So you want to be a cop?

I wake up feeling blessed to experience so many beautiful moments; my girlfriend still asleep beside me, a delicious breakfast, the blue hue that covers the city just before sunrise, a lovely conversation with a barista at the coffee shop I’m a regular at and listening to my favorite jams on the bus to work. But it's after this vitalizing morning routine is where I start to feel like a side character in my own story. As an IT specialist, I definitely have it made, working in an air-conditioned building with one hour lunch breaks beats digging holes or mopping floors all day. Though, it just feels like something is missing. After another mundane day I come home to my girlfriend that constantly reminds me how I should be thankful for this mediocre lifestyle weighing on my soul. “What?”, she says as she catches me staring at my food with a blank expression. “Nothing” I say, “It's just... this can't be it, right?”. “What are you saying that I'm not good enough for you?” she says, leaning over the counter with the smirk on her face. “Wouldn’t even think it” I say. I look into her eyes and go in for a kiss. I feel her tender lips against mine, but before we go any further, she pulls away as if she just remembered something, “Did you go to the rental agency and sign those termination agreement papers” She asks. “Ah **** I forgot, we don't have to move by the end of the-” I say before I’m cut off. “You know how predatory these agencies are babe, I'm going down there now before they decide to pull something”. “But baby, it's dark out and crime has been at an all-time high since that new law got passed”. “It's fine, I'll bring the pepper spray and I’ll just stay at my sister's house for the night, I’ve been meaning to visit her any ways since she hasn't been feeling well”. She leaves and I'm left to enjoy the dinner she made for us by myself. I suddenly find myself awake in our bed, daylight peeking through the curtains. I greet the day in my clothes from yesterday. “Dinner must have really knocked me out. I gotta tell her to stop putting so much butter in everything, stuff works better than NyQuil” I thought. I realized I'm 10 minutes late for work, something that's never happened before. I scramble to grab all my things needed for the day and head to the bus stop. On the way there, without my morning routine to liven up my day, I'm faced with the true ugliness of the city. The sun blocked with foul smelling smog. The coffee shop manager shooing away a homeless person for taking a **** in front of the store. And the bus, the bus was the worst of all. I was in so much of a rush I forgot my headphones at home, I was subjected to hearing and seeing so many revolting things it made my stomach turn. That bus ride made me want to take a loan out for a car that day. Without my morning routine to give me the rose-tinted glasses I needed a cope living in this city my heart rate spiked and my breathing shallowed. “Am I having a panic attack?” I thought. The bus reached my stop and I did my best to make my way off, eventually I did after multiple rude remarks and stares from the other commuters. I leaned on the nearest pole. “I don't think it's getting any better” I thought. Almost on the brink of passing out, I look up at the pole and saw a poster for police officer academy recruits needed, mentioning an expedited process. My breathing becomes less hastened and my heart rate steadier. I ripped the poster off the pole and just stared, but instead of a blank one it's one filled with determination and hope. I soon found myself in the recruiter's office, the recruiter taking no time to start the interview. “So, what makes YOU want to join the force?” he says lighting an American Spirit.  “I don't know, Sir, it's almost as if I was drawn here” I said trying not to breath in the smoke. “Good enough for me” he says. “With a crime rate like this, we need all the help we need. I'll finish off your admission paperwork here and you can go and head down the hall to the left to take your psych eval test”. “Psych eval test?” I ask. “Yeah, we gotta make sure you're not a ******* lunatic HAHAHA” he says in hysterics while coughing up some phlegm. I took the test and in no time, I was finished. Having done everything I needed to be admitted I talked to the lady at the front desk who told me they should have their decision for me by the end of the day, which was incredibly surprising to me. I thought these types of things took weeks. I made the treacherous journey back home avoiding eye contact with the homeless and rebellious youth. “Is the education system just as flawed as the legislative?” I thought. It only being 3:30 in the afternoon, I decided to take a nap, but as soon as began to close my eyes, I shot right back up, suddenly remembering that I forgot to respond to my girlfriend, she had texted me this morning saying she got to her sister's safe, so I responded back asking when she was coming back. Although I was too tired to wait for a response, so I just hit the hay, dreaming of my exciting new future. I woke up at 8:30 at night with a weird taste in my mouth and a text from my girlfriend. “Anytime soon, baby. My sister's conditions gotten worse and I’ve decided to stay at her place for the time being”. I texted back bitterly “I’m mad you didn't tell me sooner, but I hope she gets better. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you... I enlisted in the Police Academy”. As soon as the text showed delivered, my phone received a call from the police Academy recruiter. “Good news my boy, you've been accepted. Your interview went flawlessly and you got perfect marks on the psych eval as well... which is a little strange. But anyways you'll be joining the other cadets here at 0800. Any other info you need should be in the e-mail I just sent you. Make sure to get some rest, tomorrow is gonna be a long day.” “I appreciate it sir, just one questio-” the call had disconnected while I was mid-sentence. I put my phone down and looked around my room... it felt colder than usual. Actually, the whole apartment felt like that, a static emptiness that wasn't going away anytime soon. Despite this depressive background, I decided to get off my ***, take a shower and eat the leftovers from yesterday's dinner. Well, actually it wasn't really leftovers, just my girlfriend's portion she forgot to finish before she left for the rental office. I wonder what's taking her so long to respond, I thought as I laid in bed. The sandman took his time to arrive, but still delivered and the next thing I knew I was awoken by my alarm. As I went to go turn it off, I noticed a text from my girlfriend. “Why would you do something so reckless without telling me first? You know my sister's condition is stressing me out and now you pull this?”. I texted slightly upset “This is just something I feel like I needed to do, I can't explain it. We can talk later on the phone to go into more detail later, just please understand”. I take a deep breath, telling myself it'll be OK and she'll come to understand. I begin my morning routine like usual the only difference is where it ends. Though it was a bus new route, it seemed shorter than I thought. It's almost as If I blinked and the bus arrived at the Police Academy. Getting off the bus, I noticed another text from my girlfriend. “Nah, I'm too upset and hearing you trying to console me with just upset me even more". This didn't seem like her at all. I texted back irritated “If you feel that way, I'll just text you later today... I love you”. I make my way to the police Academy, which seems like it hasn't seen a renovation since the 60s. The first day goes just how expected; introductions, issuing of equipment, instructors coming off aggressive, asserting imposing impressions, etc., etc. But, nonetheless it was a relatively simple day. The bus ride back home resembled the one this morning, I blinked and I was home. While getting off I noticed I had received another text from her. “If you love me, you wouldn't have done something like this without talking it over with me first”. I texted back confused and agitated “I don't know what you want me to say. Why can't you just support me?”. I looked at the stairs that led up into my apartment. I was reluctant to spend another night in that fortress of solitude, but I did. And it was even worse than last night. I took a hot shower but couldn't feel the heat, ate the last of the leftovers yet couldn’t taste anything. The only contentment I experience that day was when I closed my eyes, shutting myself off from this numbing world, falling into a deep sleep. The next day goes just as the last. I wake up with a text from her. Take the bus to the police Academy blink and I'm there. Notice a text from her as I'm getting off the bus. Comply with a difficult yet straightforward training day. Take the bus home, blink and I'm home and notice another text from her, while I’m getting of the bus. Walk into my apartment, eat, ****, shower, and sleep. This exact routine would happen like clockwork for the next three weeks. The only thing that would change is the amount effort and interest in the conversations between me and my girlfriend. It was almost as if she was purposely putting less and less effort into our conversations. I felt like the love of my life was trying to ghost me. Today I woke up “blessed” like any other day, but who was I kidding, my life seemed like it was rotting right before my eyes. Before I could fully put my cadet uniform on, I hear a knock at the door. I go to answer in just my pants and undershirt. “Hello”. “Hi, we're with the Police Department and we've just come by to ask you some questions”. “Go ahead, sir”. “Alright, I'll just cut to the chase. About 3 weeks ago we had a smartphone go missing from our evidence locker, but only realized it until recently”. “OK, so what does it have to do with me? I was nowhere near a police station 3 weeks ago”. “That's interesting you say that because you were ID’d on the security cameras as the last one leaving the evidence locker that night”. “You must have the wrong person. It could have been a look alike”. “HEY, we’ve considered that. We're not accusing you of anything, just trying to cover all our bases”. The officer takes a small glance inside and see my cadet jacket lying on the floor. “Hmm didn’t know I was talking to a future brother in arms. Maybe we'll work together someday. Keep up the good work and have a nice day, sorry for bothering you.”, he says with a smirk. They leave and I shut the door behind them. “Smartphone. Why would I have someone else's...? Nevertheless, steal from a police station evidence locker” I thought. Then it hit me. An intense, nauseating feeling, almost as if some truth was trying to burrowing its way out of my stomach trying to see the light of day. I got the sudden urge to relieve this pain. I need someone, anyone to talk to. I don't care if she didn't want me to call her. I needed to hear her voice. I feel like I was going mad. So, I did. My phone rang a few times and that's when I heard it. A buzzing noise coming from the front pouch of my backpack. I stood frozen in time, my hair standing on ends and beads of sweat rolling down my back, looking at the vibrating front pouch. I soon gained the courage to move little by little, shuffling my way towards the backpack. I start to unzip it, but as soon as I saw the rose gold case I almost threw up. It was her phone. “What is this doing here? This makes no sense, am I going insane?” I said. I pushed those sick thoughts to the back of my mind and tried to carry on with the rest of my morning. I zipped back up the pouch, got dressed and slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed down to the bus stop. “No way, that's her phone. It’s probably just a classmate’s that accidentally fell in there” I thought, but I just knew it wasn't. The bus ride, just like all the others, seemed to have happened in the blink of an eye and while getting off I had gotten another text from her. Even though I expected it, that notification sent a chill through my bones. “It was all your fault. You listened to a head full of dreams instead of what was real in front of you”. I stared at my phone and then, almost out of nowhere, rage burst from inside me as I smashed my backpack on the ground over and over again, destroying anything and everything inside. “I have to keep going”, I said with tears in my eyes. “She'll come to understand that when I graduate, I’ll become a guardian of this city. I'll be able to protect her and bring forth the cure this sick city needs. I went through cadet training like any other day but with more focus and determination than usual. Then came the obstacle course, it had just rained making the course more muddy and slippery than normal and that's exactly what I did... I slipped. And just like that all my focus and determination went down the drain and sadness, rage and regret came flowing in. And then... something snapped. My discouraging girlfriend, this repulsive city, my dreams, none of them could be redeemed, they could never be saved. I felt my mind splintering, reaching a point where it could never be put back together the same. “I'm not losing her, I've already lost her” I thought as I lifted my face up from the mud. The instructor came rushing over, “Boy if you don't get the hell up, do you want to go home, do you want to quit?”, he shouts. I didn't even attempt to make eye contact, I just stared at his muddy boots and said... “I do”.