Did I Win or lose?

No this isn’t real?! It can’t be! I must be having a nightmare, thought Chris, they were two nil up with ten minutes left, they are the best team in europe!! Manchester City hadn’t lost in over twenty games that season, however, after conceding a scrappy goal against Burnley with little time left in the game and losing a player to a red card for the protests towards the officials, which Manchester City regarded as a handball in the build up to the Burnley goal, Chris’s bet hanged in the balance. His other three betting selections had all triumphed, it was all or nothing.

Chris had been battling with gambling addiction for a long time, he had put his family through 'hell' due to his gambling. Two loans and three credit cards had all been spent on gambling, a total of thirty thousand pounds had been lost.

At first football accumulators were the betting choice, however, after a couple of wins, the bug of winning more and more filled his ambitions daily. Online slot machines quickly replaced football as they were available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. The wins became less and less yet the debt increased quicker than Chris could pay off, plunging him into a deep financial hole, anxiety and depression gained a firm hold in the coming months beginning the vicious cycle Chris couldn’t escape alone. After almost two years of abstinence from placing a bet, with the help of gamblers anonymous, his family and friends, Chris had a major setback.

His father Simon, suddenly became ill after suffering a stroke whilst working, Simon was rushed to hospital, however, due to the severity of the damage from the stroke Simon lost the use of the left side of his body leaving him unable to walk and talk. The doctors couldn’t give any promises at this stage of how much of a recovery Simon was going to make if at all.

Chris fell into a depressed state and sought comfort in his demons, in that moment of desperation and weakness he walked into the betting shop and placed £200, which was supposed to be for his credit card bill, on a four team accumulating football bet, which would return £2195 if all four selections won their games. As soon as the bet was placed the weight of guilt and shame Chris felt was huge, however, the voices in his mind kept telling him it was just a one off, he deserved a win, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he needed something to cheer him up, something to ease his stress.

Later that night he was going to visit his dad in hospital, seeing him laying there unable to communicate properly was extremely difficult for Chris, his dad was his hero, a strong man. Chris couldn't believe this had happened because his dad had always kept himself in good shape attending the gym three times a week. Chris had always been very close with his dad sharing a mutual love of football following Coventry City at each home game before Chris’s gambling troubles started. The realisation that he may lose his dad or his dad being trapped inside a handicapped body shook Chris to tears of despair. The demons inside Chris's head began to circle, was it his fault the stroke happened? All the stress he had caused his father during the height of his gambling addiction must have contributed right? The guilt that he had just placed another bet gained further weight on his conscience. What if they find out? What if the stress causes another stroke or heart attack? Chris sat by his fathers bedside quietly, Simon was asleep and motionless, anxiety filled Chris’s body, he tried so hard to hold back the tears whilst holding his fathers hand.

Visiting time was over, much to Chris’s relief he could try to compose himself, have a few drinks to try to relax. Chris, his mother (Donna) and sister (Amy) all left the hospital and returned home, all the positive conversation of how his father will recover and they just had to be supportive and there for him, it would just take time, was not filling any of them with real hope as though the words were real, however, spoke with little enthusiasm or genuine hope. Their voices echoed in Chris’s ears, more of secondary voices compared to the demons insisting it was his fault for all the pain caused by his actions and his father wouldn’t be laying there if it wasn’t for him.

The next morning arrived, it was Saturday, game day, the bet was placed and the anticipation had been building in Chris’s mind all night. I need this win, I deserve some good luck! Totally preoccupied by the bet he had placed Chris decided to visit his father early in the day before the games commenced, that way he could try to disguise what he was doing to his family, however, also follow the scores as they happened.

Once at the hospital Chris was so preoccupied with the day ahead the combination of guilt, fear and anticipation weighing heavy on his mind, he decided to make it a flying visit because his father knew him so well, he could tell when something was amiss and Chris didn't want to upset him in his condition.

Simon seemed slightly brighter in himself, although no dramatic improvement had transpired, the hospital staff felt he was comfortable and settled overnight, Chris was reminded that due to the damage caused by the stroke any recovery would take time and to be patient as every effort was being made to help his dad recover.

Chris talked to Simon about the day's fixtures and told him how he was meeting friends that day, therefore, would visit him later in the evening rather than the afternoon after the football had finished. At that point the nurse came to give Simon his medications and to adjust his lying position, this was the excuse Chris needed to make a quick exit, therefore he said his goodbye’s and left to arrive at the pub before kick off.

The bus arrived in the city centre, it was only a short walk to the Castle grounds sports bar, Chris ordered a drink, walked upstairs to a table with a large television and sat down. Soccer Saturday had just begun and the presenters were starting to build up the day's matches, and their opinions on who would be victorious at the final whistle. The first game of Chris’s accumulator began at 12:30, Manchester United playing at home were the favourites versus Crystal Palace. Manchester United had been rumoured to have injuries, however Crystal Palace had some crucial players returning from injuries, therefore, Chris chose the underdogs for the win and his hunch was correct with Crystal Palace winning the game four nil.

The following two selections on Chris’s betting slip both kicked off at 15:00, Liverpool to beat their arch rivals Everton away from home and Newcastle to win at home against Southampton. The drinks were flowing as both the teams were winning their games three nil and two nil respectively, Chris started to get carried away as the alcohol took hold of his emotions, cheering as the scores were confirmed with the final whistle.

This was it the final game of the accumulating bet, Manchester City, top of the league, the champions of the Premier League, the FA Cup and the League Cup, hosting Burnley, a team in the bottom three, the money was as good as his, Chris thought. Manchester City started the game quickly scoring a goal in the first ten minutes of the game, by half time a second had been scored and Chris had no doubt this was his lucky day, this was the turn of fortune he had been craving for so long. All those gambling meetings had just been a waste of time, they weren’t the answer Chris thought, he had just been really unlucky!

Half time came and went with Manchester City dominating the game and threatening a third goal of the match, Chris went to the bar for a celebratory pint with a whiskey chaser, with only twenty minutes left the bet must be in the bag now?! As The bar member handed the drinks to Chris, a cheer behind him arose, there had been a goal! It must be three for Manchester City Chris thought, he turned around to discover Burnley had scored. The replays were showing the ball had hit one of the Burnley players' hands in the build up and the video assistant referee was reviewing the action, deciding if the goal should stand. The goal was given and the Manchester City players ran over to dispute the decision with the officials, the referee waved away the protests and turned to return his starting position and restart the game, however, one of the Manchester City players had totally lost their temper and grabbed the referee from behind and spun him around to continue to dispute the goal being awarded, and as a result the referee sent off the player with a straight red card.

A horrible feeling started to grow in Chris’s mind, as he returned to his table, surely he couldn’t lose? It’s going to be fine, they are still winning, stop worrying he tried to tell himself. The game restarted and Burnley seemed determined to get back on level terms with wave after wave of attacking pressure making their extra player count as time ticked down towards the final whistle. Ninety minutes was approaching and the fourth official’s board was raised to indicate there would be six minutes of injury time before the end of the game. Only six minutes to go, however, six minutes felt like a lifetime to Chris who was now fearing the worst with many negative thoughts running through his mind. What would he do if he didn’t win? How would he pay his credit card? He couldn’t tell his mum! Ninety two, ninety three minutes on the clock, the clock seemed to stand still! Burnley played the ball down the wing, with the extra player overlapping the full back and crossed the ball into the box with a dangerous ball, there was the striker rising into the air to head the ball home with the goalkeeper beaten a goal seemed inevitable, however, a Manchester City defender dived across the goal and stopped the ball going in the net with his hand, the referee blew the whistle it was a penalty!!

Chris put his head into his hands, he could not believe what was happening, he felt sick to his stomach, although not a religious man, he prayed for the Burnley player to miss the penalty kick. The Manchester City player was shown a red card for the deliberate handball and the atmosphere was extremely toxic within the stadium. Burnley’s penalty taker and top scorer that season placed the football on the penalty spot, took three steps backwards and side stepped once, placed his hands on his hips and stared at the goalkeeper trying to decide where to place the shot. It felt like a long pause until the referee blew the whistle, clearing the Manchester City players out of the penalty area ready for the penalty to be taken. The whistle was blown the attacker staggered the run toward the ball, dropped a shoulder and the goalkeeper dived to his right, however, the striker had fooled the goalkeeper and placed the ball to the opposite corner, time stood still for Chris and just as it appeared all was lost, the ball hit the foot of the goal post and ricocheted out to an awaiting Manchester City player, who ran with the ball to clear the danger. Ninety six minutes was on the clock as support arrived to assist the Manchester City attack, the ball was passed through to an open attacker in blue, who calmly stroked the ball into the back of the net, Manchester City had won the game and Chris’s bet had won!

Tears of joy rolled down Chris’s face as he sat quietly trying to comprehend what had just happened, he finished his drink and went outside to call a taxi, his phone had fifty six missed calls and eight text messages. Chris’s mum and sister had been trying to contact him and the text messages were telling him to call them quickly. Chris called his mum wondering what could be wrong, his mum answered and told him his dad had taken a turn for the worse, he was in intensive care, he needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible! Panic set in as Chris flagged down the first taxi he could find, he arrived at the hospital to find his family in tears as his dad’s life was hanging in the balance. Without thinking what he was doing Chris went to see his dad and the first thing that came into his mind to say was that he had won £2195 on a football bet. A tear rolled down his fathers face and the life support machine alarm started to sound, the medical staff ran into the room and ushered Chris out of the room and started to try to revive Simon.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor and nurse came into the family room to inform them they could not save Simon and he had died due to a cardiac arrest. As he mum and sister cried all Chris could think was I didn’t really win did I.

The end