Thoughts for Five Dollars

We met online, which is what I usually tell people when they ask. Most people are content with that answer, but a curious few will prod and ask more questions, like "Was it tinder or plenty of fish?"

And then I'll sigh, look off into the distance as if remembering a romantic first date, look at the questioner with sincerity and say,

"I hopped into a party chat, and he was in it."

Eyes usually widen at this, and nine times out of ten, they have no clue what I mean. Maybe they'll place a hand underneath their chin, begging for me to elaborate 

Some may call our meeting Destiny or fate, but our meeting was not so philosophical or provident, and I'll elaborate on this later.

Let me now talk about the prompt, of how I've kept this “unusual friendship” from my family.

For a long time, I told no one of our encounters in fear that people will look at me like I had five heads or think I'm adventurous. The truth is quite the contrary. I was very well in my comfort zone when we met in person.

I remember it quite clearly. I was slaving away at my mall kiosk job, the ones that are neatly lined between storefronts. It paid next to nothing, but the extra cash helped with gas and college book rentals. This was when I received a text in a group chat saying that he would be at the mall that day, and wanted to come meet me.

I know what you're thinking, I should have called the police or mall security, since we had never met in person before. For all I know he could be an ax murderer. Maybe I should have shown more self-perservation and objected to it. Perhaps I was a bit more adventurous back then.I figured we had been talking for at least six months at this point, and there was that one mutual friend we had in common.  Plus, we were in the middle of a busy mall, so if he tried anything crazy, I would have witnesses.

I couldn't believe it when I saw him. I mean, I knew what he looked like on Facebook prior to this, but I just couldn't fathom the fact that I was seeing an online persona in the flesh, a weird manifestation of a voice behind a screen.  Everything was awkward for just a second before he opened his mouth and said,

"You're not as pretty as your Facebook picture." 

I was taken aback, but I wouldn't say I was shocked. You see, this was the online persona, the tongue-in-cheek, foot-in-mouth idiot who was known for online debates for no reason. I wasn't really surprised by this greeting, so I said back,

"Well, at least I don't look like you."

I know some people may have found this rude and probably would have told him off. Now when I look back, I realize that we were so immature then. Like children teasing their crush because they secretly liked them, or so he says.

And that’s how we first met. It isn’t rom-com material, and I sure as heck wouldn’t have mentioned this to friends or family, how could I, they probably would call the police or psychiatric hospital. 

I don't think we started liking each other until a long while later. So perhaps I'll move on to when we started dating. It started with the non-stop texts, the endearing teases, and witty bantering about stupid things I can't even remember now. All I can recall is constantly checking my phone with a smile plastered on my face. And then, he would bring me lunch, or eye drops when I asked. My contacts got really dry back then, that's why I rarely wear them now.

What sparked our relationship was when he asked me to go see a movie, as friends of course, and I obliged. I don't remember what movie it was, and I should have felt offended since his then girlfriend stood him up. But we had grown close then, so I saw no harm in watching a movie together. 

Anyways, movies led to dinner, and dinner led to late night conversations, and conversations led to pulling all-nighters to talk to each other in my car (I was the one with the car back then) until the sun came up.

Looking back, I realize how precious those moments were, how a mundane conversation could last for hours on end, god knows what we were even talking about but the dialogue flowed naturally, almost like we had known each other in past lives. We just sat side by side in the driver and passenger seat talking and laughing. And even when it was well into the night, we didn’t want to stop. He would drive me to my parked car instead of letting me take the subway home. This was an extra hour drive for him, and he never seemed to mind it.

After a while, the foot-in-mouth act slowly receded, and the real him came out, the one who didn't hide behind laughter and jokes, the one who was vulnerable and craved connection, the one who pretended to be mean but would give the clothes off his back if I asked.

We were kids back then, both learning the world around us, both searching for a purpose, both wanting to feel loved and desired, and in our friendship, something we weren't quite ready for blossomed.

And I still never told my family or friends. You see, back then I was a full-time college student with a 3.8 GPA, projected to graduate magna cum laude, full of inspiration and ambition. And he was flying by the seat of his pants, living for the moment, "YOLO-ing" they used to call it. So, I knew it would be a hard pill for my family to swallow.

Then, I decided it was time to end it before anything even began. As much I had grown to love him, I was sure we weren't compatible in the long run. I was a girl obsessed with the future, and he was a boy living in the moment, and how could those two things ever cross? I broke my own heart; I thought that was the mature thing to do, and I remember crying about it a lot. 

We stopped talking for a few weeks, I think. Until one day, he told me he signed up to get his GED. He said would take night classes at the community college. He assured me that we had a future together, and he would make it happen no matter what. He asked for my trust, and against my better judgment, as if it were a prayer, I let myself fall hard with no safety net for the first time in my life.

I look back at those memories now of when we were two kids trying to make it, two people turning puzzle pieces to fit together. I remember the girl who always focused on the future, and the boy who reminded her to let her hair down and live in the moment, the one who showed me there was more to life than completing that next milestone.

Some stories end sad because there are some people who come into your life to teach you a lesson. They come and show you a different world, and you part ways after learning that particular lesson.

I'm thankful though, that ten years later that lesson stuck around. And the boy is now a man, and that man is my husband. He's made good on his promises and my family has finally accepted him as a part of ours.

Sometimes love is about finding the perfect compromise, the other piece of the puzzle you didn't know you needed. Sometimes love is trusting the process and believing your gut or taking the chance and learning to let go.

So, when people ask me how we met, I say Online, or rather Destiny,

the video game by Bungie studios from 2014. (Though I wouldn't recommend it now. It sucks)