Winds of Change

winds of change: 

winds/əv/CHānj/

plural noun.

1. forces that have the power to change things, used generally to mean change is going to happen.

***

She sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the water as it crashed against the rocky shoreline. She had been here before, both metaphorically and physically. All of the other times that led her here- not necessarily at this exact location, but in this frame of mind- she didn’t follow through. There were different reasons each time, such as the first time she had been really hungry and her stomach growling gave her just enough of a reason to put the razor blade down and go on another day. 

The second time, she stopped because she thought of her mother and how hurt she would be. The tenth time it was because she saw a dog running down the street and it made her smile long enough to put the pills back in the bottle. 

The last time.

A month before today, her seventeenth attempt, her grandfather had died and she didn’t want her death to overshadow his… he had been a great man and she knew he deserved to be celebrated so she waited.

It could wait another day… or week.

Or even a year.

She had waited this long, she knew the day would come when it would be right.

And today was that day.

She was ready, she had been planning this for a week, thinking over the best way to do it, which led her here. To this spot and feeling… finally feeling ready.

She wasn’t hungry, she pushed all thoughts of her family out of her mind, and there were no cute dogs to run by. It was just her and her crippling and overwhelming feeling that she didn’t belong. 

She never had. 

She felt desperate.

Distraught.

She was ready to end it all.

Again she looked over the edge and wondered if it would hurt, when she jumped.

She wondered if she would die instantly with the impact or would it be the cold water that killed her? Or would she drown? 

As those thoughts raced through her mind, she got to her feet and looked over the edge again, inching closer with each breath.

It was windy and it felt good against her skin, almost comforting.

Now was the time to change everything.

It had to be now, she reassured herself but just as her feet hung slightly off of the edge, and she began to lean forward she saw a crumpled up piece of paper glide by her, caught by the wind.

It intrigued her.

Where did it come from?

Her curiosity got the better of her and she needed to know why of all times a random piece of paper would catch her eye. So she stepped back from the edge and followed it.

Luckily once away from the edge of the windy coastline the paper fell to the ground, finally out of the wind’s grasp and she rushed over to where it lay innocently on the ground.

She picked it up and toyed with it in her hands, gently biting her lip. Part of her felt like this was being intrusive to whoever the paper belonged to, but the bigger and more curious side of her felt like she had to open it. Like this piece of paper was brought to her by more than just the wind.

Maybe it was meant to help her.

To save her.

She furrowed her brow, the decision made as she slowly opened the paper, smoothing it out gently so as not to tear it. Her eyes widened at the sight of just five words, some of the same five words that had been pounding through her mind for the last several days leading her here in the first place.

change is going to happen

She wasn’t sure where it came from or the author’s intent that led this piece of paper to land here, now… this very moment while she herself was contemplating ending her life. But she knew one thing.

It had saved her.

It had given her a reason to go on.

Maybe it was just her curiosity.

But whatever the reason; she knew she needed to find the author and save them… the way their note had saved her.

*

It was hours later, the sky was getting darker as she stood in front of the local high school. Both she and the school were surrounded by police and first responders. She felt relieved. Almost happy, for the first time in many years.

And as one of the police officers led the suspect toward the police car she closed the distance.

“May I?” She asked the cop who had the suspect, another teenage girl in handcuffs. She could see herself in this girl.

Both in looks and in the look in her eyes.

A look that showed they were in the same state of mind.

Opposite ends of the same spectrum.

“Quickly,” the officer replied. It was against policy but seeing as how her actions and alerting the authorities had saved many lives that day, he felt he owed her that.

She nodded to the officer who stepped aside just slightly enough to give them a modicum of privacy.

It was silent for a moment as the two girls looked at each other; each seeing themselves in the other. Finally after an almost uncomfortable amount of time had passed, she spoke to the author of a random crumpled note that had changed her.

That had saved her.

“Thank you,” was all she said to the girl whose face was streaked with tears. She then watched as the girl’s eyes widened. 

“Y-You’re thanking me,” She stammered, her voice soft and not at all threatening as her actions had portrayed. “I should be thanking you.” She was met with a tight grin as she continued,”you stopped me from doing something stupid just because I was angry and sick of being bullied.”

She nodded, she certainly understood that feeling, she reached for the girl and gently patted her arm.

“No touching,” the police officer shouted and she quickly pulled her hand back, she mouthed the words ‘I'm sorry’ to him before she looked back at the girl.

“I am thanking you… because you saved me.”

The girl arched her eyebrow, “what… h-how?”

“Because I was standing on the edge of a literal cliff,” the girl’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “I told myself this morning when I woke up that it was time for a change to happen.”

“That’s what,” the suspect started to say but stopped when she saw her nodding.

“I was more curious about the note you wrote than I was sad… for the first time in a very long time.” The girl nodded, understanding.

She started to say something, then paused, took a deep breath and tried again.

“I know no one will believe me but… I wasn’t going to hurt anyone else. I just wanted them to see what they did. I-I was only going to hurt myself.”

“I believe you,” she said simply and it meant everything to her to hear.

“That’s enough,” the officer rejoined the conversation and the two girls shared a smile as the cop helped her into the back of the squad car. 

And he was right.

It was enough.

At least for today.