Too Many To Count

She sat alone on the familiar park bench. It was her favorite place to think and hopefully settle matters of the heart.

Today, this particular matter seemed to be getting increasingly difficult to settle. As far back as she could remember, it had always been her plan, dream, and wish. As a little girl, she would sit on daddy's lap, wrap her tiny arms around his neck, and with the brightest of eyes and pure adoration proudly proclaim, "daddy, when I get to be a big girl, I am going to marry you." Life had been so simple then. She outgrew that, but she had never outgrown the plan. Her first kiss was going to be the I do forever wedding one. Time passed. She had thoroughly enjoyed her high school years. Plenty of opportunities presented themselves to test the plan. But she had stood strong and carefully guarded her heart. It was the best design for her life.

Now, halfway through college, he walked into her Literature class, and with absolute certainty, into her life to stay. Oh, how she loved him. Being in the same room with him or even just thinking about him brought out all the normal and natural God given desires and completely turned her to mush. No longer was the plan one bit easy. There were days when she was getting pretty sure that it just was not going to be attainable. The issue on the bench today was, did it really matter anyway? Was it just a silly childish thing? Maybe it was just the story book prince on a white horse kind of life version that she had made up for herself. Was it even important, anymore?

She had no idea how long she had been sitting on that bench. And she really could not say that it was some major earthquake or tornado type event - just a quiet heart one. There, in the gentle breeze with the sun on her face, that heart matter was settled once for all. It may not have been important to anyone else in the universe. They could all say she was crazy, old fashioned, and needed to start living in the real world. It did not matter about any of that. It had always been and was even more important to her now. To them. That first kiss on their wedding day was going to be her special gift to him. One that only she could give. One that came with a whole heart ribbon and card that in her mind said, "saved just for you, my love.

The day finally came. Some usual glitches, but her one word description of her wedding day was perfect! The pastor said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." And he did. And she presented that saved special precious gift. So began a lifetime of kisses.

To say that they were all wonderful sounds much like a tiring over exaggeration of romance. But, again, to her that is exactly what they were. Oh, there were lots and lots of the obvious, usual, and expected variety. Incredible honeymoon. Anniversaries. Date nights. A million leaving for work and honey, I am home ones. Predictable.

But tonight, she was most remembering a different variety. Unexpected and unpredictable.

The labor was so long and so hard. The kiss that said, "You can do this, honey." It took more than one of those for sure. And then, he is here! He is a miracle! He is perfect! We are a family. Kisses in abundance. First, lots for her. Next, lots and lots for the precious, squirming tiny bundle of blessing. Then, lots and lots for her again. There was even one for the nurse's cheek.

It was move in day to their new larger home. " It was only right that all thresholds be traditional," he had said. She had hesitantly agreed. So, he gallantly scooped her up with the intent of carrying her over the threshold. Such a good plan until he stumbled. They tumble on to the floor of the new house. They just laid there laughing until their sides ached. The nope we are not going to try that again kiss. The welcome home kiss.

She was very grumpy. That fever blister had made her mouth so sore, red, and swollen. She was miserable. Baby girl had now joined the family. Her little heart of compassion knew that something needed to be done about "mommy's gumpeees." So, she said, "daddy, kiss mommy's boo boo and make all buter." He did and it did.

The blown kisses all around as he pulled out of the driveway to take the kids to school. And another how many blown when he would leave to do a little fishing?

The kisses at Christmas when they would turn out the lights, admire their decorating handiwork, and celebrate the One Who had come to set them free.

The "I am so sorry I forgot" kiss. Try as she might, she could not seem to remember what it was that he had forgotten.

There were those evenings when they would turn the music up loud (louder they would cry) and dance with the kids until they were all pooped. Tickles, giggles, and kisses all around. And those just the two of them dancing kisses.

The "do not worry" as he left kiss. " I will call you as soon as I get there." She did. He did. Telephone kisses.

Hmmm. You burned the meat loaf again. The "what kind of pizza should we order?" kiss.

Sitting on the sofa. One eye on the clock. Ears straining to hear the welcome and relieving sound of the kids getting home. The "they are going to be just fine" kiss. She had upped the quota for sure with all of those.

"If you do not hurry, we are going to be late." How many dozens of times did that even happen? Aaaah, this dress makes me look so frumpy. "Wow!" and the kiss that followed. Frumpiness gone again.

Those memories faded, and not so distant ones came to mind. All those celebration kisses. So, so many. The isn't life grand with grandkids variety.

"Good job, grandma. It is a beautiful cake. They will love it! Images of dinosaurs, trains, bunnies, cookie monsters, and others paraded by in her mind. All those yummy icing kisses.

What had she been thinking? Those corner cobwebs were driving her to distraction. Why could it have possibly mattered so much? She just had to ignore what he said and get on that ladder. Emergency room worried kisses. Diagnosis. Yep, the hip was broken. Many days of painful and tiring therapy and rehabilitation. Many more kisses. The ones that said, "Come on, babe. Just a few more steps today. I will be right here beside you." The they were cracking up kisses. He said all he could find to surprise her with were those farm animal balloons to tie on her walker. Really???? Healing kisses.

Whew. We are "sosted." Little person language for exhausted, and yes, we were. Another best day ever kind of tired day. They had thought life was grand with the grands. It was. True. Life was double great with the greats. Diminutive, amazing, heart melting surprises. Sweet slobbery kisses all around. And the welcome good night kisses for the "sure not as young as we used to be" contented couple.

Not to mention all the just because variety sprinkled through the years.

Just a routine visit to the doctor for a check-up. Nothing more. Wrong. Dreadful diagnosis. Are you absolutely sure? Numbness. Nothingness. But the familiar peace was there. He was holding them in His Mighty Hands and would never leave them. Treatments. No change. More pain. Weakness. Frailty. She had tried to be so strong for him. And yet, how could it possibly be? Every single tear she cried, he had wiped with those "we are going to walk every single step of this journey together holding hands, and with the Lord's help, we will finish well" variety of kisses.

Now, as she sat in that rigid uncomfortable hospital chair by his bedside, the memories just kept coming. Comforts they were. Softly feathering through and as quiet as falling snow - all the while SCREAMING just one more kiss, please.

There was one more. She held that sweet, wrinkled, kind, tired face in her hands. With tears all blended together, two hearts that had been one for a lifetime shared their last kiss. His stopped. Her broke. Broken but not shattered. The silence in the room was deafening. But she heard and recognized the gentle comforting whisper of the Lord. Through the eyes of faith, she could see God's true promises as if they were taking place right there in that room. This horrible pain like she had never felt before was temporary. She would see him again. They would one day be home together. The forever home not made with human hands. The home of no more tears. The home where they would never have to say good- bye again. Even better than kisses!!!!!

Days had followed days. They had turned into week, months, and years. They had all passed too quickly. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Scary days. Happy days. Sad days. All the "ordinary" days in between. First to last. They had a;; been wrapped up in colorful ribbons of kisses. Some, bold and bright. Some, soft and muted. Every one of them "simple" little love gifts they had given to each other. Yet so big. So wonderful. TOO MANY TO COUNT!