I Control My Own Future

Erika Black groans slightly as she woke up due to the bright flashing fluorescent light, she had to blink a few times to get used to the light. She looks around not knowing where she was. It was an empty surgical room with the mirrors smashed into pieces as well as the equipment. Erika sat up gagging before looking down the floor and vomited receiving a pounding headache. After she vomited, she wiped her mouth and got off the surgical bed “h-hello?” no response, only the creepy silence around her. She went to the clipboard by the door saying.

Name: Erika-Lily Black

Age: 20

Date of Birth: 5^th August 2000

Occupant: Student

Medical Condition: Depressive Episodes; Panic Disorder; Dissociative Amnesia; Paranoid Personality Disorder; Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Medical History: 10 years of physical abuse, mental and sexual abuse from her father Nathan Black, history of self-harm and tried multiple times to commit suicide from overdosing and cutting. Years of alcohol and drug abuse. Most current history: slicing her wrists, needs immediate medical attention

Currently in Pine River Mental Asylum

Psychiatrist: Wulf Eckstein

Room Number: 379

Who is Wulf Eckstein? Erika asks herself as she finished reading the notes, as she looked at her bandaged wrists. I killed myself? When? What happened? Why can’t I remember? She starts to get a panic attack as she could not remember anything, she could not breathe or see. Her heart was beating a million miles per minute and could barely keep her balance. After a few minutes, Erika was able to calm herself down, she needed a clear head if she was going to get out of here. She went out of the door bringing her into a dark hallway. The hallway lights were barely blinking, on the walls were bloodstains with some forming words ‘I WILL FIND YOU’, ‘I WILL KILL YOU’, ‘YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FROM ME ERIKA’ and ‘YOU BELONG TO ME’. There was paper laying around, broken glass, and the doors as they were ripped from their hinges, scratched by nails from a beast.

 Erika heard screams from one of the rooms, screams from a little girl making Erika run to the room and sees a man putting out a cigarette on the girls’ shoulder as he drank his whiskey “Shut up Bastard no one can hear you” he growls. Those words echoed in Erika’s’ mind, that man… She knew him. Who was he and why was Erika shaking in fear? Erika quickly grabbed a piece from a broken door and goes into the room smashing his head with it. The girl was crying heavily and went to the corner of the room “please… kill me” she begs.

Erika was shocked and confused by these words, the girl was probably 12 and she is begging for death. She tears up and hugs the girl tightly “it’ll be alright sweetie, I’ll protect you” her voice broke slightly as she spoke, “Where are your parents?” She asks pulling away and the girl pointed at the man “he’s my daddy” she said barely audible “What is your name?” Erika asks “Lily” She replied “Lily, let's get you out of here. OK? Come with me” She said standing up and had her hand out. The girl looked up revealing chains on her neck and wrists, she holds Erika’s hand and stood up “We cannot leave. Daddy will find us and kill us. He has done it for years. There is no escape Erika”

Erika pulled her hand back and backs away “How do you know my name?” she asks as the girl sat back down “I’ve known you for years, We try to escape but nothing changes. You wake up in the bed. Look around, he finds you and tries to kill you. You never listen to me. So, listen now and maybe we can be free. Go to room 379 and find your diary. It will be your memories and the map. Go to Dr. Eckstein and he will tell you how to kill daddy. You cannot kill daddy if you hear footsteps other than yours, hide. If he attacks knock him out. This is the last time, and this time he will kill you and if you care about me you must live. Do not listen to him, he will try to weaken you. If you hear screams or cries, its best to ignore them. They slow you down. Now go before he wakes up; I will try to hold him off” She said and grabs a piece of wood.

Erika left the room and grabs a big piece of glass. What is going on? She thought, her gut said to listen to the girl and to find the room. The eery silence was giving chills at the back of Erika’s spine, every few minutes there’s crying, shouting, and glass smashing. There was then a massive pain in her brain as if her brain were about to explode out of her skull

“We’re losing her! Get Doctor Greene stat!” A woman shouts “What happened sir?” another voice asked in a hurry as there was sounds of running on and something being pushed “I-I don’t know, I came home from work, I went into her room she was barely breathing and her wrists…. Will she be ok?” someone said with an eastern European accent, someone familiar.

Erika saw flashes of light with silhouettes of people “She has barely a pulse, we need two pints of 0 positive blood” “Don’t leave us, Erika, Fight this”

Another flash came and Erika was in her bedroom with a razor blade on her hand crying. The pain from the memories too much handle. Is this what ‘I have become? I am too weak to fight anymore’ She thought to herself before pressing the blade onto her flesh….

Erika breathed heavily and groans in pain as she notices hiker boots in front of her with a deep chuckle “you are a weak child. You never change. Just like your mother” Erika looks up and it was the man from the room “This is inside my mind?” She said as she stood up in front of him “yes, it is. A mind that you cannot escape from. Killing yourself will give me enough time to torture and kill you and Eckman can’t do anything about it” he punched her across the face making her drop on the floor, then kicked her onto her gut making her cry in pain “I am going to enjoy this” he laughs and grabs Erika by the hair and cuts her arms making her scream in agony

“We’re not getting a pulse!” The woman shouts again “Please Erika, don’t give up. Don’t let him win” the man with the foreign voice said

Erika kicks him by the crotch making him drop her has he groans loudly. She uses the piece of wood to hit him against the head and stab him “This won’t kill me” he laughs as he coughs out blood “It will slow you down though” she said kicks his head as it is a football. She ran immediately leaving her weapon as she could steady beeps. She ran looking at each door for the number and nearly passed her room. She stops and goes to the door. A door that was not broken? That was something new, she opened the door and walked in. It was Erika’s bedroom, the safest place for her. Erika went walked to her nightstand, opening each drawer containing meds, drugs alcohol, and blades. Looking at each pill, bottle, blade made the young adults’ stomach churn from disgust. Her toxic habits controlling her life for that desire to forget.

Erika sat on her bed crying hugging her legs forgetting the blood leaking out of her arm ‘I just want to be free’. In the diary, she needs her diary. Erika went under the drawer and pulled out her diary.

 The dusty diary that hasn’t been touched for years. Erika opened the first page revealing a small map for directions for Eckstein’s office. She then heard a quiet whimper from the other side of the bed. She stood up showing a 14-year-old girl half-naked, bruised, and fresh cuts on her arms, showing chains longer and bigger than from the 12-year-old girl “Lily?” she asks cautiously “Don’t give up… Help will be here soon” Lily whispered to herself. Erika remembered this, a month after her mother died in the car crash, so claimed by her dad. Tears flowed out of her eyes, this was when it started, poisoning herself so she would feel free.

Erika put the diary in her bag along with a few bottles so she could defend herself. She walks out of her room carrying the bag. She follows the map, she had the temptation to drink the toxic stuff in her bag, but she must deny it. As she walks closer to the room the temptation grew bigger and bigger as whispers grew ‘worthless’ ‘useless’ ‘no one loves you’ ‘you will only disturb him’ ‘He won’t listen’ ‘he doesn’t care’. She stops to listen to the words as she looks at the door saying DR. ECKSTEIN.

She turns around about to give up and accepts her fate when she saw her father across the hallway walking towards her “found you” he grins making the beeping sounds goes a bit faster. Erika goes into the room in a panic and was suddenly on a small wooden boat with an older man beside her fishing about late 40s

“Dr. Eckstein?” she asks looking around seeing only water and forest around them

“You know that you can call me Uncle Wulf, right?” the man said with the foreign accent she had heard earlier.

“Where am I?” she looks at him and saw a small smile on his face “Pine River Forest. I taught you fishing here when your father was arrested, and I got full custody. You were 16 at the time” he explained, “It said on the file that you were my psychiatrist.” She stated as she took an apple and ate it “that’s because you know that you can talk to me, Erika. You refuse to talk to anyone and block everyone out to protect yourself” “I feel that I am just a waste of time Uncle. I don’t see the point” “Don’t say that. You are fighting for your life right now, please. I am begging you to live. You are the only thing that keeps me close to your mother, to keep her memory alive. What happened to you, shouldn’t have happened to you at all but you have to live with it that yes it happened and don’t let the past dictate your life. He is not worth destroying your life. There is so much life ahead of you Erika, don’t waste it. I am here for you. Even if you think that I’m not”

“I am so lost… I-I don’t know how to kill him or get out of here. I just want to be-“ “Free” he interrupted her “I am here to help you when you get lost, when you feel lonely, sad, or when you think that you are so defeated. Let me in and help you. Together, you can fight it and be a better version of yourself. You know how to kill him; you always knew but didn’t know you knew. Remember this is your mind. You are in control, not him, not anyone else”

Erika hugs Wulf tightly and he hugged back “When you wake up again, don’t let the past affect your future,” he said before he threw her into the water making her scream as she fell into the water. She was now in an empty room with her father in front of her, she breathed heavily as she looked at the horrid man. The monster developed a sinister grin as he ran towards her and pins her on the wall “No escape from me” He chokes Erika tightening her grip making the beeps go rapidly “I will kill you” he laughs

“She’s going into cardiac arrest” Erika hears shouting “Get him out of the room now and get the crash cart. Stay with us Miss Black” in the background was a man shouting her name

Erika puts her hands on his eyes and pushes her thumbs into is eyeballs causing him to scream and let go of her. Erika kicked his stomach as she was coughing. Her father growls like the beast he was and stood up, grabbing her and threw her across the room making her hit the wall. She screams and coughs. He runs to her as she stood up and slices her face. Erika was on the floor breathing heavily with her vision blurry as he continuously kicks her as she screams making the line go flat. “I am your Past and I am your Future. I control you” He laughs maniacally.

“No pulse. AED. CLEAR!” A shockwave went through Erika’s body. No response, “CLEAR!” another shockwave

Erika screams as loud as she could, cracking the floor and blew her father across the room. She stood up “YOU DO NOT CONTROL ME! I CONTROL MY OWN FUTURE!” She shouts at him making him look at her with some fear “you are nothing, you are a waste of my life. “The monster stood up “We are in my mind father, so you go where I tell you to go” She ordered and punches him in the face repeatedly until he dropped. “This is your prison, where you will be forgotten as time passes. Just a speck of dust”. The once strong, controlling father was now weak and chained in the room

Erika was now in the asylum but now clean and fixed. She walks to the door leading to the outside, knowing what she will do when she woke up. She opens the door and there was a white flash…

Erika opens her eyes slowly, blinking repeatedly. She hears people talking outside of the room and the announcements. She feels a hand on her left hand, she looks at the person, it was her uncle sleeping on the chair beside her. She smiles softly and holds his hand tightly ignoring the fact she was in pain. Wulf woke up in shock and looks at Erika slowly “Erika? Erika!” He tears up and hugs her immediately “You had me scared!” Erika hugs back “I’m sorry Uncle. I’m sorry for everything. I promise I’ll open up more to you” she said

They were back at the apartment a few weeks later. Erika looks around before she grabs a trash bag “What are you doing?” Wulf asks following her “Something I gotta do right now” Erika smiles reassuringly and went into her room. She opens her drawer and threw away the bottles of alcohol, razor blades and drugs, Wulf smiles as he watched “Your mother would be proud of you.” He said, “I hope so, can I tell you, something Uncle?” She asked as she closed the trash bag once everything was in “you know you can always tell me anything” He looks at her from the edge of the doorframe “I heard you, when I was unconscious, telling me to fight. Not to give up. I realized that I must change because I cannot live like this. Well, what I am saying is… Thank you for saving me Uncle” She said looking at him “No need to thank me, Erika, I know that it's tough now, but I promise that I will be here for you” He replied as Erika walked out with Wulf walking beside and threw away the trash. They both hugged each other “Can we go fishing on the weekend?” Erika asks, “I knew it that you loved fishing” He cheered slightly making her laugh slightly “Yeah, we can Erika, we’ll go to the cabin for the weekend”