Ps: I Miss You More

January 10, 2010

Hi Grammie!

Daddy told me to write you a letter because I miss you. He said we will come to visit you in the summer.  I learned how to ride a bike this week! Guess what? I can go with only one hand! That makes mommy scared, but I think it looks cool. I used the money you sent for Christmas to buy the bike. I drew a picture of it below, but it looks even better than that. Its pink, purple AND blue. It has stars on it.

Anyways, I hope you are doing well.

Love your favorite granddaughter,

Josie

Ps (daddy said that is what I should write if there was something I forgot to say) I miss you!

January 21, 2010

My dearest Josie,

Your letter has brightened my day. What a beautiful drawing! It sounds like you are enjoying the bike. Just be careful not to worry your mother too much.

I look forward to your visit. The Florida sun has been treating me good. Since moving down I have made some new friends. It can get a little lonely during the nights, but I am thinking about getting a cat. The only thing that is missing is your beautiful face.

I think you will like it down here. There is a community pool and a playground. I hear other children running around all the time.

I’ve enclosed some birthday money. I can’t believe that my precious granddaughter is going to be 10 years old! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you…I hope you have the happiest birthday. Mind your parents and be the good girl I know you are.

With all my love,

Grammie

Ps: I miss you more.

February 21, 2012

Hi Grammie!

You will never guess the exciting news that I have for you! Do you remember the science project I was working on? Well, you are hearing from the regional first place winner! As the winner I won a beautiful ribbon and a weekend getaway. Sadly, I can’t use that getaway to come visit you. It has to be local.

I also tried out for the school volleyball team. I didn’t make it. Dad says that’s okay, and that I should just try again next year. I’m not sure how much I really liked volleyball anyways. I think I want to play soccer. Problem is, if I play soccer this summer than we can’t come down to visit for long because we will be busy with practices and games. What do you think I should do?

Also I got a new outfit with the birthday money you sent. I got a dress for the valentine's dance. My first school dance! Mom printed off a picture for you so that you could see it. Don’t mind the hair – I fought with mom if I should have it straight or curled for the picture.

I hope you are doing well.

Love you lots,

Josie

Ps: I miss you most.

March 20^th, 2012

My dearest Josie,

Congratulations my smart girl. You have your grandfather’s brain.

Your dress looked amazing. I hope you enjoyed your time at the dance. I remember having a good time at the sock hops back in my day. That is how I met your grandfather.

I am just getting ready to disembark on a lady’s cruise. A bunch of elderly widows like me, for a 14 day trip to the Caribbean. My suitcase is filled with yarn and needles so expect a sweater to be shipped to you upon my return.

As much as I love to see you in the summers, I want you to chase your dreams. If that is playing soccer, than I want you to play soccer. We will find time to visit. Who knows, maybe I will make my way to visit you in the friendly north.

With all my love,

Grammie

Ps: It’s impossible to miss anyone as much as I miss you.

April 3, 2014

Dear Gram,

I have a secret to tell, and I wanted to tell you before I told anyone else (including mom and dad). Wyatt asked me out and I said yes! I have been trying to get him to notice me all year and he finally did! We went out to the movies. And then he held my hand! Mom and dad don’t know yet, and I’m not sure when I’ll tell them. This can be our little secret for now.

Speaking of romance? Has anything sprung on the horizon with Mr. Shaw next door? He was definitely making goo-goo eyes at you over Christmas.

Soccer season is getting ready to begin again which means I’m going to busy. I hope I get to see you soon.

Lots of love,

Josie

Ps: I still miss you.

May 18, 2014

My Sweet Josie,

I will keep your secret for now, but I know how happy your parents would be for you too. I am so proud of how amazing you are doing at soccer. I hope to make it out for a game this year.

Josie, remember, I am not interested in romance. My heart belonged only to your grandfather. Mr Shaw will have to be content with just making his “goo-goo eyes” as you called them.

I finally caved and got that cat. He is an orange tabby. I have named him Thomas, after that movie you and I always used to watch together. You will love him.

With all my heart,

Grammie

Ps: I still miss you more.

June 14, 2018

Happy 80^th Birthday Gram!

I hope that your day is filled with love and warmth and happiness. Also hoping this gets to you in time. I sent you a copy of my final transcript and my acceptance letter to the University of Toronto. It took some time for me to decide but that is my choice.

I love you Gram,

Josie

Ps: I miss you!

June 21, 2018

Dearest Josie,

 I know this doesn’t sound like much, coming from your dear old grandma, but I am so proud of you and all your accomplishments. You are off to amazing things my dear. Nothing in this world will be able to stop you.

I don’t think I’ll make it out before you leave for university. Just know how much I love you. I can’t wait to hear about your adventures.

With all my love,

Grammie

Ps: I miss your smile.

July 10, 2018

Hi Gram,

I think I have gotten everything I need for my dorm. I’ve been emailing back and forth with my roommate, and she seems nice enough. I’m glad that I got to know and talk to her before I move in with her. This way I know she’s not crazy…

It scares me to leave everything and everyone behind. I guess this is how you felt when you decided to move to Florida, huh? At least Florida is warm and has beaches. Maybe I should have applied to Orlando state. I could always transfer. Then we would be close together.

Dad said that you booked yourself another cruise. He said Mr. Shaw booked himself a cruise too. I know you said that you weren’t looking for romance, but it sounds like one is brewing.

Lots of love,

Josie

Ps: Miss your hugs.

August 20, 2018

My dearest Josie,

The cruise was an impulsive purchase, which I have now cancelled. I wasn’t thinking straight. Your father says that I have been making impulsive and irrational decisions as of late. He thinks my memory isn’t what it once was. Maybe it’s not. I often forget where I put my keys or what I was doing. But if I remember correctly (which I suppose is the big question), your father also did that too.

Thomas keeps trying to get out the door on me. He got under my foot the other day and I had a little stumble. My arm is bruised but I am okay.

Your father and aunt have been talking about moving me from the retirement community to a care home. I told them no. I’m not ready for that. And I have Thomas, he wouldn’t be able to go with me.

I wish you the best of luck during university. I know you will do great.

With all my love,

Grammie

Ps: I miss you so so much.

September 17, 2018

Hi Gram,

It only took two weeks, but I am finally settling in. All of my stuff is unpacked, and my roommate is amazing. Mom and dad have been calling every night. I think they miss having someone at home. I think I kind of miss being at home with them too.

Good call on cancelling the cruise. It looks like there was a nasty storm down that way. I would have been so scared if you were out on the water during that. Sounds like Thomas is getting restless. I packed in some cat nip – hopefully this will keep him occupied and not under your feet! Please be careful.

Soccer tryouts are this week! Wish me luck.

I love you,

Josie

Ps: I miss you, counting down the days until I can see you at Christmas.

October 9, 2018

Hi Gram,

I haven’t received your latest letter. I normally get it by now, I hope it didn’t go to mom and dads. Since you always respond, I know it must be on its way. I couldn’t wait though. I needed to tell you the good news.

I made the team!

It is rare to make it as a freshman, but I did it! I will most likely be on the bench most of the season, but it is still so exciting. The practices have been so much harder than they were in high school. I am exhausted by the end of the day. I will get someone to video my first game, and we can watch it when I come down to visit at Christmas.

I love you Gram,

Josie

Ps: I really miss you.

October 22, 2018

Gram,

I still haven’t heard from you. I called dad and he said my letters hadn’t gone there either. You haven’t answered his calls. He’s worried about you. So am I. Please give us a call so that we know you are okay.

I love you,

Josie

Ps: I miss you, please call us.

November 7, 2018

Hi Gram,

Dad told me that you are really sick and in the hospital. He said he didn’t think you would be released anytime soon. I hope this letter makes it to you there. Dad said that it doesn’t look good and that we should prepare ourselves. Gram, what happened? I thought you were doing okay.

Mr. Shaw is looking after Thomas until dad can get down there. I want to come too but dad told me not yet. He said I need to wait and try to finish out the semester.

I put in some of those coffee crisp bars because I know you like them. A little treat to pair with the awful hospital food.

I love you so much Gram.

Your favorite granddaughter,

Josie

Ps: I miss you and your letters

November 13, 2018

Sweetheart,

I didn’t want to worry you or your father. The prognosis doesn’t look good. My hand hurts too much to write, so I am dictating to this kind nurse who has agreed to get my letter sent off to you. I appreciate the chocolate you sent, but I haven’t had much of an appetite. It has worked as some pretty good bribery for the nurses. I am their favorite patient now.

Mr. Shaw has been in every day to provide updates about Thomas. He brings flowers too. You should see the state of the room. I think you were right about his feelings for me.

Stay at school and finish your semester. I will be okay. Your aunt will be coming here in a couple of days and I’m sure by the time you get my letter your father will already be here.

I love you so much, my special granddaughter.

With all my love,

Grammie

Ps: I miss you the most.

November 19, 2018

Hi Gram,

I’m glad that Mr. Shaw has been coming to visit you. It must be nice to have friendly faces around. I’m sure Thomas is being well taken care of. I only have a month left of school, but I will be there the moment I am done with my final exams. I can’t wait to see you, Gram.

Dad is giving me constant updates. Hang in there just a little bit longer.

Soccer is over for the year. We did okay, and I had a decent amount of playing time. Dad said he will show you some videos of my games.

Take care Gram. I love you lots.

Josie

Ps: I miss you more than anything.

November 25, 2018

My sweet granddaughter,

Your father is helping me get all my affairs in order. I’m trying to hold on as long as I can. The only thing I want is to see your face again. I am counting down the days. The nurses are doing their best to help with the pain. Please don’t worry about me my angel. I know what is coming and I am at peace.

Study hard and ace your exams. I know you can do it.

With all of my heart,

Grammie

Ps: Until I see your smile again, I will miss you

December 7, 2018

Gram,

I write my final exam a week from today and then I am on my way out. Let’s see if I beat my letter there.

I can’t wait to see you.

I love you,

Josie

Ps: I will see you soon!

*

On December 31st, instead of being out partying or ringing in the new year with friends, Josie was curled up on her grandmother’s couch. Thomas cuddled in on her lap as she flipped through and old photo album. They had just returned from the funeral and burial. Her grandmother had wanted to be buried in the Florida sun. So that is what they did. It was a huge turnout. All these years, Josie had never realized just how many lives her grandmother had touched. Over 200 people had shown up from all over the nation.

Josie wasn’t sure what to do anymore. She was glad that she had made it in time to see her grandmother again. To hold her hand and comfort her. But now she just felt empty and shattered.

There had been so much that she wanted to tell her grandmother that she didn’t have the words for. Her first break up, a broken heart, sneaking out of the house, getting chased by campus security… Finally returning to church after years away. These were all things she wanted to tell her Grammie, but she had never been able to write them down. And now she would never be able to say them out loud.

Josie’s mother sat down on the couch beside her. “How are you doing?”

Josie shrugged; she didn’t think she would ever have words to describe how she was feeling. Tears began to sting her eyes, and she shook her head, distracting her attention with the orange tabby on her lap, running her fingers through his fur.

“Sweetheart,” her mom put an arm around Josie, rubbing her shoulder. “Your grandmother loved you so much. She didn’t want you to be in pain.” All Josie could do was nod. Her mother kissed Josie on the forehead and stood up, telling her to try and get some sleep.

After about 20 minutes Josie began to move again. She nudged Thomas off her lap and stood up, closing the photo album and going to return it to the shelf. But Thomas was intent on wrapping himself around her feet. Josie stumbled and dropped the album but caught it right before it hit the floor, as she did an envelope slipped out and drifted to the carpet. Her grandmothers handwriting twinkled up at her and Josie could make out her name on the envelope. A letter.

Hesitantly, Josie picked the letter up and turned to sit back down at the couch. Thomas immediately took his position back on her lap. This was a letter her grandmother had never sent. With a shaky hand, she opened what was her grandmother’s final letter.

December 1, 2017

My dearest Josie,

If you are reading this then it means that I am gone. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, but I do know my heart breaks at the thought of having to leave you behind. I suppose I have a bit of a confession to make. I know that I am sick, and the doctors told me I had between 6 months to two years. I don’t want to tell you or my children. I don’t want any of us to wonder when my expiration date will approach or pester me to try medication that will ruin my quality of life.

It pains me to hold this from you, but I think of your sweet smile and how you always embrace me with love, and I feel better. Josie, my sweet granddaughter, I have always seen myself in you. In your determination, kindness, and spirit. I need you to know that I am not scared. This is just the start to a new beginning.

I will always love you. I have been so proud to be your grandmother.

With all of my heart,

Grammie,

Ps: No matter where I go or what happens next, I will always miss you more.

*

Fresh tears fell and collided with the page, mixing with the stains of tears previously shed. Josie held the letter tightly, holding on to her grandmother’s last words. Grammie, I think I miss you more.