Sunshine

*Sensitive Content depicting blood and murder*

My mother hugged me as she always does before I leave. Her warm touch and the smell of her floral perfume are nostalgic, comforting. I close my eyes for a few seconds and open them as I pull away to see her kind smile. She has aged well, with only distinct laugh lines and crow’s feet to show that she is not as young as she used to be. She is wearing her favorite flowing dress, white with sunflower pattern. Summer is turning into fall quickly this year. Her sunflowers provided abundant seeds so she could finish her lifelong dream of getting them off the endangered list. She did the unthinkable. The Elders offered her no help, what with the land being corrupted and decaying. They thought it was impossible.

They were wrong.

My mother proved them wrong. She brought back life to this decrepit planet. The one humans destroyed with their… technological advances. She always told me “follow the path, Mother Earth will always be there”. I almost stopped believing. I did stop believing. At every turn, the Elders would poison my mind.

“Your mother is upsetting the balance”

“The Earth is not sustainable as it once was, she is insane”

“No one can stop this”

“She is ruining the Earth, the path”

“She must stop, for her health and for Mother Earth”

The Elders did not want her to achieve her dream as it was just that… a dream. Her dream was upsetting the balance, order. I had not seen it at the time that her dream was not upsetting Mother Earth’s balance, but theirs. They needed her to fail. They needed her to stop to maintain what they had over the others.

My eyes started to water, why did I stop believing in her? I am her only daughter, her only living relative. I cast her aside for the Elders. I thought it was my duty to maintain balance and order. Not like this, never like this.

“Mom,” I said quietly, tears starting to take form, “why?” Her kind smile never wavered. She did not say anything. She placed her hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes again, seeing a memory.

“Mommy, Mommy!” my younger version rushed to her laughing, carefree. “Can you sing me that song Mommy?” Mother looked at me and smiled that kind smile.

“Of course my dear. Anything for my sunshine.” She closed her eyes and started to hum. I closed my eyes with a smile and hummed with her until she started singing:

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,

You make me happy,

When skies are grey,

You’ll never know dear,

How much I love you,

Please don’t take, my sunshine away…”

She stopped and opened her eyes to look at me. We started singing “The other night dear,

As I lay sleeping…”

The memory faded away as I opened my eyes again. Her warmth was seeping into me, pouring out of her. I could feel her love through her touch.

“Mother please, talk to me.” My tears were freely falling. I could not see her face through them. Her face became blurry, but her smile… her smile was still kind.

“Mommy, please… sing that song with me.” I said, my tears never stopping. I started to hum, but she just kept smiling. My sobs and hiccups interrupted my humming. I looked up towards the sky in my mother’s field of sunflowers. When did I stray from the path? I strayed too far and became a sheep without her shepherd. The sky became cloudy, like my mind. Rain started to drizzle on my face, covering my tears. I heard shuffling behind me. I knew those footsteps.

“You’ve done a good job. This is almost mission complete.” Elder Mickael said to me. I did not turn to face him. My mother didn’t even look at him. She couldn’t.

“Elder Mikael, why did it have to be this way” I asked.

“It was the only way to maintain balance and order.” That was always his answer. Always their answer.

“You have your orders Clytie. We will be waiting.” He left quickly. The Elders were busy people, always in a rush to maintain balance and order. My neck started to hurt, but I just kept looking at the sky. It reflected my innermost feelings in this moment. It reflects my future, one where I am not able to get back on the path my mother showed me. The wind started to pick up, the rain hitting me in its torrential fury. I disregarded my mother and her dreams. I left her when she needed me most. I became the Elders’ most loyal warrior. And where did that lead me?

The sunflowers started to break as the rain and wind dictated. I looked around frantically, my mother’s hand falling from my face. I was not able to save her dream. I looked back down at her smile. The tears on my face were becoming one with the rain. I looked up towards her eyes, her tears dropping in tandem with the rain. My soul was tearing apart. My mother’s warmth was almost gone, the rain taking it away along with my sin. I looked down towards her chest, to the place where I stabbed her. The red lifeblood almost all gone with the rain, leaving its stain on her dress. The knife reflecting my shadowed face.

“Mommy, please come back… please sing with me again”, I whispered. I knew that she could not hear me. She could never hear me again, nor I can listen to her voice again. Her dream, breaking away each second the storm continues.

“Mommy, continue the song with me” I started singing to her the song that seared itself into my soul, the one that I could never sing anymore after this day:

“I dreamed I held you,

In my arms,

When I awoke, dear,

I was mistaken,

So I hung my head and I cried.”

Her kind smile never went away. Only her soul.