Thoughts of Cider

A steady beat in my headphones thuds against the tune going on outside. Slow and gentle against the rush and pushes of people escaping the brisk air. Yellow leaves jumped to the still ground, singing as they went. A soft smile laid against my chapped lips. Thoughts of warm nights were ending, but that didn't bother me. Autumn was my season and was soon to be another's as well. Looking down at my plump belly and how it stretched the buttons of my coat, I chuckled to myself. The wool scarf my grandmother made me hugged me tightly. Pushing through with the next wave of warmth seekers, the music in my ears drowned out. 

Students and couples all cuddled with their ceramic cups. An armed chair made of leather called me to its comforts. Allowing the café sounds to surround me, I took off my headphones and placed my bag down on the chair. People made efforts to move out of my way, a perk of being pregnant. Making my way to the back of the line, I saw Kat, the cafe's owner, and a dear friend of mine.

"The usual?" Kat mouthed.

Shaking my head yes, I turned back to the chair. A man with braided hair sat next to the chair I had claimed. Seeing me walk over, he stood.

"I'm sorry, is anyone sitting here?" He politely asked.

"No, all yours."

At my invitation, he sat back down awkwardly. His bright blue eyes looked blankly at his open laptop.

"Long night?" I softly asked.

"More like the entire year," the man chuckled.

His smile was crooked but welcoming. My belly kicked to know more about him.

"I hope that I am not interrupting anything, but you have chosen to sit by someone who wants to know more about you." I smiled shyly.

Closing his laptop, he shifted to look directly at me. Surprisingly, my confidence began to doubt itself. I mean, he is probably trying to be friendly.

"Before you ask anything, what is your name?" He asked.

"Rae-Ann," my cheeks went hot, "and yours?"

"Kipp."

A small barista walked over with a plater of two mugs. One was my apple-cider with a caramel apple dunked in it. She placed an espresso cup with a plate of pumpkin seeds next to Kipp. The barista gave me a wink, most likely from Kat, and told us to enjoy.

Examining the espresso and seeds, Kipp gave me a worried look.

"How-"

"No idea."

Gulping, he shrugged and mixed the seeds in the cup. Our eyes met to confirm the madness about to happen, then he took the espresso like a shot. Chewing while thinking if it was good or not.

"How was it?" I asked, trying to hide my giggles.

"Honestly, amazing. The texture is WAY off, but the flavor is there." An awkward smile leaped from his face as he turned to read the menu.

It was a blackboard filled with leaves, pumpkins, and what I think was an attempt at a scarecrow. Every year Kat came up with better and crazy drink ideas. Today the special was the very espresso and seeds that Kipp tried.

"Caramel apple in cider?" The man whispered to himself.

"Don't knock it till you try it," I said, taking a small sip.

A gentle laugh eased the tension between strangers. A little kick let me know the cider was perfectly brewed. Steam graced my cheeks with each careful sip. 

"When do you eat the apple?" Kipp asked.

"When you want to, but I like when all the caramel melts off. Makes the cider sweeter."

"Like you," he blushed.

I could feel the heavy feelings between us from that comment. The only concern was if Kipp truly meant it or if it sounded good. Smiling, I made eye contact to show I couldn't be fooled. Kipp smiled to ease the weight between us. It felt like a typical clique, like pumpkin flavors and autumn. Should I try melting this feeling like he was? Or was I better off alone with my cider?

* * *

Coming home on that hot summer day felt like the best day of my life. I had just gotten word I was going to have a baby with the man I loved! I may have fun a few yellow lights, but they lasted forever here anyway. Racing up to the door, I could barely put the key in with how excited I was. 

"Baby! I'm home!" I sang into the halls.

Walking into the kitchen, I called out again, "baby?!"

Perhaps he was still in bed? It was only noon, perhaps he missed his alarm. Walking up the carpeted stairs, I gentle knocked on the bedroom door. Inside the room, everything was clean to perfection. Except for one new detail, a small white note on the bed. Everything sunk in me, my hopes, dreams, the once exciting news. I had no idea what it even said. Opening the note, feelings of dread exploded within me.

Rae-Ann,

Though you have done nothing wrong, I am leaving. Leaving for myself. As I write this note, I hope you know I have broken my heart in this decision as well. Nothing between us ever moved forward, and it is all my fault. I never tried, I never met you in the middle, and I never felt the need too. I am sorry. It is true, all of the feelings I had for you. However, they have now come to pass. I am moving out of state, maybe I'll go to Maine or somewhere. Visit that island we loved and start new there. Again, I am sorry for not giving you a chance to say your part. I knew if I did, I wouldn't have left.

 I wish you nothing but the best,

Jack

* * *

"You okay?" Kipp's voice suddenly rang in my thoughts. 

"Sorry, I remembered something," my voice trailed off.

Kipp smiled and gingerly stood up; he told me to wait where I was before leaving towards the cash register. It was strange that I didn't feel alone when he left, only the lump in my throat grew stiff. Trying to swallow any cider was impossible now. 

Kipp's braid slightly bounced when he returned, a big trouble grin also stretched across his face.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Wait for it," his grin grew, "I think you'll really enjoy this."

A soft laugh escaped my mouth without me knowing. Kipp was a joyful man, which only made my curiosity worse. I should ask him about his job and his family, you know if there is anyone special in his life. Doing so would result in him asking me the same thing, which I was trying to avoid. 

"Did you pick a name for your little one yet?" 

This question threw me off guard," um, no. Not yet." Laughing, I thought out loud, "maybe Cider, for how much I drink it."

Kipp's laugh tossed his head back with ease. Part of me knew that he was just a polite stranger making conversation. Part of me wanted there to be more. I asked him about his family finally; to be sure which part of me should be in the conversation or not.

He explained how he had a brother in the forces and a sister who was a nun.

"A nun?" My excitement rang through my voice.

"I come from a pretty big Catholic family," his smile suggested he was still practicing.

"What do you think of me?" I asked, motioning to my belly.

"Well, tell me about yourself, and I will let you know." 

Gulping, I told him about my childhood of being an only child. The struggles of being a soon-to-be single mother. How close I am with my grandmother and about Jack.

"Only a note?" His voice tightened.

"It was a shock, I will admit. However, with how things are, I am glad it happened the way it did."

Kipp's hand grasped mine in a silent solacing way. It was comforting, and the knot in my throat wanted to say something silly.

"Kipp-"

The small barista came back again, this time with a plater full of mugs and one tiny pumpkin. Two were placed closet to me, the cider with a caramel apple and a hot chocolate with gram crackers on the side. Kipp was given another espresso shot with seeds and a drink, I didn't know. The tiny pumpkin was filled with cheesecake and placed in the middle of us. The barista told us to enjoy with fake enthusiasm and went off. 

"I figured we could branch out!" Kipp suggested to the drinks. "One new thing for both of us and something to share."

His smile melted my heart. I wondered why he was being so kind? 

Taking a big bite of cheesecake, he covered his mouth to speak, "I think that you are the most interesting person."

Smiling, I decided to fill my mouth as well, "I have really liked getting to know you."

Kicks urged me to say more, but there is only so much you can say. Kipp was not a complete stranger anymore, but I wouldn't give him the keys to my house anytime soon. Plus, on this brisk day, it was nice to have someone to talk to. 

As we dived deeper into our cheesecake and drinks, my stomach began to beg to use the bathroom. Shifting in my seat, I made the daily battle of standing up. Kipp stood gracefully and helped me stand. 

"I'll be waiting," he smiled.

* * *

"Honey, what are you working on?" A deep voice brought me back to this world.

The keyboard in front of me was covered in crumbs, and my cider's steam had subsided. 

"A story for a writing competition, want to see what I have so far?" 

My husband leaned over my shoulder for a closer look. He had just gotten out of the shower and smelled of Irish Spring. I shifted to give him a quick kiss on the neck. 

"Oh, wait, Kipp," he exclaimed, "like our realtor?"

"I couldn't think of a different name!"

Laughing, he took my mouse to scroll back up the page. I urged him not to click anything in-case I forgot to hit save. Rolling his eyes, he saved the document for me.

"Is this the café down on 13th street?"

"Is it that obvious?"

Chuckling as he scrolled down, mentioning any typos along the way. Not to mention all of the looked-over words I missed spelled. 

"Lilly, this is really good!" 

"Thank you, Victor." I smiled, rubbing my now aching back.

Victor gave me a look of worry before kissing my belly.

"Your mother works too hard," he whispered.

Looking back at me, I admitted I had no idea how to finish the story. Of course, there was going to be a happy ending; how do you lead the audience there without it being so clique? Laughing to himself, Victor claimed I will figure it out if I went on a walk with him. Smiling, I agreed. 

The air outside was crisp, but the sun's breath was warm. Holding his hand, I felt better about the day than I did sitting in the small room. 

"Rae-Ann," Victor mumbled.

"You like it?"

"Honestly, yes. I think it would be a cute name for a girl."

"It is a girl's name." I joked. 

Squeezing my hand, he stopped to look at me; at my swollen ankles, my round belly, and my messy bun. I knew he thought I was beautiful, then though I felt like a fish. Going about my day flopping around and smelling.

"We should name her Rae-Ann." He admitted.

Tiny, kicks agreed, a little too rough for my liking. However, I liked the name Rae-Ann a lot and couldn't think of any other name to choose from. Smiling, I nodded my head in agreement. My feet hurt, and I wanted to sit back down. Squeezing his hand, Victor got the memo to lead me back home.

"How are you going to finish the story?" He asked as we walked inside.

"I'm not sure, I feel so stuck." 

"Happily ever after too clique?" He laughed.  

Hearing his laugh made tiny kicks come faster and closer together. In my heart, I knew what was about to happen. My mind began to run with how things were about to go down. My mind was also still craving the espresso with pumpkin seeds that I made up. Not to mention the caramel apple in cider! How I wished for one of those concoctions right about now. Working up the strength, I finally said, 

"Victor, I think my water just broke!"