I had never seen Mandy look sterner. Her hands were aggressively attached to her hips, squeezing tightly as if to convert some of her mental anger into physical pain. Her eyes were watery and her whole body seemed to shake with the wrath of a typhoon. She had spotted Chelsea and I walking together, like we always had. It had been an awkward conversation since she pulled up and stepped out of her car and the dilemma was only becoming more heated. I felt that things would soon boil over – they always did with Mandy.
“Well? You can get in the car or keep walking with her. The choice is yours,” she spoke so loudly I was worried others might have heard. I glanced around and noticed a few bystanders alerted to the commotion. Chelsea backed up and waited on the sidelines for a moment avoiding the firing line of Mandy’s yelling. Beneath her wild anger, I could feel her sadness. I could see her distress in believing Chelsea was special. She had some obsessive need to take on every social position in my life. At first, I thought she just needed a little more time and attention, but it was never enough for her to trust me.
With wide eyes, I tried to reason with her, “I don’t understand why you’re getting so angry. Chelsea is just a friend, also, I thought you said you didn’t want to commit officially just yet anyway.”
Her mouth dropped open. She behaved as though I had just murdered someone right in front of her. It was ridiculous. How could walking with a friend be such a horrendous crime? The offence of my words forced the tears from her eyes. She glared with all the madness in the world, helping to squeeze them out.
“I can’t believe you’d bring that up now, everything was going so well…. All you had to do was use your brain and think about how I would’ve felt about this! Why don’t you ever think of me? I always think of you!”
She brought her hands to her face and sobbed. I could feel strangers’ eyes on the back of my neck, watching and waiting to see how I would plea. More than anything, I felt embarrassed and sorry for Chelsea. She had done nothing wrong in all of this and yet I was certain Mandy hated her anyway. Every time Chelsea tried to reach out to Mandy she was faced with unresponsiveness or cold, short replies. I knew this strange jealousy needed to end; I couldn’t keep submitting to Mandy’s waterworks every time she felt threatened.
“Look, I’m hanging out with Chelsea. I told you we go for walks here every second Wednesday, I was honest with you about it so I don’t get your attitude,” I defended. Mandy stared at me with all the passionate hatred in the world. I could feel her disappointment penetrating through my body.
“You’re a horrible person, I can’t believe I ever trusted you,” she muttered, furiously wiping tears with her sleeve. Chelsea attempted to back out of the situation, “I think I might just head home.”
Mandy snapped her head towards Chelsea, “Oh no! Don’t let me ruin your romantic walk together! Goodness knows you wouldn’t invite me along, would you? It just has to be you two, doesn’t it? Can’t just stay out of our relationship, can you?”
“Hey,” I piped up, “Leave her out of this. If you’re going to take your insecurity out on someone, take it out on me.”
“Insecurity? Are you joking? You’re the reason I get insecure, you do all these things to make me insecure. If you actually cared about me, you wouldn’t be out here with another girl right now! How is that so hard for you to understand?”
“Mandy, you do this every time. I’ve never done anything to betray you; I tell you everything. You’re never going to have enough control to feel secure – that’s something you need to figure out with yourself.”
Mandy was hurting badly. I knew I had overstepped in public, but I couldn’t handle Chelsea copping her abuse too.
“I’m trying to figure it out. You’re not making it any easier for me!” She shouted, “Why can’t you just be a decent person?”
Chelsea was becoming extremely uncomfortable. I could see the tip of her sneaker digging into the grass as she waited for the situation to blow over.
“I’m walking with Chelsea. If you want a conversation, I’ll talk to you after,” I said, firmly.
It felt awful to be so brutal with her. She was in truth a very thoughtful and caring person, but her desire for control was too much for anyone to deal with. Mandy gave one final look of utter despair and then slipped back into her car. There were a few more moments of tension as the car disappeared out of sight.
“I’m going to go home. This is really bad,” Chelsea said, “I’m so sorry.”
I turned to face her and noticed her teary eyes. A chord of personal responsibility struck deep within my heart.
“No, don’t. I mean, you can if you want to; but, please don’t think that’s what I want,” I placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a well-meaning smile.
She glanced up at me with gentle gratitude, “Maybe she’s right though…I interfere just by being friends with you...”
“It wouldn’t matter who it was, she’s got her own issues. I’m not giving up my friendship with you to give her some false peace of mind. I’ll stop seeing her.”
Chelsea’s eyes were bigger than they’d ever been, “No, goodness, don’t do that. Then she would be right.”
I smiled with a light shrug, “It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, we shouldn’t let her down.”
A small chuckle escaped from Chelsea’s smile. Her smile made the whole world a degree warmer and it made me feel happier than ever knowing I could bring it out. In that moment, I knew exactly what I wanted.
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