had been fast at one point too, so why was he judging her? Why was he trying to slow her down? Did she want him to? Did she want to?

Emily just kept herself from letting out an irritated scream.

‘You are a superstar. You are famous. Everyone knows your name.’ She told herself mentally, trying to calm her overworked mind and wildly beating heart. ‘You can’t slow down. There is no way out. This is the life you wanted and now it is yours. Deal with it.’

“Emily?” She started when she felt his strong hand on hers. The touch was gentle, reminiscent. A nostalgia swept over her and for a split second they really were sitting on the steps of their old high school.

She looked at him and for a fleeting moment, he was not in a wheelchair, but was wearing his sweaty letterman’s jacket and giving her that same lopsided smile. Emily felt breathless as she looked at him. As soon as the memory had come it was gone. She pulled her hand away.

Now was the time to decide. Tell him everything as she always had before, or lie to him just like everyone else.

She steeled her jaw and held her body straight, letting the confidence from every show flow through her. She looked down on him hautily and oozed unconcern.

“I am fine, Rory. I have everything I need.” It sounded weak in her own ears, but she kept her face stoic and even let a little smile quirk the corners of her mouth. “I don’t want to slow down. I like it fast.”

Emily pretended not to be concerned with Rory’s face, but she couldn’t stop herself from sneaking a quick look at him.

“I don’t believe that.” His eyes did not waver from her. He nodded back towards the foyer. “I saw you tense when he grabbed your arm.”

“I was only surprised.” She feigned, rolling her eyes. “People don’t typically grab my arm in public for obvious reasons - adoring fans and all that. Archie just surprised me.”

Rory did not look convinced, but he did not argue. He simply sat in silence as if waiting for her to continue pleading her case, which she did. Inwardly, she knew she should stop. She didn’t have to explain anything to him and yet she could not stop her mouth.

“I have plenty of security. Two of them are watching us now. No one would ever be able to hurt me.” She knew she was rambling now and she wanted nothing more to slap herself in the face.

“I didn’t ask if anyone was hurting you-“ Rory interrupted her calmly. “I would hope no one is… that would be a different conversation altogether.” He looked completely petrified now at the thought of someone laying a hand on her. “And to be honest, if someone was hurting you I doubt there would be much conversing anyway.” Rory cracked his knuckles and Emily couldn’t help her little, genuine smile.

Always the caring protector. Rory had always been right beside her and was ready to come to her defense, no matter how big the dragon.

Despite his quick rise to fame, Rory had not changed at all. Emily was surprised to feel her heart warm at this realization.

“I just want to know that you are happy.” Rory continued serious again and obviously oblivious of the war going on inside her. “I care about you, Emily. I always have and I always will. If we part ways here, you marry another famous person- if you marry Archie- I will leave you alone. I won’t bother you again. But I will never stop caring about you.”

Emily’s eyes found Rory’s and she just looked at him a moment, that same feeling of nostalgia and fondness creeping back into her heart and mind.

It seemed like Rory saw the slight change because he smiled. A soft, encouraging smile. The kind he always gave her at school right before the big test. She remembered him giving her one right before they walked on graduation night - right before the accident.

Just like that, the warmth was gone and she looked fleetingly down at his legs and then back up at his face. She backed away a few steps.

“I appreciate your concern, Rory. I have always loved that about you. You always put everyone else first and you are always there when you need them.” She swallowed, her heart beating faster and faster. “But, I am fine. I have everything I need and everyone I need. You say I need to slow down, but you are here too.” She smirked. “I would wager a pretty penny that you missed the race too.”

He clearly couldn’t stop the chuckle and scratched the back of his neck.

“No,” he finally said, sighing deeply. “I guess I can’t say I’ve hated my life the last year and don’t get me wrong… It’s been nice. ” Rory paused, obviously lost in a memory, but then looked up his warm eyes locking on hers. “But I didn’t choose this life for the excitement.” His countenance turned serious and there was sorrow in his eyes. “I did it for you.”

Those words were not something she had expected. She cocked her head confusedly and frowned.

“What do you meant?” Emily whispered.

“Well, after the accident clearly all my prospects were gone. I didn’t have a football scholarship anymore, I didn’t have a job lined up- I’m not even sure what job I would have done… Nothing I know how to do.” He smiled sadly and his brows furrowed. “We’d always planned to make it back to the school to meet up, but once I saw your stardom take off while I was standing still, I knew there was no chance to see you again. At least-“ he laughed coldly. “not the way we’d planned. I didn’t know what the plan was- but I made it here didn’t I? I knew that I would have to meet you where you were and at the speed you were going. You weren’t going to slow down for me…” Rory gulped. “You never did before. Why change that now.”

She stared at him wide eyed for a moment then moved towards him and with a hand on her mouth. She sat down next to him. “Rory…” she wasn’t one to be dumbstruck, but for once, she had no words.

“Well, I’ll be darned.” Rory chuckled, eyes twinkling. “I didn’t think you’d ever stop for me, but here you are.” He didn’t seem as sad anymore. He looked content. Just as he always had when she was next to him.

This close to him, breathing in the strong scent that his agent had likely made him wear, she felt herself relax. For the first time in a very long time, she felt free. She felt all her nerves and the walls she had built crack. She wasn’t sure she was ready for them to fall down. She had built them for a reason, after all. Emily allowed herself this moment to let some of her feelings slip through the cracks in the walls. She smiled, biting her lip with a soft chuckle of disbelief.

“I don’t know how you did it, but you did.” She leaned an elbow on the table next to her and gazed at him. “Everything feels so slow when I’m with you.” Emily laughed out loud when Rory raised an eyebrow and fixed her with a look of mock offense. “Not in a bad way, just….” She clarified laughing again. She breathed a deep, contented sigh. “Just different.”

“I win.” his nose scrunched up and she rolled her eyes, though she wished she hadn’t. She wanted to take him in for every moment that she still had to be here.

It wouldn’t last much longer. It couldn’t. Archie would come looking, someone would spot them and rumors would start flying through the gala and then across the tabloids. There was no way they could stay here no matter what she wanted. Not unless she stopped it all, but that brought up even more questions and instability.

Rory seemed to be reading her mind.

While she was in her reverie, he took her hand and began caressing it gently. She didn’t pull away this time.

“I wish we could stay here forever.” He did not take his eyes from hers and she could see hope buried deep within them.

These seven words broke the spell and pushed her into action. She started pulling back and looking about as if some paparazzi would jump out of the bushes or from under a table at any moment.

Rory’s face dropped as she stood, pulling away from him. The hope that had been in his eyes just seconds prior was now receding into the depths of his gaze again.

“You know that can’t happen.” Emily said a bit too harshly feeling as if her entire being was going to fast on a rollercoaster that she no longer wanted to be on. “I told you before.” She felt her heart thumping hard in her chest and though she felt breathless, she said the words as loudly as she could. “I like it fast.” Her heart ripped as the words left her mouth and she began to move away.

“You seemed pretty happy just to sit next to me in silence a minute ago.” She stopped and turned to see Rory’s hurt expression.

Emily could not deny that she had enjoyed sitting with him and she wanted so badly to tell him so. She felt a warmth when she thought of it and remembered how her heart had soared to see him in the foyer at the beginning of the gala. Though if she were to acknowledge the joy she had felt, she knew she must also acknowledge the fear.

Why had she been afraid? What was she afraid of?

If she left the gala now with him, if they started a relationship, if she got distracted, she could lose everything she had worked for. Every vocal rehearsal, every dance practice, every fitting, every missed meal, every sleepless night, would mean nothing if she slowed down for him.

And how could she know if that was what she wanted. How could she give up years of work and dedication for a speed that she may tire of?

Emily looked down at her feet, just once to steel her expression and gain courage.

She wasn’t sure if it worked, but suppressing every warm feeling, she finally looked up and stared straight into his eyes.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Rory, but I’m a thoroughbred looking for the next Kentucky Derby. There’s no slowing me down.” Emily was about to turn away when she heard his voice with a bite it had never had with her before.

“Seems more like you are just a carousel pony.” Emily turned, fire in her eyes. Rory didn’t look happy, but he smirked anyway. “You call it fast, but I say you are going ‘round in circles just waiting for the next ride.”

Emily wasn’t one to berate, but she felt all of the angry, spiteful words piling up in her brain like a train that had stopped too fast. She clenched her teeth, ready to fire.

“Em? Are you out here?” A melodic voice called.

Emily turned to see Archie coming towards her. He smiled as he saw her in between the tables on the veranda. Emily willed all the anger from her voice and face and forced herself to go back to a polite and disinterested disposition.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She apologized to Archie as she turned back to Rory. “I saw mr… Jones was it?” She faltered, feigning ignorance.

“Johnson.” Rory replied tersely with a cold stare. “Rory Johnson”.

“Ah, yes! Rory Johnson, sorry. Must have slipped my mind.” Emily nodded at Rory. “Anyway, I was just wishing Mr. Johnson good luck in his new found popularity.”

Archie seemed confused, but nodded next to Emily and looked like he was about to join the conversation, but was stopped when she grabbed his arm and moved to turn away from Rory.

“We really should be getting back to the gala.” Emily steered herself and Archie back towards the veranda doors. “Best of luck in your career, Mr. Johnson. It was good to meet you.”

Emily moved away towards the gala and a part of her wanted Rory to come after her. He had always been her knight in shining armor when they were kids and she couldn’t deny that she’d hoped he’d be that for her again. But she knew that she had gone too far and there was no one coming for her.

She’d made her choice and now she would have to lie in it. There was no rest in sight. No pit stop. Just her and the track and whatever road she faced, she knew now she’d have to face it alone.

The End