My Lamar Loves Me

 My Lamar Loves Me

                    As told by Ethel May Jones

Written By

RoseMary Covington Morgan

Eastern Arkansas

November 1, 1936

I know y’all gon’ think I’m crazy but I ain't. No way. This stuff did happen. It happen yesditty and some o’ it happen most er’day since they say my Lamar died.

You see, Lamar is my husband. He ain't the kinda husband that beat you, gave you babies you didn’t wan’, and then, talk bad about you if you got even a l’il bit fat. 

No, my Lamar loves me. He loves me in the best kinda way. In the smiles, kisses, and “Baby, you look good” kinda way.

So, I weren’t surprised when he hung ‘round me even after they start sayin’ he were dead. He be near me most er’day. At first, he didn’ talk. He just sit wi’ me while I eat. Walked wi’ me to the store. Follow me to church. He didn’ come into the church. If he did that, I’d think something was wrong.

Some nights, I  wake up and there he was, lying right next to me. I’d just cuddle up next to him and listen for his heartbeat. Of course, there weren’t no heartbeat. Lamar’s suppose to be dead. Five years dead.

The graveyard is behind the church and sometime when I ain't seen him for a while, I go to the spot where they buried his box. I know he ain't there. Folks kinda look at me funny 'cause I don’ bring no flowers or say no prayers. But I don’t know what they got in that box, cause my Lamar still walked on top of the earth, not below it.

People think it was a bit strange when I weren’t all to’e up after he died. But, how kin I be upset when he ain't gone no place? Lamar be my secret.

***

I ain't tole nobody ‘til my sistah says, “Ethel (that’s me, Ethel May Jones), “Why ain't you been cryin’. I know you miss him. Y’all were so close you must think part of you is in that box wit’ him.”

Do I tell her? Uh uh. She my sistah but she talk too much. I just say, “I do miss him, Clara (that’s my sistah‘s name, Clara Jean Bell), but he ain't in no box an’ he don’ wan' me goin’ ‘round crying all the time. Or actin’ like Miss Fanny Wilson, so sad she cain't even come to church.”

Clara just nodded her head an’ went on doin’ wha’ she was doin’ ‘til I was ret to leave. Then she say, “Cousin William come round the other day.” her voice got real low and she say, “Cousin William say you gotta boyfriend. Cousin William say you poisoned Lamar so you could be with yo’ new man.”

“Now, Clara Jean Bell,” I used all her name cause’ I were upset. “That be a stupid thing to say and you know it.”

“Yes, sistah, I know it.”

“Well, did you tell him? Cousin William always makin’ trouble. You need to say sumpin’.”

“I was ‘bout to call him a lie ‘til he say he heard that from Pastor Joe. You know that means lotsa folks been talkin’ and think it's true.”

“Why they just now talkin’?”

“Well, Cousin William say some folks be thinkin’ that fo’ a long time. First, they waitin’ to see maybe you got some money but, when they see you ain't got no money, they think you got a boyfriend.

“Who’s the boyfriend?”

“Don’t nobody know ‘cause he left when he learn you ain’t got no money. 

“Sound like it could be true, Ethel May. You need to seem sorry.”

That’s when I tole her. “I ain't’ kill Lamar 'cause he ain't dead. Ya’ll jus' wan’ to think he dead cause ya’ll be jealous that Lamar a good man. He waitin’ fo’ me outside. He didn’ come in cause he hate you. Always did.”

Lamar was waitin’ fo’ me when I come outta Clara’s house. I tole him wha’ had happen. He shook his head and spoke to me for the first time in five years. “You should’na tole her nuttin. Now she gon’ run tell Cousin William and he gon’ think you so crazy that you maybe did kill me.

“Wha’ should I do, Lamar? If they could only see you an’ you could talk to ‘em, that’ll set ‘em straight.”

“Ethel, you know better. I just started talkin’ to you. It takes a lot outta me to speak. If I one day jus’ appeared and started talkin’, I would scare people and they might die.”

He didn’ say nuttin’ else for a coupla weeks.

***

It was raining when Cousin Willie Mae came to visit. Cousin Willie Mae an’ Cousin William got the same Daddy. Anyway, her clothes were soaked. She said she didn’ have enough time to let ‘em dry by the fireplace, so she stood in the middle of my clean floor and dripped water.

She said, “Pastor woulda come, but he didn’ wan' to get wet. so I thought I should be the one to come since we friends and family.” She took a deep breath and started lookin’ at the wet floor before saying, “Pastor Joe thinks we should have a seance and ask Lamar if you kilt him.”

I almost fell faint. Why would Pastor Joe do such a thing? Isn’t a seance devil work? I looked at Lamar. He just sat in his favorite chair doin’ nuttin' and shruggin’ his shoulders up and down.

Cousin Willie Mae had more to say. “Pastor invited that Vodoo woman that moved here from South Carolina last year to do the seance. She say the dead be talkin’ to her.”

“I’ll be there. Should be interestin’.” I said. “But, Lamar won’t be there 'cause he ain't dead.”

Lamar laughed his silent laugh.

 Willie Mae said, “Saturday night at seven or as soon as it git dark. The Vodoo woman say it need to be dark. We gon meet at her house.” Willie Mae said that and left. Her clothes dripped water on my floor all the way out the door. She a selfish woman who need a payback.

***

The Vodoo Woman’s house didn’ look spooky at all. It was painted purple. Purple look funny on a house but it be my favorite color. A pretty screen porch were all ‘round the front of the house. The walkway had some kinda bushes with white flowers making me sneeze. The Vodoo woman must make a lotta money cause it look to be the best house on the block.

They were all seated ‘round a long table with a picture of Jesus in the middle. Unlit candles be all o’er the place. I got there late on purpose. I needed all those dummies calling me the killa o’ my not dead husband to look me in the eye wit they lyin’ self. 

Cousin William was there. So were Cousin Willie Mae. Pastor Joe sat next to the Vodoo woman.  His wife was there, too. The Vodoo woman’s daughter, Magic, came in a little after me and took the chair on my right. Clara sat on my left and tried to hold my hand. I snatched it back.

The Vodoo Woman moved Jesus’ picture so he were lookin’ right at me.

Although it was still light outside, the room were already dark. It be scary cause o’ the heavy red curtains o’er the windows and no light nowhere. It was so dark I almost didn’ see two lady church ushers dressed in their black uniforms and white gloves sittin’ in the corner. They musta come wit Pastor Joe. At first, I thought they be devils.

After everyone was sittin’ down, Magic got up and started lightin’ all the candles. One by one ‘til the room was bright and more scary then when it was dark. The Vodoo woman jumped from her seat raised her arms and tole us to hold hands. She yelled, “Lamar Jones, come forth. Come forth and speak to yo’ wife. Ask her to tell us why she kilt you.”

After she said that, she flopped down in her seat and grabbed Pastor Joe’s hand on one side and his wife on the other.

Outta nowhere, slow, sad drummn’ started. Then a firecracker blew and we all start looking scairt. Next, somethin’ wrapped in white sheets come dancin’ outta the corner of the room. It was shakin’ its hips, waving its arms, and comin’ at me. 

I don’ know what er’body else was doin’, but I figured it was ‘bout time to go home. I didn’ move fast enough. What-er-it-be were standin o’er me.

It had whitewash all o’er its face ‘cept for its eyes and mouth. Its eyes had charcoal drew all 'round them and its mouth had charcoal smeared all 'round it too.

It put its hands, covered wi’ black lace gloves, on my shoulders and pushed me down in my seat. Then it said, “Ethel Mae Jones, why did you kill me? Why did you kill yo’ lovn’ husband? The Lord wants to forgive you but you gotta tell the truth.”  All of a sudden, I heard a sumpin' sound like thunder.

Jesus’ picture fell face down on the table

I started laughing. Weren’t no way that was Lamar. Even a dead Lamar woul’nt be lookin’ like that.

I didn’ much git my thought out befo’ Pastor Joe started shaking then jumping around the room. Then Cousin William started movin’ his head ‘round in circles. Cousin Willie Mae fell to the ground kicking her feet, peein’ on herself, and talkin’ in tongues. The ushers run over to calm them but, they start jumpin’ ‘round, too.

The Vodoo Woman were still sittin’ at the table lookin’ too disgusted to move. Magic were sittin’ next to me, stiff as a board. The thing in the sheets ran back to where it come from.

I didn’ know if the evil spirit or the holy spirit possessed that room but, I grabbed my sistah’s hand and ran out the door. We raced away from the house. The flowers on the bushes made us sneeze all the evil spirits outta us.

We run all the way to Clara’s house befo’ we stopped sneezing. I tole Clara I needed to git home ‘cause Lamar were there waitin’ on me. 

Clara said, “I know you tellin’ the truth, Sistah. I always did. Tell Lamar I’m sorry I were so mean. I won’ call him dead no mo’. Ask him to stop hatin’ me.”

***

He was standin’ there as soon as Clara went in her house. One look at me and he was laughin’ like I ain't seen in more then five years.

“How’d you do that?” I ask him.

“Well, I got lotsa new spirit friends an’ they helped me out.”

That’s when I know Lamar really not livin’ no mo’. He ain't have no spirit friends hangin’ ‘round when he was livin’. Dead people have spirit friends. I started to cry, hoop, an' holla.

“I be dead, Ethel, but I cain't ever leave you. I be wit’ you until you wan’ me to leave. Which I hope ain't evea. I love you too much to leave you alone.”

I could feel Lamar’s spirit hugging me and I decided it were fine he be dead as long as he be still with me.

We walked to my house an’ I fixed dinner. Lamar sat in his chair and watched me eat.