Brenda with something on her chest

At night in the room, a man gets chill from his old flames when he finally realizes he's safe.

I spend most of my time here, people think I'm a loser. I know it's the matter of point of view.

But no worries, I don't put any hate on any of them.

I just stimulize my brain to do anything I can so I can sleep at night. Sleep is the most important thing to me, you can feel your back has cold feeling and echoes your mind in night dream.

Next time I wake up with fresher air, this is what I mean, brothers.

Some secrets I know that probably none of you knows it.

"Hey Clemens, time to wake up."

"Yes, mom."

This is the first time I put my mom in my book, I already have peace in my mind. I thought myself as a baby kitten or puppy, or seal. Look how vulnerable they are with their mommies.

I already know the facts that boys oftenly spend time with their mothers, while girls in somekind of love with their dad.

The ironic things we men make jokes about who's being mommy's boy.

I arrive at school on 8 am when everyone pack their bags, I know I miss some things there. Unlike most of the people, I always think this place which have four walls as vacational building.

Come on man, you can't be so serious about this huge ass building you can step back to the wall, and lean on it.

"Hey Ferris." This one kid with huge front teeth I often kissed at middle school. We don't afraid of being intrepreted as lover. We love each other very well.

We only have few kids around the block, our street-smarts ethics which no one can resist, not even jackals jocks around here.

"Where is the window?" I often do everything fast since something in my mind keeps asking for reasurrance whenever I do something slow.

"No, let's lay on the grass." Ferris always do the opposite, he keeps everything slow and tidy. I know this kind of thing since I was 16, I know very well my own mind, both their advantages and the opposite. But there are some weakness on it.

I easily to get tired before I do something in a rush messy way, even everytime I write I think about a wrong word and think whether I should change it or not, and feel guilty for think too long. That's why by stick together, we are unstopable.

"How long we can lay on this grass?" "Relax man, I still see my sun to lingering my pants." I love heat, but I hate the stratch feeling afterwards, or heat without do anything. "Ferris, ants are biting my skin." "Don't be a douchebag, they all want food."

This is one of the fact I don't know about; People see on the screen every two characters lay on the grass, thinking how relax they are. They forget the ants are bite them, and they pretend to smile to get paid.

"By the way man, how do you get so buff this month?"

"Resting in the room, do some pushups, least 30 since you know what I mean."

I don't want to lie, this is my own way, the hard way.

Floor is my best fried, cold floor and everytime I touch it. Sometimes I add some ritual by pour some water and being naked, more secrets even magazine cover boy won't notice.

"You realize people being so phony, man?" I ask Ferris for advice, though I know he leaves me speechless and I weirdly love it.

"You'II see."

"Let's steal the panties in the women's locker room." "What now, Clemens?" "To get some wisdom." Ferris already know my habit to keep life tingling. I even do my routine without stigmatized with stereotypical. I'm not a jock, I read books and play with my body and all strings at the same time.

I already know all the tricks, and I don't need to explain.

I already get one, this one is black and I love it. I smell it so I can put it on my bedroom.

"Come on Clemens, we get to class."

Here we come, we never ditch class, we think all subjects as psychedelic substances.

This one the chemical class.

"Hey Ferris, let's pour that substance to Brenda's chest."

"You serious man?"

"Every lesson need some hard experiment to be understood."

"Agghhh, mr Hottenwaser!" I can feel her moan and I know she loves it.

"Clemens, you out!"

"Just to add some of your boring experiment, sir. We need a real subject."

"What did you just say boy?"

"I said, we need a real subject."

"Ohh so you think the woman is the subject? A harmless woman?"

"How about the playboy magazine you just read, sir?

"You are very impolite, mr Anderson. I will call your parent."

"As you wish, mein-fuhrer."

Colleagues think I try to act cool and such, but I pour them bitter truth. There will be more human as subject, no more rabbit, no more owl.

"You're the man, Clemens?"

I wish Ferris didn't think it this way, I swear on my cereal box, I never try to act tough. That's the least dumb man can do. Act badass and suffer for women, then die before them, let them laugh and being understood.

The class are gone, me and Ferris go outside for lunch.

"Hey Brenda, gives me your hot water." "Ohh ok, let me cook your cereal."

"That's it, good girl."

Ferris left shocked, I let him to process it.

She's gonna come with me, and she knows she craves for me.

"Brenda, how's your chest?" "Feeling better, thanks for the alcohol you gave?"

"You pour her with alcohol man, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Just to add some tension Ferris, look at her know, full clean and pleased eyes. "Yes, thank you Clemens."

"What the hell just happen man, I don't get it."

"You will."

I don’t want to become anyone’s mentor, it’s too ridiculous.

But I learnt few things back then.

Never involve in any school program, instead the formal one.

Never apply for any leadership contest, made it yourself.

Ferris still don’t know yet about the bushes I use as my house. Pack of woods and toilet seat are there. “Do you think I will get help, Ferris?”

“What do you mean, man. You always the one who have the idea.”

“It’s not always as it seem.”

I don’t want to be honest. Vulnerability equals death.

“Anyway forget it, remember an old man said, ‘shove it down’.”

“Sure man.”

A huge wisdom I wish I knew earlier. Bunch of money collector with mind reading skills promotes it, but it’s just a noise.

“Want to clean the floor?” Ferris won’t asked, he knows how I have fun with things already there. Mopping floors, clean the shell, and waxing.

“You sure want to have a stroke?” “Not on my chest you prick.”

Dirtiness is my art, I create it, I strive for it. Countless papers, old papers I can use as a blanket to sleep. I write, I draw, I make a plan.

“You sure have a big head, aren’t you?”

No I don’t I have to survive.

“You earn money from this?

“Just to pay some hotdogs and cheese.”

We are huge believer of non picker food, anything is possible.

“That thing still used?”

He points out at a videogame tape.

“No it won’t work.”

So I don’t know what to write in this story anymore. It has more than thousand words without I expected, and I just keep get along with my head, knowing no more humans like to read.

And so can you!

We both sleep and you will never know what happen next.

No I’m just joking, there will be story about Brenda and how I use my advantage on her.

See you soon man, don’t forget to breathe.