Man Down

"Dear God" someone screamed

"The man's been shot dead" another continued.

The man laid lifeless on the floor of the bank. The receptionist whose feet were now stained with blood shrieked in horror. A woman fainted. The briefcase filled with cash the man had been holding fell tragically out of his hands and slid open. No one dared touched it. No one dared take a single dollar. How could they, the thieves hadn't and there was at least a mil in that case. But they hadn't made a move at it. The gunman pulled the trigger at point blank range. The bullet pierced through his head into his brain. He was dead even before he hit the ground. Blood was everywhere. Literally everywhere you looked there was a dash of red. The pregnant woman's purse by the right. The old man's shoes by the left, the kid's toy aeroplane by the extreme of the counter. There was no escaping it.

Everyone looked on with dismay. No one dared move a muscle. The silence in the room after the alleged robbers had walked in alone could have killed the man. There was terror in each set of eyes. Deep terror and surprise. It had happened so fast only a few people had gotten a glimpse. The large able bodied men came out of no where. They were five no four maybe six. No one had counted. No one thought the men mattered and they hadn't until one of them swiped a gun from his back pocket and shot the man dead. They were so quick. A few people hadn't even seen them come in, even fewer had seen the man retrieve the gun but one thing remained certain everyone had heard the shot. Everyone had seen the blood from the mans head splatter all over the once clean floor tiles, everyone's finger tips twitched. The entire bank stared at the dead man laying face up with his mouth wide open in shock. Even he hadn't seen it coming. Not a single soul had gotten the clear picture of what really happened.

I'd seen it. I'd seen everything and did nothing. I watched the man die and a part of me die with him yet I stood there and told myself there was nothing I could do. Right?... I couldn't have done anything could I?. The questions raced through head. My mind was enveloped in guilt. I watched an innocent man die and looked the other way. I could've saved him but I watched him take a bullet. I as good as killed him. He was probably a good man. He probably didn't deserve it. He probably had a wife and two kids at home waiting for his phone call to assure them he was coming home tonight. He wasn't. Not anymore. Daddy wasn't coming home, not now or ever again. And it was my fault. I could've... No should've averted the crisis.

No, no need to blame yourself the voice in my head insisted. It was right. I wasn't guilty. I hadn't pulled the trigger someone else did. They're the ones who are guilty. After all I didn't know. There was no way I could've known, was there?

********

The day of the murder had started like any other day with Rex waking everybody up dragging about shirts and shoes. Since his injury it had been like this for a while, limping about the house a funny sight, sometimes whimpering and barking at his reflection in the mirror. I remember Jonas shouting at him earlier that morning, for destroying yet again another one of his shoes. He held it up with his right hand making sure Rex was looking at it, he would point at him with the left and yell at him using simple words like bad dog and no Rex, words he was sure he would understand. After yelling he would pat his back gently and disappear into his room to hide the rest of His undamaged clothes.

I woke up from a nightmare as I often did. My eyes weary, my face soggy from crying in my sleep, Lizzy stroking my hair lightly telling me everything would be okay. I didn't believe her, not for a second and deep down beneath her warm smile and assuring eyes she knew I didn't but there was nothing either of us could do. It was better than telling me I was doomed to have nightmares about my parents dying in an accident for the rest of my life. Basically anything could suffice to that. Lizzy wasn't convincing but she put in effort and it was enough to keep me out of therapy and get me out bed every morning. 

I crawled out of bed with obvious help from Lizzy. I knew what to do from there. After she shut my room door I reluctantly slipped out of my pajamas and took a shower.

********

I walked out of the bank with skin paler than snow itself. I met questioning stares, whispers, some even pointed at me. In there eyes I looked like someone that had seen death. They had no clue, no idea really. Not only had i stared it in the face, I had challenged it, insulted it, dared it to do something to kill someone. How could I have been so clueless so selfish.

I had managed admits tears to rummage threw my bag for my keys. Everything was so blurry. But I doubted my vision would have been clear even if I wasn't crying. I finally found it and opened the door slowly as if scared. I was scared to enter into my own home. But it wasn't the house that scared me it was what could be inside. What if the dead man was in there, waiting for me to walk in so he could shake his head at me, to probably glare at me in disappointment for letting him die for turning a blind eye and sentencing him to death. Or maybe one of the robbers. They wanted to thank me personally for aiding and abetting their crime. For looking the other way and assisting to sign an innocent man's death warrant. They could be in there, holding out their hand for me to retrieve a handshake. How could I? What had I done?

After a long disturbing argument with myself I opened the door and walked in cautiously. With trembling hands I turned on the TV. The news had already made headlines man shot dead in supposed bank robbery. The words struck a nerve. With fear in my heart I turned up the volume. The lady's voice on the TV was so calm. Of course it was. Why wouldn't she be calm. She wasn't there. She didn't know anything. I flushed the outburst of rage out of my system, after resisting the urge the stab myself I listened closely. The police are offering a reward to anyone who saw what happened. Their faces, murder weapon, a tattoo or a ring, even the slightest detail could help. The woman spoke. Without listening further or even turning off the TV. I raced out of the house and boarded a cab straight for the station.

I arrived there to so much tension. Everyone was talking at once. They were so many voices screaming and shouting. From the rear end of the station there was a baby crying. A baby at a station. Everyone was caught up in their own investigations.

All the witnesses had their own story to tell. But they didn't know the truth. Not by a long shot.

"I was there" I screamed silencing everyone in the station.

"I was at the bank when the man was killed" The entire police force stared at me. The place was dead quiet for about a minute or two. A slight cough from one of the officers before the silence was finally broken from who appeared to be the lead detective.

"You were there" he asked stepping toward me.

I nodded in affirmation.

"Did you see anything"

I was silent. Suddenly all the courage I had mustered was wiped out by that one question.

He asked again. He was only two metres away from me. I still said nothing. Another officer stepped into light. A woman this time. With eyes that reminded me of the evergreen garden at my childhood home.

"Did you see anything dear" she looked into my eyes patting my shoulder gently. Her voice was so warm, so loving. She reminded me of home.

"I...I saw everything" I broke down in tears.

"Its okay" she pulled me into a hug. She held me close as I melted into her arms. I pulled away. Suddenly remembering who I was and why I was here.

"I saw everything" I repeated as I wiped my tears. The entire station looked at me with pity.

"OK, what did you see" the detective asked stepping closer. He now stood where the female officer did. At arms length.

I was quiet again. Something about him just seemed to throw me off. To disorganize me. He took the words out of my mouth.

He asked yet again. I stared helplessly not knowing what to say anymore. The woman repeated his words giving me just enough courage and bravery for a yelp.

"I did it" I cried out. The entire police station glared in shock and disbelief. The witnesses described a gang of four to five. They had all been men. A man pulled the trigger. And here I was standing in front of them confessing to murder.

"It was me, I did it" I burst into tears.

"What are you talking about" the man inquired.

"I saw everything" I started captivating even the attention of the handcuffed man at the inside of the building. "I saw the men come in, I saw the gun in his pocket, I saw him pull it out and take aim at the guy with the briefcase" I paused. The story was heartwarming. I could even see tears in some sets of eyes. "I knew he was going to shoot and I didn't say anything, I didn't even warn him, I let him die" I cried uncontrollably. "I killed him" I sniffled meeting the sympathy in the detective's eyes."it was me" I let it all out.

"Oh poor girl" a voice called out from the rear end of the station.

The woman grabbed my hands to assure me. She had tears in her eyes. The detective reached out to me to stroke my hair. No I wouldn't be consoled. Not this time. I committed murder. I killed him. I kept on telling myself as I jostled my way out of the woman's arms and ran out of the station.

Where to go. I asked myself. The house. Lizzy. Lizzy would know what to do. She always did. And with that single thought repeating itself in my head I walked no ran back to my apartment.