Could Be!

Look at this tie. Do you think it goes with this shirt, my suit, these pants? Do they seem wrinkled to you? I don’t know why they couldn’t have stayed with the polyester, it never wrinkled. You could put it through a car wash, and it would come out looking like it just jumped off the rack.

Do you suppose that when this jacket gets wet… it’s supposed to rain you know. Will I begin to smell like an old sheep? I worry about things like that, because once I was accused of smelling fishy. It was a long time ago, but that kind of insult doesn’t leave your memory easily. Have you ever been accused of smelling like something, well something unpopular?

I know being popular isn’t, or shouldn’t be a concern, but you must admit it has an effect on you. When you are avoided I guess you can take it one of two ways, perhaps more, but for the sake of argument, let’s just say two. You are either in a realm so far above those around you that they can’t possibly relate, or that their perception of you is totally dependent upon possibly, that one stupid mistake you made. No need to go into which one, it only brings up bad memories and feelings.

Half the time any more, I don’t know which way to turn. Everything has gotten to a place where if you make a wrong turn, you can end up dead or wishing you were. 

Then there’s this thing about the world cookin us in our own juices. I don’t know much about it, but it seems we usually get what we have coming to us. Something to do with dying, and how we deserve it. Nothing new in that, we all know we are dying, just don’t know when. I guess that’s what keeps us from doing extreme things, even more stupid than the things we do anyway. 

But this is all becoming too depressing, we need to talk about something else.

What do you say we try and decide which one of us is the most likely to get elected president. I know I’m smart enough. Hell, after that last guy, my dog is smart enough. But you are prettier, even though you are a woman. Seems to be a negative thing as far as getting elected though, but then times have improved. Wasn’t that long ago you couldn’t even vote or own property. 

I can’t help but wonder if God changed his mind on things, or whether we have evolved to the point where if it is factual, it probably deserves some respectability. I don’t know that for sure, but then that seems to be the problem, nothing is for sure. 

Take happiness for instance. Guy told me one time you’ve got to make your own happiness, no one is going to do it for you. Or was that something about walking a lonesome road by yourself. I don’t know for sure, but do you think I could be slipping? By that I mean, I ain’t as young as I used to be, and they say we tend to forget as we age. 

I haven’t decided yet whether I believe that, or maybe we just forget because it’s easier than having to pretend we understand things we just don’t want to. Remember that guy Ronny Rhubarb, don’t think that was his real name, but what different does it make, anyway. We only get the name we are given, and it is hard to change it, because they always want to know why? I tried once to change my name, but got tired of filling out papers and pretending I could come up with a name that was a better fit. That ever happen to you?

You know, I been talking with you for quite some time, and you don’t seem to be joining in. Don’t you have anything to say? I get like that myself from time to time, but it usually passes. Something about communicating that keeps you sharp. Not that people have to agree with you, can’t hardly agree with myself most of the time. But you’ve got to try. 

I probably lost more debates with myself over the years than anyone. They told me when I was a kid it was because I was raised by Democrats. Well everyone back then was a democrat, or afraid to say they weren't, thirties depression and all. They said I looked too hard at things trying to figure out the right from wrong, and therefore never got around to deciding. That ever happen to you?

I knew a guy like that once, wasn’t me. He was smart as old Methuselah, but would spend half an hour deciding which sock to put on first. Always wore red socks so I don’t know what the problem was. It isn’t like there is a left or right. No, I think he was superstitious. You know superstitious people can’t find the right answer, because they never seem to remember which came first, the chicken or the egg. This guy he claims it didn’t matter which came first, but what did matter, was that you were considering the choice. 

I think what he was getting at was that he had forgotten which sock to put on first, and that kind of unsettled his morning, probably more than his morning. He spent a lot of time deciding, and I think that’s why he had trouble figuring out which is which, and what is what. We had a discussion one time about whether, two and two is four, or that it is just an assumption because that is what we've been taught to believe. Did it matter which of the twos came before the other? He was difficult to follow at times.

I couldn’t tell why that would even be part of the argument… discussion, but he seemed to think it was a critical element because of the periodic tables. I don’t know much about the periodic tables, but I suspect they have little to do with, which red sock has to be put on first, before two and two no longer add up to four. But then I could be wrong. I remember once, when I wasn’t wrong for nearly a whole day. You don’t forget things like that.

You planning on saying anything, or did I put you to sleep? Hello, Hello?

Hey, anyone here got an extra quarter; I think my phone needs something to keep it doing what it is supposed to be doing. But then there are a lot of things that are supposed to be doing something, but aren’t. 

Like I always say, blame it on the government, or the economy, can’t go wrong. No matter how people feel, they seem to be able to feel something for the government or the economy. Of course there is always religion, if that fails. Ah! A quarter. 

I thank you.  For what I can’t recall, but I’m sure I must owe someone, for something.

“Hello?”