Please read Regret, Mommy's girl and if you want Her view and His view or else you might not understand this story as much. Thanks for reading!
I had Kleptomania and I wasn't proud of it. Now, it might sound like a fancy word for genius or intelligence but it wasn’t a gift to me, it was more or less a curse capable of destroying my future.
I always had it since I was a young boy, my parents never knew, they thought it was natural among kids; the nerves of stealing.
If I was given the choice I would have chosen to never steal and be honest, maintain a class, don’t disobey the rules of this universe and I tried so hard to resist the temptations around me; the purses full of money, the toys I’d always wanted but never had a chance to play with one, everything. It’s like they’re waiting for me, waiting for me to get my hands on them and bring them home with me.
I hated myself so much. Gail, my older brother wasn’t a thing like me, he never stole anything in his life. I was so irked of always having to play the bad guy, why can’t I be the good guy for God’s sake?
I always tried to loot cheap things; toys, books, candy, anything less than a few dollars. But when I became older I felt like my stealing choices increased vastly. I couldn’t even face my family anymore and shy away from them whenever necessary.
When it got worse and my father had asked for my aid in our family business, I one day had to take care of it, I denied the offer as inviting as it may seem. I didn’t want my family worrying unnecessarily about me.
I moved to Tennessee to live with my uncle Matt and aunt Martha until I finished school and hopefully get a job one day, if I survive school first.
Ever since I’d moved I never stole anything, for a second I thought the bad habit was gone when I came here as I was overjoyed. I didn’t think about it for years and by the time I’d graduated from high school I’d completely forgotten about my bad luck because I always had my lucky charm, Rachel.
She had been my best friend since I first moved here to Tennessee, her warm brown eyes always kept me going for my dreams, her laughter was like the chores of bells. Her face always brightened my day.
She kept me distracted throughout the years I never had nerves to steal, I tried as hard as it seemed, I would excuse myself on shopping trips with her if it got too bad. I won’t let her see this side of me, she’s all I got, I don’t want her to walk away from my life too.
I was always in full control of my actions, always precocious and taking the risks to make Rachel happy at the same time. Maybe I’d been thinking too much about this because I sure failed at proving I am stronger than this bad habit that had haunted my entire life. I’ll never forget the day her eyes shed tears because of me, the way her lips quivered with fear as if I would hurt her.
It all started a month after I’d asked Rachel to be my girlfriend…
* * * * * * *
“Hey man, how’s life going?” My best friend Hayden called me, we’ve been friends since we were kids, then he moved away and we lost touch and when I came to Tennessee, coincidence he also goes to the same school I was in and we instantly became closer; filling each other’s lives after his departure.
Now he lived only a few blocks away from me and Rachel, ready to pounce through our door whenever Rachel made her famous chocolate chip cookies. She gladly welcomes him over though, I gotta admit he eats like a pig. Rachel’s super sweet, she always treated my family and friends as they were her own.
“Good, it’s like everyday,” I replied.
“Hey wanna do something interesting?” His voice had a touch of suspicious vibe to it. I knew Hayden also had the tendency to steal since as kids we both stole a teddy bear our parents never bought us, unlike me he had a choice to not steal but he preferred to.
“What kind of interesting are we talking about?”
“Come over to my place, I have some good news,” he seemed very excited as he whispered. Whatever ‘interesting’ was, he didn’t want anyone to hear our little chat.
“Can I tell…” I wanted to ask if I could tell Rachel but Hayden immediately denied.
What could it be that he doesn’t even want to fill in Rachel who he considers his little sister?
“Thanks for coming Kevin,” He told me as I entered his small apartment.
“Ya, sure what’s up?” My eyebrows were arched as I doubted his intentions carefully.
“You know that new bank in Higgins ave?” He knew, I knew about that bank. I felt uneasy about where this was leading to. I would rather avoid unnecessary trouble.
He flashed a toothy smile as he exchanged his idea with me.
“What, Are you out of your mind?” I exclaimed. His offer was so alluring to me, it was like the old days, we always had so much fun together… but now I’ve changed from that awful past, I can’t go back to being so careless. Doing what Hayden had asked of me was putting my relationship with Rachel in jeopardy. I love her too much to accept his offer as inviting as it may seem.
“Come on, remember those old days, think about it, we’ll be rich in minutes,” He was crossing my line of defence, I need to think things through before I obey anything he tells me to do.
“Don’t worry, no one will know,” He grinned as we high-fived. I was so disappointed in myself, had I really accepted this, my pathetic life was meant for stealing? I was leading a meaningless life if all I did was cause inconvenience to people. But I reluctantly agreed to his biddings. We were going to rob the Higgin’s bank… tonight.
* * * * * * * *
“Where are you off too late?” Rachel interrogated, I gulped as my head felt dizzy.
“Nowhere in particular,” My voice came out squeaky with fear as if she would suspect something was off but she shrugged, minded her own business.
I felt awful, like a bitter taste in my mouth that never wanted to leave me alone.
I. Had. Lied. to. Rachel.
I still felt like my mind was playing tricks on me, I was still dreaming because I knew that if I was conscious I would never, ever lie to her. She was my soul, my love, my heart. Without her I was… alone. No one would look at me with lovable brown eyes that melted my heart in satisfaction. Her laughter was as memorable as my childhood, her silky hair always in a messy bun that I would always laugh about. She was my everything, yet I’m betraying her, my family and myself.
‘Just do it already’ I was against my mind, kept on bugging me, nudging me to move forward and just do the damn thing for God’s sake.
‘Get it over with, just think about that diamond and sapphire ring you wanted to give to Rachel’ My mind was so convincing, I wanted so badly to make Rachel mine… but the ring I chose was beyond my budget… if only I could get the money…
‘That’s it, I’m doing this’ I let my mind lead me, it took full control as I strolled past the streets, crossing streets, looking out for any people who might think I was acting shady.
“Glad you came, she doesn't…?
“No,” I cut him off, not wanting to remember her, not now.
“Good, the workers are off to their breaks in about 5 minutes, get ready.”
We quickly patrolled the area, looking for witnesses, checking if our suspense was secure.
“You go in, I’ll be look-out.”
“But…” I started, we heard a noise and ducked under the bushes nearby, Hayden gestured to me to go in, not wanting to waste time, I followed his instructions.
I slipped through the bushes and into the building. This might be the last time I could see Rachel’s contended face again.
* * * * * * * * *
“Did you get it?”
“Yup, all eight bags,” We shook hands as we got out of the lot, the alarms went off the second I was out the door, we ran for it as we were persuaded by the watchmen. My oxygen felt unstable, Hayden who was much more of an athlete than I was already was ahead of me, I saw in the corner of my eye the men were not going to give up without a fight… a nasty fight.
“Come on,” Hayden breathlessly called out to me. I tried to keep up to his swift paces.
‘Run’ I repeated in my head. ‘Rachel, I need you’
I was taken back to all the cherishable memories of us, she was still there for me even if I did something bad. I was a terrible man and an even more dreadful boyfriend.
We were almost losing them, they were clearly giving up slowly as we advanced more farther from them.
Then one of them took out something from his pocket, I was wondering what it could be?
I began to slow down, to see what they were up to. The one with the object brought it up to my face level and clicked it. I knew it had been a camera. Did they get a clear shot of me, I was close enough for a high density camera to take a clear image of my face. Hayden’s would be covered because he had been looking back but my face… if they found out who I was, then what do I do?
I didn’t look back after that, the men stopped and turned back to the way they came from. But I knew this wasn’t the last of them.
“Kevin we did it!” Hayden rejoiced but my face fell in agony.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure we’re fine, here take half,” He handed four of the bags to me but I stopped him. He carried a surprised feature in my refusal.
“Keep it, I have to go,” I pushed past him and left for home, I didn’t want to show up with stolen money.
“Kevin, what’s wrong, why the long face?” Rachel legitimately seemed worried as she touched my forehead in sighs of a fever.
“I’m fine,” I removed her caring hand from me. She seemed hurt by my action, I felt sorry as I hugged her so she won’t think I’m mad at her or something.
“It’s ok, I’m here,” She cooed, stroking my cheeks as she blushed Scarlet. I smiled, she always had me in a happy mood.
Maybe she’ll never know?
* * * * * * * *
“No,” She held her hand out to me as if I were an enemy. She found out eventually about me, the real me. Now, she demands that I leave her alone. I tried, I pleaded for her to stay but she left anyways… saying how much she hated my gut. Her child… my child… she had taken away that hint of hope from me.
I had ruled my whole life with just one mistake… just one mistake that had broken my heart and Rachels.
One mistake… destroyed everything.